Whatssss Upppp!!

[LovinHim]

Ok so I have PTSD... I'm not here about me. I'm fine. I'm here about my boyfriend. He just got back from his third tour in Iraq not too long ago, a tour that he was certain he wouldn't make through alive. He's like me. He barely talks about it and when he does it's like it's no big deal. I've learned how to live with my issues. He's working on it, but he doesn't sleep without drinking alot of beer. He won't see any1 for it and he won't take sleeping pills b/c he says they just keep him from waking up. We have a baby on the way and I need to figure out some way to get his stubborn @$$ to get with the program. He's had flashbacks and he's had nightmares, we're all no stranger to those... it's different when it's war. He was there for the first invasion of Iraq. Front and center. There's a book about his unit called Generation Kill. I don't know how to approach all this with him or if I should even try. My PTSD was a battle from within that I had to conquer alone. It took hitting rock bottom for me to figure out what was necessary to take control. Sure I still have issues, but I'm better at dealing with them. If any1 has any experience with War Vets and PTSD please let me know because I'd like to help him if I can. I'm just worried about his not sleeping w/out alcohol. That's not going to be too good when the baby gets here and it's not good for his body. Other than that, he's alright... a little distant from time to time, but I know how to take care of him.

 

[patrick]

I sure wish I could give you an answer. I walked around for almost 40 years with PTSD from the Vietnam war, numbing it with alcohol and denying that I could possibly have a problem. For me it took hitting a bottom so deep that I knew I couldn't go on the way I was before I was willing to get help. Over the years I was in more than one long term relationship and I was eventually unable to sustain any of them. Nobody could get through to me, I think mainly because admitting that I was traumatized by the war would prove that I was weak, not man enough to just get over it the way real men do.

I don't know for sure where to tell you to turn for help, but the Veterans Administration might have some ideas. If you are in even a mid sized town, there is a good liklihood there is a Neighborhood Vet Center whose primary mission is to help vets with readjustment problems. It could be you can find some information on how to approach the situation there. I wish I could knock some sense into his stupid head. If he does have PTSD and doesn't do anything about it, he is on a bad road that won't get any better.

I wish you and your boyfriend the very best. Do let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

Pat

 

[LovinHim]

Thanks 4 the well wishes... he knows that he has PTSD b/c they diagnosed him with it and give him $500 a month. He thinks that the only thing that it does is prevent him from getting sleep. He does other things though. He's so distant and reserved sometimes. I just give him space and hope he snaps out of it. I never know wtf is going through his head but I don't want to be that woman that's like "what are you thinking about?" So I just let him sit there and drink his beer while I do the dishes or something. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Seabeevet]

You could talk to his chaplain but there may be a resentment from that. It could make him hide more. He could go to a local VFW they have dinner on some days of the week , He may open to someone else. Someone not tied to his command and someone who has been there done that. I say that with caution only because it is a place where one can drink. I was smart enough to see drinking was the one thing I could not do any more.

 

[patrick]

If he has PTSD and is not getting any treatment for it, he is not likely to "snap out of it." I spent nearly 40 years numbing my PTSD from the Vietnam war with alcohol, and in the process went through two marriages and one fairly long term relationship. Not knowing either of you it's hard to know what might work to change things, but I'm pretty sure they won't change on their own. One or both of you will have to take some kind of action to initiate any kind of change. It has to be scary, especially with a baby on the way. I wish you the best, and will look forward to seeing how things are going for you.

Pat

 

[Perdido]

I'm so sorry for you and your boyfriend. I'm glad you want to help him.

Basically, he has a choice: confront the issues he has now and take some level of control, or disregard the pain and let it control him for the rest of his life.

I've abused alcohol for 20 years, have a string of relationships that haven't worked out, and I still struggle to defeat the demons in my head.

It sounds like he needs help. And he isn't going to get that out of a bottle.

Best of luck to both of you -- I hope you can find the help you need.

 

[longshot1997]

I too am an OIF vet and have PTSD I didn't talk to my wife about the war for a lone time because I felt she wouldent understand I would suggest that you don't press him about that. On the other hand there are great benifits at the va he may feel better talking to other vets that would understand him that's how I felt and it really helped me no matter what it will take time you are a great person for standing by his side god bless you.

 

[Nell]

no help for our vets

My husband is a combat vet as well, 4th ID. I was so happy to learn that there would be counselling for the guys when they came back from his last tour, but instead.. they put all these hardened combat infantrymen into a room for a little group therapy. Can you just imagine.. "Let's talk about our feelings, men" How far did they think that would carry??

He came back from last tour in 2006. As far as I know, NONE of the men in his company has ever voluntarily gone for personal therapy. Instead of making it manditory, they seem to wait until the guy breaks and does something to himself or others. And then, unfortunately, it's just too late.

Stay vigilent with your insistance that your boyfriend get the help that he really and truly needs. You (and he) won't regret it.

 

[LovinHim]

Thank you for all your responses. LOL if I push him to get help, it'll never happen. He has to think he's coming up with the idea on his own. He's a difficult man- God Bless him. His sister and mother are more worried than I am. His sister insists that when he left for the invasion of Iraq in 03 that a part of him never came back. I think that's a tad dramatic personally. It's odd to think of him as "numbing the pain with alcohol"... this is a man that doesn't ever display "weakness"... i've only seen his face take a somber demeanor once and it was very breif. He's always either quiet and still or loud and rowdy. I am honestly hoping that when the baby arrives, he'll realize that things are going to need to be different and that he'll change. He's generally pretty good and taking care of stuff and hopefully he'll figure it out on his own. Ugh I don't know... we'll see what happens... time will only tell I guess.

 

[patrick]

As I read your last post I could almost hear my first wife saying those very words about me. It's just stunning to me sometimes how us stupid men can react to trauma and any feelings we might have that make us feel somehow weak. Bravado, withdrawal, etc. Time will certainly tell. I hope things work out okay for you.