Poll When Did the Symptoms of PTSD First Appear, After the Initial Traumatic Event?

[Britt.f7]

Right Kind of me, I looked at your responses that is why I thought maybe it was me (low self esteem anyone? :oops: that be me) I thought your responses were fine. You don't always need a lot of words to show someone you care. Sometimes only a few words will do and I believe they can feel your support and concern. I know I did.

 

[girlshawn]

I didn't even know I had PTSD. I would just really freak out over stupid stuff. I thought I was crazy. Now I know. go figure.

 

[Hopeless wanderer]

I had no idea about PTSD earlier.
I just found it normal for me to freak out like a nutcase over stupidest things for a lot of years. I started to feel that it is not 'that' normal how I was reacting. Well, now I think I know.

It all started due to an incident when I was just 4 or 5 year old. But it took me years to realize that how much deep I am stuck in this quicksand hell.

 

[Trinomial]

I had repeated trauma during early childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. I showed symptoms every time, but was not diagnosed until I was 19 and treated starting around 27.

 

[girlshawn]

Nobody asked me what sort of stress.

Hugs
lots and lots of hugs.

I was going through this page and got distracted turned back and stopped and read your post.

I get that.
Nobody asked me

It feels like you're invisible.

so I thought I would stop and give you a hug and say you aren't alone and if you want to share your stress I'll read your story.

 

[MomOfTwo]

Thanks girlshawn. It does feel like you are invisible. It is hard when you see it happening to others as well and everyone just normalizes it including yourself until you break. I did tell as well prior to 'breaking' but was told basically to shut up because I would be fired. I really think I could have probably got through life without PTSD had I not been so harassed at my workplace. I have no job now and changes have been made in the workplace to make it 'safer' for everyone else there thanks to me but I have nothing. I could never go back because it would be too triggering and I would be fired for being a whistle blower as well as far as I am concerned. Just because they removed the predator does not mean the bullying would stop.

So many of the managers were bullies and that was just the mentality there. I think there are a lot of large companies like that and I don't know if I would ever feel safe enough to work in a large organization. I don't feel safe anywhere now if that makes sense. I feel unsafe outside my home and inside it. I hope one day to not feel that way but don't think it will come any time soon. I wish you healing on your journey as well.

 

[Bliss55]

I voted for 12 months - it seems as though I was "surviving' and, then I began to have flash backs, nightmares.

 

[Unbelievable]

I think it was so intense that it kinda happened almost simultaneous for necessity....

 

[Lady Vet]

The delay (between the trauma event--during basic training--and when the panic attacks started--leave between basic and AIT) is part of what has made life difficult, because I wasn't initially diagnosed with PTSD, I was diagnosed with panic attacks. The emergency room doctor never even made a referral for a mental health assessment, he just started treating me for panic attacks. The panic attacks were not the whole problem, but the focus on that left a trail of bread crumbs always down the wrong path. Hence, the PTSD (for me) remained undiagnosed for nearly 30 years, so I never received proper treatment, and at the end of that time I feel like I have been throwing myself against a wall that was never going to budge. I feel like I am starting at the beginning after 27 years :(

 

[LSNP]

This thread is nine pages long and I'm sorry, but I didn't take the time to read the replies, though I vaguely remember replying once already.... a year or so ago?

What blows my mind and why this thread caught my attention is simply this: I lived through the trauma after trauma after trauma somehow. I did it. I am breathing. I am alive. I am functioning, albeit not wonderfully. It was brutal, it was horrifying, it was daily, even hourly.... and it was long term. 7 years.

This was AFTER the sucky childhood.

The thing that is blowing me away now? Seriously blowing me backwards? Is that it is over and I cannot get over it. I will never get over it. My life is filled with it. And now I am experiencing a depression so thick and so deep that I have very nearly ceased caring. Which is bizarre and something I have never experienced.

So, when did it start? It started a long time ago.

When did I realize how bad it was? When it was finally over.

I have begun noticing, taking notice, of how often I "remember." What I continue to realize, in horror, is that it is almost ALL THE TIME. Anything I do reminds me. Seriously. Anything. Today I shredded passwords and logins. While I was feeding the cards into the shredder, the only thing filling my mind was the book of "evidence" I typed during the custody battle, and eventually shred and threw away one Saturday afternoon. The shreds were stolen from the company garbage by the stalker who was convinced there was evidence in it somewhere that I did not love him and he was determined to pay to have the hundreds of single spaced typed pieces of shredded paper put back together.

How do I know this? The sack disappeared from the garbage at work. By this time I knew he was insane. I also knew garbage sacks filled with hundreds of pages of shredded paper did not just disappear into thin air on a weekend. I went to his house and found pieces of shred littering the walkway from his driveway to his doorstep. I remember fury and fear and the beating and beating on the door, him opening it, the sack two feet behind him.

He claimed, later, that it was for my "benefit." Because he knew I would regret shredding it. He only did it because he "loved" me so damn much.

I retrieved it. Burned it in a barbecue. Right before a PTA meeting, of which I was the secretary.

That's how I functioned. Crazy bat shit psycho scared and furious one moment, calm and collected the next... because I had to be.

My God. Writing it. Seeing it in type. I am astounded I was able to live through it. But I'm not. Living. I am breathing and walking and talking but I am not living.

So, Now. Now is when I am truly understanding the real and debilitating symptoms of PTSD. Because they have been there for a long time but I was on High Alert mode. I was still Surviving. I didn't notice. I fought the fight.

I notice now.

 

[LSNP]

"I had severe startle reactions immediately but, again, I was in the middle of it. It never went away, though."

I have these. All the time. My boss always thinks I'm up to no good. "Guilty about something?" he'll ask. I want to say, "No, I'm just crazy."

But I don't.

 

[mfbadaracco]

Immediately after the incident, I could not drive home or sleep, I was petrified and unable to to calm down. I think it depends what kind of trauma you go to, I had to repeat the story over and over again to the police and the detectives, and I had to be in the area where the incident occurred. We all have different response times and or reactions, its part of fight or flight, my incident occurred less than a week ago, but I think the first step, is just recognizing something is out of the ordinary, acknowledging your symptoms, and seeking support.