BrazenBull
Silver Member
This whole day has been horrible for me, first I wake up at 4am from a horrible nightmare, Then i go to work in the hospital at 6 and my patient was kind of being difficult, I found out my grandmother died over the phone, took me 4 hrs to get home, i got drug raided by my family and i had A LOT and they are just even more disgusted with me then they have ever been.
It seems like ever since I tried to make things better for myself, things just get worse and worse and I've had thought about suicide almost everyday for the last few months, some days im too stonned to give a f*ck. I was content with that, just being able to fall back on weed if things turn out way too shitty or if I stopped eating or sleeping properly for a few days.
The only thing that's keeping me alive right now is my love and it just feels like a trap. I would never forgive myself if i left her all alone, and she would never forgive me either. I feel like I cant die knowing that she would hate me. Her love has always made me feel amazing and that's what I want to die with. For over a year now thats been my only reason. I even joined this forum so I could get advice from other people with PTSD and supporters so that i could be a little more normal for her.
Now love is kind of making me feel ... not as good and I'm not sure what to do. I just stopped talking with her today and told her i was tired and wanted to sleep, I've never done that before, at least with her anyway.
It seems like ever since I tried to make things better for myself, things just get worse and worse and I've had thought about suicide almost everyday for the last few months, some days im too stonned to give a f*ck. I was content with that, just being able to fall back on weed if things turn out way too shitty or if I stopped eating or sleeping properly for a few days.
The only thing that's keeping me alive right now is my love and it just feels like a trap. I would never forgive myself if i left her all alone, and she would never forgive me either. I feel like I cant die knowing that she would hate me. Her love has always made me feel amazing and that's what I want to die with. For over a year now thats been my only reason. I even joined this forum so I could get advice from other people with PTSD and supporters so that i could be a little more normal for her.
Now love is kind of making me feel ... not as good and I'm not sure what to do. I just stopped talking with her today and told her i was tired and wanted to sleep, I've never done that before, at least with her anyway.
