When meditation is counterproductive

[Faustino]

I started a meditation practice in about 2012 and it was amazing for calming me, enabling me to get some distance on stressors in life, being able to respond after some careful consideration rather than react to situations etc. Basically, all the things that attracted me to Mindfulness practice worked a treat; however, I'm now in a different place where I need to feel things and allow strong emotions to come out. I've realised that alcohol and excessive physical training, for example, are superficial bandaids that I've dropped from my life as they just facilitate fleeing from the world of feelings and I've decided that for the foreseeable future I'm going to knock meditation on the head, too, as it feels intuitively that it's merely another tool in my box for keeping a distance on manifesting my feelings.
Has anybody else had similar thoughts or findings? Anybody stopped meditating in order to let psychological clutter out?

 

[EveHarrington]

Ohhhh I think I understand!

Well, not exactly with meditation, but with the use of other therapeutic techniques to avoid actually feeling.

I have seen others use various therapeutic techniques as a means for avoiding feelings. I had a friend who did this, and he tried to push it on me, too. I finally realized what was going on, and said good luck to you, good luck with that! Just because something is a good therapeutic tool for many doesn’t mean that it can’t be detrimental or misused by others.

I think it’s awesome that you’ve recognized that meditation became an avoidance mechanism for you.

 

[Faustino]

Thanks @EveHarrington I've replaced the calming meditation with trying to rouse myself into actually feeling things (the diametric opposite to what I've been doing for decades) and it's bloody hard. Thomas Tallis' Spem in Alium is my personal way to tap into feelings as I just can't generate anything from my own cauterised memories...music can tap into the soul and it can be terrifying

 

[mumstheword]

Hey faustine. I can relate. I find "active meditative" works better for me, in general.
Bing prone to dissociativeness, I have to watch myself with sitting meditation. When I discovered TRE I was using a sitting meditation class to discharge until the teachers told me I was too distracting.

I do enjoy; dance, NIA (it incorporates some martial arts and other movement arts), yoga, zentangling, singing; entrancing activities that still anchor me in my body.

 

[Faustino]

It's really good to know there's a whole world out there of things that can enhance one's recovery, @mumstheword ; I dream of a world of dancing and singing!!

 

[ms spock]

Yes

 

[UnicornSightings]

It’s called “spiritual bypassing” and it’s pretty fascinating. It’s badically doing things “for one’s own betterment” that take us out of our current suffering. It’s a way out. Like “looking on the bright side” and a billion other forms of it. Meditation is incredible and CAN be used to take us out of our current experience. It can also be used to take us THROUGH it. It all depends on what your intention is. Sitting down and focusing on your breath.... you aren’t necessarily avoiding thoughts or feelings at all. You’re watching them arise and fade away. Whatever feelings that come up come THROUGH. You aren’t clinging to them or pushing them away. You are a vessel for anything that arises and your breath is your anchor.

 

[ms spock]

The creators of the 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course (Link Removed et al) do say if you are having an episode of depression, that now is not the time to begin Mindfulness, and it can be not a good idea to meditate. In her book "Radical Acceptance" Tara Brach highlights certain meditations that are not good for people who have suffered trauma. You need a nuanced guide/teacher to assist you in finding your own way to meditate. I joined an eight week course, which I shouldn't have been allowed to join, given how honest I was about my suicidal ideation, and it took me from suicidal ideation to multiple suicide attempts, which I had managed not to do for forty years despite suffering from suicidal ideation for the majority of my life.

If it works for you @UnicornSightings that is great, but for some of us very specific forays need to be made or it can make someone so bad that they kill themselves. I came very close to ending my life.

I had to do research and follow up a myriad of other ways in order to manage my own way of doing Mindfulness. It took a lot of time and effort. It was quite arduous finding my own way.

So for me Mindfulness was dangerous, very dangerous for me it triggered me and got me stuck in thought loops, and I got stuck in traumatic relivings that went on and on. Being stuck in an emotional flashback is not fun.

For people with chronic pain there are also different ways of managing to meditate and do Mindfulness as well.

So if you suffer from severe and intractable childhood trauma and abuse - things have to be done a bit differently, and stopped for safety reasons at times.

 

[Faustino]

Thanks for the input @UnicornSightings and @Disco Dancing Queen and sorry to hear about the negative effects you experienced with meditation. I'm going off to ponder this issue a bit more as there's a lot to unpack here...

 

[ms spock]

Despite what I said, (and I have tremendous respect for the courate that @UnicornSightings has practised doing what Unicorn has done! That is hugely brave stuff!) despite what I have said, I still think it is worth doing, and practising!

 

[DharmaGirl]

I also find meditation really, really helpful. I do metta (lovingkindness) and guided meditations, all mindfulness meditations, so it is exactly what @UnicornSightings described. If something keeps coming up, I usually look at it more deeply, or bring it up in therapy, since, for me, the stuff that comes up when I am meditating that continues to repeat is usually something I need to work on. It also works for me when I am not meditating, having a calmer outlook and learning to pause before I react. All tools are good to try, if they don't work for you, there are many more that will.

 

[Faustino]

It's incredible the difference for me between a life with meditation and one without; the type that calmed anxiety, anger etc was what I needed but now I need to let the anxiety out and it just feels right to let the practice go...for now. More than anything I need to laugh hard and cry even harder. In my own practice these are the places I've kept well away from as these damn feeeelings are overwhelming and I've always eschewed them.Time to embrace them right now.