What's The Big Deal

[kris]

If I want to kill myself or anyone else wants to what the big deal? Seriously besides the fact that it affects other people what's so wrong about killing yourself. I understand that most of the time wanting to or following through with suicidal ideation is the fact the person wants to end pain/hurt they are having. Nothing in life is permanent and nothing ever stays the same, there is hurt/pain/suffering all throughout the world. If I wanted to kill myself that would hurt people in my life, but what's the big difference if I was to die of cancer or anything else. Just because of the way life was ended isnt going to cause more suffering is it?

The suffering of other people is always going to be there, so why should I have to keep suffering just so others dont suffer? Why is my suffering less important then others? People are always telling me I need to put myself first and think about myself more often, to do more for myself and yet there saying not to kill myself.

I am not a big believer in God and any religion sort of aspect (sorry if other's don't like that statement but everyone is entitled to their own beliefs/thoughts) so any comments about not killing myself because of God/heaven/hell don't affect me.

 

[sea]

what's the big difference if I was to die of cancer or anything else.

Cancer isn't a choice.

 

[kris]

After rereading this I guess I want to clarify that I am not asking for people to justify to kill myself or not, but just am curious as to what other people think. What others think of why I have to THINK about other people during my times of suicidal ideation, why I have to think about how they will feel when obviously like in my case its family that has not supported me. So if they have let me suffer, failed to see me suffering and failed to help me and everything like that, why should I give a crap about their feelings when the thoughts of suicide come to mind. They havent supported me in my suffering so why should I bother to keep suffering to to cause my family less pain, they are the ones that have caused the pain and suffering in my liife.

 

[kris]

But smoking, tanning and other life style choices increase your risk of cancer, which is a choice. No one wants to get cancer but some dont do anything to stop their increased risk. If I was to die of cancer why is that any different pain/suffering wise if I died of suicide. If I was to die of either suffering its not going to make things any easier on family but just like when you die of cancer-the person is through suffering, their life has ended their not in pain any more and they are at peace. So why is that any different if I kill myself, why is it selfish to wish for peace, no more suffering and pain.

 

[sea]

But smoking, tanning and other life style choices increase your risk of cancer, which is a choice. No one wants to get cancer but some dont do anything to stop their increased risk.

Logical fallacy. People do things that are harmful to themselves all the time, without the intent of dying. This is usually because they cognitively dissociate the consequences of their actions, they're addicted, whatever. The overwhelming majority of deaths in this world are unintended, and for every intended death, for every death caused by something someone has done to themselves, there exists a death that was accidental or ignorant.

People smoke, therefore cancer is a choice is just asinine. There are dozens and dozens of different types of cancer that have nothing to do with smoking or tanning. You said what difference does it make if I die of cancer or anything else, people still suffer the same. The difference is, suicide is a choice. Your friends and family suffer differently (not better or worse) knowing that you chose to end your own life. They take on a different set of burdens than the ones suffered by the family and friends of people who did not intend to die.

Please keep in mind I am not arguing the ethical implications of suicide. I am just giving you my opinion of the answer to the question you are asking.

 

[Sandra]

Cancer is in the genes or it isn't. Some of my friends that died from it were not smokers. BUT I do live in the cancer capital of all of Canada. Due to the past and present industries here.

And I've seen many smokers that smoked for many years never got cancer.

 

[scaldedsheep]

Are you a physicalist or a dualist? Obviously something that doesn't physically or spritually exist anymore doesn't feel pain but does death end pain? No one knows and that's just a whole other ball game... As an individual you have to decide if that's how you really want it to end or if you're just in so much unbearable agony that you're quick to jump to what you'll think will end it. I'm not trying to sound self rightous. I've tried to kill myself a couple times in the midst of an anguish so profound I can't describe it. It wasn't a sound decision. Though I'm distraught and haunted by my past I'm glad I didn't die. I know I can live I just have to learn how.
I've had a couple people in my life kill themselves. Sad to say life has went on with out them.The bitterness is still there though and that's all they're remembered for: that they killed themselves. That seems like a tragic and unwanted fate to me. Life is pain. It really is, but sometimes pain reminds you that you're still alive.

