What's Happening With My Boyfriend?

[Mmareia]

Hi there, I'm new to this site and unfortunately don't know much about it, however I have some somewhat urgent concerns about my boyfriend who suffers from PTSD.

He's a veteran who served for a year in Iraq. He told me that he'd had some issues with PTSD before we started dating, but in the 6 months that we've been together his symptoms have intensified drastically, especially in the past month and even the past week. Before, he had flashbacks and what appeared to me as panic attacks maybe a couple of times a month. He stated seeing a therapist (doing prolonged exposure) about a month ago, and soon after started having episodes more often. He was (as far as I understand) dissociating, but I was able to use some of the grounding and breathing techniques that I'm familiar with to "bring him back."

A couple nights ago was the first time that nothing worked to bring him back. He kept trying to run from the house (from the dangers in his mind) and ran out into the street. Later, he was obsessing over a knife that he has (I took it away and hid it). Then, until very late in the evening he was extremely preoccupied with being quiet, keeping movement to a minimum, and "keeping watch." I don't think he slept at all.

Last night, he was at his house while I was at mine, and I saw that he posted a picture of his knife (he found it) and the upper of his rifle on facebook with the caption "my friends." He admitted to me over the phone that he searched online for the lower to make his rifle complete, even though he knows I hate guns and he doesn't really care for them either. He said he doesn't know why he was obsessing over his gun but that he felt like he needed to for protection.

When he's in this state, he seems like a drunk person. He slurs his words, falls on the ground, can't use the restroom properly, etc. Lately, it lasts until the morning time.

So, we've talked about me going with him to his therapy appointment, hopefully tomorrow. However, his dad is driving out here to do some sort of scientology therapy with him, which he and I are opposed to. He has an extremely hard time standing up to his dad, and his dad is very adamant about this treatment. I'm afraid we won't be able to go to my boyfriend's appointment tomorrow because his dad will stand in the way (he hates traditional therapy).

So what do I do? Does it sound like what my bf is going through is "normal" for PTSD related symptoms? Or is there something else going on here? If I can, I'll talk to his therapist about these things, but I don't know if that's going to work out. I know no one here can give me official medical advice, but does anyone have any insight? What's going on with him? Is this normal? Is the scientology work going to worsen his symptoms that are already getting out of control?

I can't be with him all the time, and I'm afraid for his safety. I've reached out to various resources, but I'm still at a loss. He's unable to do things for himself at this point, and his parents want him to try the scientology approach and his best friends just want to take him out to "rage." I feel alone in fighting with/for him. Please help in whatever way you can. Thank you.

 

[Sideways]

I'm no doctor, and it's not my area, but some of that sounds like he may even be experiencing a form of psychosis. Whatever it is, the kind of intervention he needs is medical, pronto.

When you see his therapist, take in some written dot points about things that he's done. Stick to facts. That way, you know they have a realistic picture, and you won't need to be the Clear-Headed Hero during the appointment, because the emotional strain on you is very real.

And if you say just one thing only to his therapist, make it loud and crystal clear what you said at the end: "I'm afraid for his safety".

Best of luck to you both. Tough times, but it does get better.

 

[Mmareia]

I'm no doctor, and it's not my area, but some of that sounds like he may even be experiencing a f...

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your input. I'm going to write down some facts right now to be ready.

 

[Sideways]

That's how we roll here:)

And please don't freak at me dumping the word 'psychosis' in there. This isn't The Shining. You will both be okay. All that word needs to mean to you at the moment is "his head is in a really scary place right now".

You're doin great:)

 

[Casey_03]

Are you sure he's not actually drinking when he's not with you? Or drinking in secret? I think most of this sounds like pretty severe (or maybe just untreated) PTSD, but if he at times seems drunk, he very well might be. A lot of PTSD vets end up drinking to deal with their symptoms and it's common for them to do this in secret ... Not saying he is, but maybe just keep it in mind. And if he definitely isn't, he certainly needs therapy and not scientology.

 

[Friday]

So what do I do? Does it sound like what my bf is going through is "normal" for PTSD related symptoms?

Sounds completely normal to me.

