When grounding leaves you flooded with being raped feelings

[ms spock]

I don't know how to ground @shimmerz to be honest. I have done everything that has been suggested, over and over again, and it never seems to work.

I have worked over and over again.

Exercising gives me some sense of grounding at times. I did that for an hour this morning.
Sitting in the sun does help.
Reading a book and getting a break from my brain also helps.

 

[shimmerz]

So then would you say that you are dissociated 100% of the time?

If so, I get it.

If not, how do you know the difference between being dissociated and not. Because to me the un-dissociated state is close enough to grounded to give you something to work with.

And very sorry, am not trying to push at all. Just curious.

Cross posted. So then there is a difference (sitting in sun etc). That is most definitely a start. Also, do you have an external resource (person) who can help you if they see you are going into a dissociated state to catch it before you are in it? That was worth everything to me.

 

[ms spock]

So then would you say that you are dissociated 100% of the time?

If so, I get it.

Mostly I am dissociated.

If not, how do you know the difference between being dissociated and not. Because to me the un-dissociated state is close enough to grounded to give you something to work with.

Not really. That is a real problem. I don't trust my own perceptions enough. I don't know how to tell if I am grounded or not. I don't know how to tell if I am dissociated or not.

And very sorry, am not trying to push at all. Just curious.

Great questions

Cross posted. So then there is a difference (sitting in sun etc). That is most definitely a start.

Yes sitting in the sun is a difference.

Also, do you have an external resource (person) who can help you if they see you are going into a dissociated state to catch it before you are in it? That was worth everything to me.

I could ask my partner - and perhaps try to teach him how to pick it, he can tell if I am extremely dissociated if I am talking to myself in maladaptive daydreaming conversations, but often he will talk to me, and I don't hear him because of the maladaptive daydreaming going on in my head.

So not really.

 

[ms spock]

Back struggling but still doing a bit better.

 

[Abstract]

Glad you are living in the 70s. Well done. Mines a work in progress. One step at a time is my motto.

 

[ms spock]

It is such a long journey @Abstract!

 

[ms spock]

This is so annoying.

 

[ms spock]

This is the hugest problem for me! Still this is the hugest issue for me! I have made progress and headway but it has been really tough when your earliest physical embodiment experiences, and you were such a neglected baby.

 

[Justmehere]

How about doing mindfulness to focus on the right here and right now?

 

[ms spock]

It's a great idea! At the moment I don't see to be able to do that @Justmehere. I can't be here and now most of the time. I am in maladaptive daydreaming. But that has reduced significantly. Anything that feels bodily feels vulnerability or rapey!

 

[Justmehere]

You might be experiencing the numb-flood cycle. As one shakes off the numbness, they can get flooded with what they numbed out. But being numb or flooded is not the same as grounded.

Can you think of a time where all your focus was on this present moment right now and not the past or the future? That is what grounded can feel like. It doesn’t always mean comfortable, but it can mean that.

Example: I stubbed my toe recently. All my focus was on the toe. For a moment, I was super grounded. (No I do not recommend this.) But *safe* strong sensations are one way to get really present with the here and now.

Exercise that demands all attention to do it: learning a new dance, playing a game with someone else. Eating mint candy. Etc.

Another example: when I cook, I try to bring all focus to cooking, how each item feels and smells in this moment right now. This is a form of mindfulness that brings all my attention to now. Coloring and noticing every color used. Doesn’t even have to involve your body but what’s happening externally.

 

[ms spock]

That's very useful!