I had two stage PTSD
Stage 1 is Childhood when I was abused from infancy to 16 physical, emotional, mental and later sexual.
Along with that, I was bullied at school because I had full lips which would get fuller when I pouted
or cried. I had no place - Home or School to fell safe. At 8 and again at 15 I was seriously planning
suicide. I had stomach issues - serious constipation, withdrawn, isolated myself, and started smoking
cigarettes, drinking and using drugs at 12. So I can say years.
Stage 2 is in adulthood 2011-2012 Starting in Jan I lost my adopted Big Brother Bobby. He died during heart surgery.
He was my Big Brother since I left home when I was 17 in 1978. That same month I met and got involved
with my late husband, David. And although my instinct screamed for me to stay away I did not like feeling
the pain of losing a vital person in my life. The times I asked David if he had a drinking problem, he would
deny it. One of those times was March when he asked me to move in. After I moved in I seen his dark side
his drinking and his verbal abuse and each month he would get worse, seemed to happen around the week
of the full moon. He got better for a period in May, when he asked to marry me.
I thought I could get him help, to save him... but after we married his dark side came back
and again it escalated to him waking me with a gun in my face, or his threats to kill us both. Proof later
was he had left his life insurance to his ex-wife but put a mere $2K of insurance on me... which I can
imagine was enough to cover my cremation and urn... March 2012 he tried and was arrested on time
and May 2012 he tried again but at the last minute after dragging me to the kitchen where in March
he almost shot me, he shot himself in front of me. I was numb, smoked lots of Medical Marijuana
was able to sleep and work. But isolated myself, did not want to socialize at work or after work.
That part of the PTSD was evident from month 1. But I had to handle the estate and deal with his
family who I disliked because of their Vulture ways and blaming me even though they knew he had
issues, (I had told his mother I was going to take him to rehab she turned around and told him
to drink all he wants). Years later the PTSD really hit, especially when I cut back the medical
marijuana and started getting stomach issues, sleep issues, hallucinations, depression, and anxiety.
That was 2014. In 2015 I ended up leaving work because I couldn't cope and felt suicidal where
I had the plan, the place and was getting my papers in order.