What's Keeping You Alive?

[Finding Shawna]

My son

 

[JadedGhost13]

What keeps me going is that if I take my own life I will loose any chance of reconnecting with the two people I love the most that I lost as part of my trauma. I keep going each day to hold on to hope that I will someday be able to once again have those two in my life.

Also, I think about my husband and my family, for me to take my own life, I would be hurting them worse than myself. So I just exist, and hope and pray that I can somehow overcome this and start to live again, feel again, feel happy that it. Lord knows I have tried everything to be happy. I have went on exotic vacations, I have purchased everything I have ever wanted, looking for some joy out of it, some excitement, and nothing works.

 

[Loner]

Honestly, there isnt really a reason, but thats not to say I am suicidal, just, I want to be alive, theres no more reason than that. I recently had a revelation that no matter what life throws at me, no matter how bad it gets, I want to be alive. Hell, it wasn't this way when I was a kid cus I was scared and confused and didn't understand anything, but now, I even take some strange pleasure when life seems to keep heaping misfortune on me. Its not that I enjoy the misfortune, it would be nice to thrive, but if I have to deal with it, I can find some small amount of strange joy in being strong and unbreakable. Hard to explain, but I know I'll be here till something takes me out, and I'll most likely go out fighting and kicking.

 

[winterose]

What keeps me alive. I had a taste again when I lived in the desert. Nature pure and simple in all it's raw, violent forms. Nature is a constant birth, death, rebirth cycle. And to me this is beautiful. It speaks more deeply in my blood then I can say. And dang it, I want a chance to explore more of that.

My dogs, the butterflies that trust me so much that they will land on me( yes I have photos of this) when I sit with them in the spring. The wild mustangs out in Albuquerque slowly going blind because of genetic malady. The same genes that go back to the original horses the Spaniards left in New Mexico. I read about them all my life and to really experience them up close and personal. And finally I got a chance to see a small herd at the ranch I was on. Their spirit unwavering.

The coyotes, the sunsets especially the way it hits just right on the Sandia Peaks and the exposed turquoise shimmers making the entire mesa line come alive with fire.

I stay alive because me and nature have to do a concert at some point again.

 

[raven123]

Nothing.

 

[Addy]

What's keeping me alive?

My cat
My Mom
My job (even though it is exhausting... it keeps me busy)
My support group
My therapist
My stubborn will to not give up and let the abusers get the last say in my life.

 

[kodiak]

What's keeping me alive?
My grandma who needs me
My therapist

 

[xena21]

my Mom and dog

 

[Core]

When really down, the fact that my father lost his brother to suicide before I was born, and that my best friend lost a very close friend of hers to suicide a few years back.

 

[safenow]

Only God.

 

[shadowchaser]

Today? Well two dogs that need me, my son, and some good friends who are over patient with me and willing to sit and listen without getting worked up.

 

[Tinyflame]

Guilt, somewhat.