 

[wattle]

It's the utter waste that gets me, how do you know that at some time in your future you don't invent or create something amazing or have a positive effect on someone elses life.

Easy to say I know but you can never know what effect your life has on someone elses. I'm still here and kicking because I want to be the one who tells my Grandkids family stories, I want them to know their Nanny, not a sad whispered story about their Nanny who got so sad that she topped herself.

 

[Srain]

I'm not sure why you are asking. If it's not a big deal to you then it wouldn't be a question.

The years and years I went through feeling suicidal obsessed with many attempts, it was not something I discussed with anyone or debated. I knew what I knew at the time. I was incapable of seeing beyond my own pain, just like with my SI episodes, clearly I was so intent on my own reasoning that it never occurred to me that anyone else would feel anything BUT relief at my passing and that would be the end of it.

 

[The Albatross]

I think that independent on my own personal beliefs (about God) and independent of what it did to my family and friends reactions, the big deal about killing myself would be what that last act would say I let my abusers "win" and that I believed the messages were more powerful than my hope for change.

I sat and stared at your post for a long time this morning and really tried to put myself there. In the past there have been times when I have thought or been feeling what you expressed. Basically if I cut my life short, my story ends and it would read a tragedy. But reaching for a permanent solution to a problem... was already a tough sell when I was trying nooses, playing with blades, and asphyxiating myself experimentally at around 12 & 13. I am a competitive person, and I was also aware of a lot of suffering and adversity in people's lives around me (my extended family and friends). I already knew that "life goes on" when people die, and that "shit happens" and that even "really bad shit happens to really undeserving people".

I had rejected God and the idea that God loved me at 9 through14.when the abuse in our home was at it's peak. I turned my anger and channeled it into my competitiveness and determined that I was going to "win" and beat my father and prove to him that I was not what he said I was. That the best revenge was to live a good life. So I survived til I was viable enought to leave... I left at 17.

When I came here I was still struggling with suicidal ideation and random toughts... but basically, my core belief is still that competitiveness even though my father is dead and I'm well away from most of the worst of the crazy from my family and extended family.

I do still struggle at times with the futility of the thoughts, and lacking at times the will to want to go on. But, it is easier now (independent of my choice to lead a life based on spiritual principles) to have hope and acknowledge that I am no accurate predicter of my own future. I am not willing to die prematurely and perhaps miss some of the most wonderful moments that may be in store for me.

I hope this helps you.

 

[Srain]

At this point in my life, having been working on my PTSD, suicide is not an option. I have people that matter to me and I matter to them. I am engaged in my life, not looking at from the outside in all the time, though I still experience dissociation at times. I risk relationships and being vulnerable which means committing to being alive and honoring all that comes with it. Frightening, yes, I don't have my "out" anymore. I can't step out if I want to, so I am stuck for the long haul feeling each feeling as it comes and unable to escape through the death door. That's living life.

 

[Deimos]

I have often pondered about this topic and being atheist the fear of a burning pit never comes into the equation. Suicide is not natural. Every living thing is prewired with self preservation. Why else would you have developed PTSD? It is a disorder from the aftermath of your fight or flight response not functioning or perhaps it over functioning. Ask yourself this, if you survived a horrific trauma and then commit suicide why did you fight for survival and then give up when the threat is gone? If you were strong enough to survive trauma then can't you be strong enough to survive your own thoughts?

I have had a few friends commit suicide and to see the pain they leave behind is horrible. If you have people in your life that you care about how would you feel if they killed themselves? Statistically if you do it they are (this is the # that comes to mind but I may be off) 50% more likely to also do it. I have seen it happen, a child commits suicide and following that a parent does the same. It is selfish if you do it because you don't end your pain but rather you give that pain to everyone close to you.

I have had many times that I wanted to end it all but I just can't put that on my loved ones. My son needs a father, my wife needs a husband. I realize through my sons eyes that suffering and pain isn't everywhere. I have to look at life through the innocence of young eyes. The world is a beautiful place and if you die of cancer you're just part of natures cycle. If you take your life you take some of the beauty of this world with you.

Whatever the reasons for SI, it will pass. Don't take life to seriously, its not permanent. Focus on the good in the world, find your place in life and help make this a better place. We only get one shot at this, don't give up now.