Countrygent
Bronze Member
I'd have to split the appearance of symptoms into at least five categories:
1. Severe, crisis-inducing symptoms, including flashbacks and the revelation/realisation I had PTSD. Over 30 years after the primary trauma.
2. Progressive, unexplained deteriorating symptoms of depression and anxiety that may also account for a secondary trauma caused by loss of my abilities and failure at work. A feeling of drowning and losing my grip without explanation. Very scary feeling one is going crazy and not knowing why. From about 25 years after the primary trauma. Bizarre in that no intellectual connection was made between the initial trauma (which was a singular notable event) and the symptoms - denial/blocking were at work.
3. About two decades of supressed memory, fairly good symptom-free functioning, but inexplicable limitations, fears, anger, alienation that took great energy and determination to dominate and supress. This period of my life occurred because I had no comparative of what "normal" was - with supressed memory I didn't appreciate the amount of baggage I was carrying. From 5 to 25 years after the trauma.
4. A period of readjustment or realignment that occurred in my desire to supress the impact or memory of the experience of the trauma. Many functional difficulties and systematic abuse of drugs, alcohol, risk-taking behavior. Abnormal sexual development, fear of intimacy, supressed hostility and anger. Because this coincided with puberty, adolescence and coming of age it is difficult to dissect where the symptoms of trauma were operative in addition to the more normal trials and tribulations of teen years. From 2 to 5 years following the trauma.
5. A period of shock and insensibility. The months before and after the trauma seemed to have been sucked into the deep blackness and amnesia that surrounds the traumatic event itself. The most clear moments from that period of my life are the immediate presentation of the beginning of the trauma (a few minutes leading up to the shocking suprise of forced abduction), and the hour or so following the end of the experience, when I had "escaped" home. The experience of the core of the traumatic episode remains full of blank holes although flashbacks of portions, which were supressed for decades, have returned as vivid memories. But the months surrounding those events are like "lost times". I have virtually no memories of whole years passing at school. I was in a personal fog of shock for a year or two.
1. Severe, crisis-inducing symptoms, including flashbacks and the revelation/realisation I had PTSD. Over 30 years after the primary trauma.
2. Progressive, unexplained deteriorating symptoms of depression and anxiety that may also account for a secondary trauma caused by loss of my abilities and failure at work. A feeling of drowning and losing my grip without explanation. Very scary feeling one is going crazy and not knowing why. From about 25 years after the primary trauma. Bizarre in that no intellectual connection was made between the initial trauma (which was a singular notable event) and the symptoms - denial/blocking were at work.
3. About two decades of supressed memory, fairly good symptom-free functioning, but inexplicable limitations, fears, anger, alienation that took great energy and determination to dominate and supress. This period of my life occurred because I had no comparative of what "normal" was - with supressed memory I didn't appreciate the amount of baggage I was carrying. From 5 to 25 years after the trauma.
4. A period of readjustment or realignment that occurred in my desire to supress the impact or memory of the experience of the trauma. Many functional difficulties and systematic abuse of drugs, alcohol, risk-taking behavior. Abnormal sexual development, fear of intimacy, supressed hostility and anger. Because this coincided with puberty, adolescence and coming of age it is difficult to dissect where the symptoms of trauma were operative in addition to the more normal trials and tribulations of teen years. From 2 to 5 years following the trauma.
5. A period of shock and insensibility. The months before and after the trauma seemed to have been sucked into the deep blackness and amnesia that surrounds the traumatic event itself. The most clear moments from that period of my life are the immediate presentation of the beginning of the trauma (a few minutes leading up to the shocking suprise of forced abduction), and the hour or so following the end of the experience, when I had "escaped" home. The experience of the core of the traumatic episode remains full of blank holes although flashbacks of portions, which were supressed for decades, have returned as vivid memories. But the months surrounding those events are like "lost times". I have virtually no memories of whole years passing at school. I was in a personal fog of shock for a year or two.
