When To Talk?

[Ghostybear73]

I had my 6 month dental check up today. I have had the same dentist for 8 years and in that time, we have gone through a lot with my teeth. I had a lot of teeth that were damaged, plus a couple that were ripped out, so it took years to get them all fixed. During the years, my dentist has seen my extreme fear of needles and has been extremely gentle about it, in fact a lot of the time the work is done without anesthetic.

Today he had to fix a tooth that was hit by a rock when I was using the hedger/weed eater. He started out and let me know that if I start to feel it, let him know so he could numb it up. I was honestly a little embarrassed (which has never happened) when 2 or 3 other dental assistants came to stand around and watch as though they have never seen a person get a drill to their tooth without it being numb.

Quick history, I was sold (by my mom) and tortured, beaten and rape during my younger years so my teeth have been screwed, along with my jaw which has been dislocated so many times that it pops out at random. I have a night splint for grinding and TMJ problems, plus a hard day splint to prevent my jaw from popping out (providing I wear them regularly, which I only do when the pain is intolerable).

After finishing up the tooth, he started checking my jaw and he told me it was getting worse. For the first time ever, I actually wanted to talk to him and tell him why I am afraid of needles and why my jaw is so bad. Of course, with dental assistants and other people around, it was definitely not a time to go into something like that, so I lost the opportunity. I know talking about your trauma is supposed to help you heal, but how do you know it is the right time? And if you feel it is the right time and there is no opportunity, do you just let it go?

 

[RussH]

I use to have an absolute paranoia of needles, and I would get my teeth drilled without novacaine. I couldn't even watch someone get a shot.
When I decided to go to school to become a paramedic I realized it would not be a good idea to give someone a shot, and then pass out on top of them, so I decided I had better get over my fear of needles. And, I did.

 

[Ghostybear73]

That's funny @Russ, because I teach people to give shots, draw blood, start IV's and I remember the first class I had. I was showing a student and she pointed the needle in my direction and I passed out. Now, I always stand behind them, not in front of them. I don't have a problem giving them, but keep it out of my direction. I have done a whole lot better with them, but I still have that darn fear.

 

[RussH]

ghosty, I kid you not, I could not even be in the same room with someone getting a shot. I was horrible.
when I tried to go into the navy? yep passed out when the drew my blood.
had my blood test to get married? yep passed out.
So, we are birds of a feather.

On a much sadder note: I am truly sorry for all that you endured. just know that you are loved.

 

[Ghostybear73]

:hug: Thanks Russ

 

[RussH]

to answer your question: whenever the opportunity presents itself. If, by sharing our story, we can stop one person from being abused by telling it, then we must tell it. This is how I am taking back contol of my life, by keeping others from having to suffer.

 

[scout86]

I hope you get the chance to talk to your dentist some day soon. He sounds like a great guy and I'm sure he'd appreciate the information, but would also appreciate that you trust him enough to share it. I'd have done what you did, figured it would have to wait for a different day and more privacy.

I have a huge phobia about shots too. I've always WISHED I could pass out. I just turn in to a complete lunatic and fight like I'm possessed. I learned to give shots to animals, because a situation came up where someone had to, everyone else present was chicken and assumed I could do it. But, this is definitely an area where it's "more blessed to give than to receive"! The only way I can get myself to go to a Dr now is by assuring myself that I don't have to let them do anything I don't want, that I can walk out. Can't even sit and watch someone get a shot on TV. (My T would probably prefer that I say "yet", so I can't do it yet.)

So, what's the secret @RussH?

 

[RussH]

@scout86 I really don't know; all I can tell you is I made the decision that I was not going to let it bother me anymore, and it doesn't.
I have preformed thousands of phelbotomys since that time, and have never passed out from it.
I can also get shots without it bothering me.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I am definitely better than before at receiving, especially since I have had so many surgeries this past couple years, but in my mouth, I just can't get over it. I am a little OCD when it comes to my teeth and mouth.

I doubt I will ever have an opportune moment to talk with my dentist, but the fact that I wanted to is a huge improvement for me.

:)

 

[joeylittle]

Sometimes you have to go in steps. Next time, you can plan to say, if there are students in the room, "excuse me, but I'd like to talk to you (doctor) in private about something."

I had to practice and practice before I could say that I didn't want to be left alone with a male nurse. Such a little thing, but I felt like asking for it was admitting I had been assaulted. It's still scary, but I can do it now.

 

[Dana1010]

@Ghostybear73, I agree you have to go in steps - your dentist may not be ready to hear such an upsetting story, and it may jar him while he's in the middle of a procedure. As far as talking about things to heal, I definitely agree with that. You are in therapy, right?

I am so sorry to hear about all you went through. You seem to be doing remarkably well despite it, holding a job, etc. I hope that all involved were brought to justice, and I wish you healing, peace, and unconditional love for yourself. We are all on this journey together with you. :hug: