Robbed, I am so sorry about your neurological situation, but I am soooo very glad you went to the hospital. This is exactly where you need to be----where people will care for you, where you don't have to worry about this guy sitting in front of your house, etc.
I can't tell them or write down his name I feel like if I do that it becomes real. The police took my phone and they are going through my texts from him.., This makes me feel unsafe like if he finds out he will hurt me again.
Redtriskell was right----men like this
want you to feel intimidated, scared, and helpless. It gives them power over you. By making you feel scared they think you will do what they want, and they feel in control of you.
But by involving the police and your therapist and the hospital, you are taking your power back. You are taking care of YOU instead of cowering at home waiting for him to make his next move. And you are giving him the message that what he did
is not okay and that you are doing something about it. Bullies like him don't like this because it makes it harder to get away with what he did. Bullies like him want women to be helpless, and compliant, and powerless. You are showing him
you are not. Plus there are people and agencies that are on your side helping you. Since there is now a record of what he did, he is much less likely to try it again. Now
he is going to be the one who is scared. You have done the right thing.
This is a time to just take care of yourself. Time to do whatever is comforting to you in a healthy way. If you can't talk, can you draw? That's what helps me a lot. I was so confused about my childhood abuse that I now draw pictures for my therapist with crayons on big sheets of flipchart paper. I draw my feelings, or I draw a safe place, or I draw how I see myself during those years. Sometimes I scrawl big words in the picture that express what was going on or how I felt. Ask for some things to draw with at the hospital if you want to try this----they'll have stuff.
Write a list of affirmations and look at them every few hours:
"I am safe", "I didn't do anything wrong", "I am a good person", "I am loved", "I will survive this", "I did not deserve what happened to me", "I am strong inside", "I am getting the help I deserve". Whatever others you can think of.
What helps give you a break, and just gets your mind onto something else? I know this may seem impossible right now, but think. TV? Music? Reading? Exercising? