When I See Red

[jamz]

... and when I mean talk to female member I don't mean chat her up. Advice... just advice.haha

 

[KevinAF77]

thanks Jamz it is just the whole conversation was so confusing to me. She wants me to get better on my own then a show a sign and then how dare I be happy. Grrr.

 

[jamz]

I hear ya Kevin. And thanks for being open about this.
You are drying out, a lot seems mixed up. Remember she's a person too who may be as mixed up too.
Just give it time.
Take some time for yourself.

Now that you're drying out are you doing anything to keep your mind off of shit? Gym or hobbies?
Keep an active mind will help alleviate the stressors caused by relationships and other things.

Dude, just keep telling her you love her. It will get better in time.

Go easy. We'll be here incase.

 

[Zipperhead]

Once we learn the secret, and can finally understand women, they are just going to change the rules anyways. Just keep plugging away. Women like it when we hit our heads against the wall. And it burns 600 cals per hour. I'm going to be skinny again in no time.

 

[Chris 173rd]

hey kevin. i recently posted a thread, and its in the same area of problems. i don't have the same issues as you, but it mostly revolves around my woman, like you. although i get stressed/depressed then frustred/angry, i see red as well. i don't know how to fix myself, and i am scared of loosing my family as well. my woman has very thick skin, and she's assured me that she isn't "settling" for me. she says that she loves me, but at the same time i'm nothing but a dick and an asshole that hurts her all the time. i don't think she'll move out, but i'm scared of loosing her on a different level. she stayed with her previous husband for 10 years even though she knew he was cheating on her with hundreds of women and blowing his paycheck on coke. she's not going anywhere, but i'm scared i'm gonna loose her in a mental way. like the damage will f*ck us up so bad, that there will never be a closeness again. not have a intimate relationship anymore. just being two people who live with each other because we have kids together. i do know that the guys on here giving support and information are a lifesaver. even though i haven't found the cure yet, or grown the balls to go and talk to someone yet, this is my escape. this lets me know that i am not the only one with a problem. that i didn't bring this upon myself. and that it is in fact treatable, as i have seen from some of the other locals here. i just have to figure out how i am going to approach this. good luck to you buddy

AIRBORNE

 

[Wagon]

thanks Jamz it is just the whole conversation was so confusing to me. She wants me to get better on my own then a show a sign and then how dare I be happy. Grrr.

I don't think its that at all mate. I don't even think it even has anything to do with woman. Think about it. You acted like an asshole. (Just guessing, maybe not) But at the very least your attitude and actions were unfavourable in her eyes. Now turn the tables. How long did that behaviour go on for. Now suddenly there is happiness? I think I'd raise a big "WTF" up the flag pole as well. I'm not an expert, I just think there are some elemental human behaviour and reactions going on, that's all. Be the same man to man, woman to woman. (No I'm not talking gays and lesbians, so don't get excited everyone.)

Things take time to heal. Some things never really heal. They leave scars. I think we all know that all too well here.

 

[KevinAF77]

Chris, I was just like you a little over three years ago with just rage and depression nothing really in between. I didn’t want to tell people my problems and I didn’t want a sole knowing what was going on in my head but I had to get help for my sake and my family. The road that I went down wasn’t the most pleasant. I am not saying this to tell you not to get help I want you to know the truth about it. Yes it was a terrible time, but you like me, has someone that will stand by you. I went through three hospitals being sent to different wards having them tell me I have everything from PTSD to having a minor mood disorder, but wife was there even when she had to drive 2 hours to be with me at Lackland AFB. Chris it isn’t about growing balls, it is about saying and understands that something is wrong. It took me 2 years to figure out something was wrong and then another 3 to start at least feeling that I am worth something again.

I know it is going to take time, I just know I am a terrible inpatient person I want my instant gratification now. I want them home and I want everything to be normal, but I think there is my flaw everything isn’t going to be normally any more. Like wagon said there are going to be scars there is going to be past memories that scare here and then too top it off I am the cause of them. Knowing something like that scares me so much to know that she is afraid of me and what I might do. On paper (err screen) it seems so easy on what I have to do and what needs to be done but in truth it isn’t so.

To everyone here thank you for helping me and to Chris we are here to help you. I know that now, and Chris you do have the balls you are here talking with us.

PS Zipper if I can hit my head against the walls for hours I would have no more walls lol then again maybe that stupid sleep apnea mask might fit a whole hell a lot better lol.

 

[BenP253]

This story touched me, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[tho9900]

Chris it isn’t about growing balls, it is about saying and understands that something is wrong. It took me 2 years to figure out something was wrong and then another 3 to start at least feeling that I am worth something again.

you hit the nail on the head... that no matter what happens you have to admit something is wrong and do something about it... there are ups and there are downs... talk to the missus.. and if you ae scared, tell her you are and why... the worst fear is the fear of the unknown... talking about it honestly makes it a shared adventure, when she has no idea what is going on she feels like a single woman... left on her own...

oh and she need not know everything, mainly that you love her and need her help through this... tell her you will tell her what she want to know but some things you cant talk about

 

[Jimmy1]

Nobody needs to know about your actual traumas, unless of course you are comfortable with any of them. Usually once you have dealt with them they become easier, but most of the time the trauma is only shared with your therapist.

Our partners need to know as much as we can teach them about PTSD, and if they are serious about us, then it would be in their best interest to learn a bit for themselves. If we had cancer or MS or something like that they would, so why shouldn't it be different for us.

The main thing they need to no is that we may be able to lead a better quality of life once we have done a heap of therapy and healing, but we are never ever going to be rid of the beast. I have let myself be fooled before because I thought I had conquered it only to have it come back 10 fold.

Some partners get angry because they stayed home and did not have a say in us changing, that is why they can be angry.

But you know what, until we are 100% accepting of ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to understand.

 

[reddevil1111]

Someone saw me? And got angry? :)