Relationship When To Stop Support.

[Left Behind Spouse]

Albatross, the strange thing about him is that he does well as a parent. He's always wanted to out do his past by trying to be a "great Dad". His Dad actually didn't exist in his life. He's read countless books on parenting. He's still doing "ok" despite his well... I dunno, could be PTSD, it's definitely something. He's always wanted to fight his past, but it's now surfaced, I think. For now. I'm not worried about the kids.

It's his confusion about me that I need to address. The push-pull.... the vanishing, resurfacing and manipulation. I'm tired.

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

Thanks again JMH. I will proceed with the appointment.

I feel like he just needs to deal with the reality of things.

He wound up telling me he's just been "starting correspondence" with someone, but I just don't know what to believe anymore.

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

JMH - Thanks again. I know that it's been harder for him than me.
When I saw him tonight, he looked like he hadn't slept for days.

 

[Justmehere]

He may be good when he is with the kids, but I want to gently suggest that there is more to parent. A huge essential part of parenting is being a safe secure base so that kids can grow up with their own healthy attachment patterns. Kids need their parents/caregivers to be good role models. Leaving the house and not getting help was a very abandoning thing to do to them. Kids need their Dad not treat their Mom like crap just as much as they need anything else.

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah, doesn't sound like he is dealing with reality much or handling it very well. Hopefully with the good boundaries you are setting, he will hit his rock bottom soon and finally get help. As much as possible, don't let his pain draw you back in. "Starting correspondence"? That's not even "having correspondence." :(

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

He said "I started correspondence 10 days ago" when I asked him how long it's been going on. I don't want to know the details - point is we were in a "marriage separation" that he told me he couldn't work on just yet. I'd backed off, and well.... he's started to look for comfort elsewhere. I think there's more too it. He;s been around here and his phone is constantly buzzing.

I only suspected something because when he's home at his apartment and lonely, he insists on calling to say good night to the kids every night. But in the past two weeks he didn't call once.....

My kids are too young to really notice, but who knows? Maybe they do know.

 

[Left Behind Spouse]

I should mention that he is incredibly uncomfortable with anger.... he doesn't rage. It's all inward. He suppresses anger and sadness.

He gets "worked up" and anxious, but he's only ever completely lost control once last January. He got physical with me. I'm quite sure that's where all of this started.