For me:

- Weapons are security, safety, protection, competence, life, & love. They're also grounding as f*ck. Slip my hand into a pistol grip, or my cheek onto a buttstock? My heart rate instantly lowers, my breathing stills, my mind clears. Okay. Shit just got serious. My knife? You know the sudden full body relaxation that happens after an orgasm? And the alert that happens with a shot of espresso? That. Those two things merged together. Calm. Peace. My weapons are more my friends than most people.

- When doing badly there are significant periods of time where I can't walk, talk, eat, dress, think... None of that. If I try and force myself? Ish. Everything is blurry. Past and present are blurred together. Half here, half there. Eyes glazed over. My body doesn't work right*. Sometimes the shakes, other times sudden & crippling exhaustion. Better lay down before I fall down. If I try and talk? Stammers, part words, or slurs.

All of those things exist to lesser extent when I'm doing badly, as well. Yeah, I'll have the shakes, but I'm still walking & talking just fine. Might catch me at it if I'm smoking -or eating soup with a spoon-, or a bit of a shiver in my jaw when I speak or my voice going husky... But they hardly interfere with my functionality. My PTSD often takes me to non-functional.

* (There's also the rage piece. When the firestorm hits, if I move, at all... I will lose control. I have 2 less-lethal choices: I can go burn it off -fast- or I can stop. Just stop. Lay down if possible, and remain very, very, very still. This is a very different thing from losing control over my body because the past & present are blurring, although both often = need to get flat, now!)

He stated seeing a therapist (doing prolonged exposure) about a month ago, and soon after started having episodes more often.

This. Right here. Trauma therapy? Things will absolutely, always, no matter what, get worse in the beginning. Seriously worse. Way f*cking worse. Mad increase in symptoms and severity. Expect it, plan for it, and keep going.

 

[Friday]

Also... Welcome to the forums!

<grin> These are my top 3 must reads for everyone learning about PTSD :) Okay. Technically the middle one is less reading, more watching.

Link Removed

Link Removed

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.83659/

 

[anonymous]

I think it's helpful to understand that the re living symptoms that come with flashbacks can happen in many forms and to varying degrees. We sometimes hover subtly between then and now in various ways. Sometimes we are seeing everything that is around us now but emotionally it is if we are back then with something truly bad happening. It's like walking around in the now but our brains feel in imminent danger. Finding any possible way to feel safer is not unusual I think.

Trauma exposure means that link to the past is opened up big time and all sorts is let out.

His therapist does need to know though as it needs to slow and allow him to stabalise if he is no longer safe. It definitely sounds like he is at that point at present and he may not be in a state to know that. Speech and movement issues can be down to dissociation of which re living symptoms are part.

Hang in there as you are the only person in this situation that is thinking rationally and clearly. I won't say what I think about the scientology other than to say it is extremely dangerous for non professionals to try to deal with PTSD and trauma in any way. And ten times more so when the person is in mid trauma exposure. Good luck.

 

[glass half full]

Hi there, I'm new to this site and unfortunately don't know much about it, however I have some somewhat...

I hope that things have improved for you since you posted and that you are both in a better place than at the beginning of the month.

That said, its not unusual for someone starting therapy to have exacerbated symptoms. Hard to deal with, but true. Its like all the built up poison begins to spill out. I agree with what other posters have said- absolutely let his therapist know what he has been doing. The therapist cannot be effective if he/she is not fully aware of what is going on.

Secondly, I mean absolutely no disrespect to the non-combat sufferers here, but the types of behaviors are different. PTSD diagnosis has traditionally required abnormal responses to fear filled events. Combat vets were trained to channel their fears and respond to fear with anger. They were trained to ignore their normal emotional responses and find solace in things like weapons. No emotion and a weapon at hand kept your vet alive in combat. He may not be there anymore, but his mind retreats to a combat zone when triggered.

It might be helpful for you to learn more about combat training and what your man lived through. Look for books and/or articles on combat training, if you can stomach it. And even if you can't. It helps to know. There have been a lot of advances in the past few years- look for content published since 2010 or ideally, even more recently. God bless you both.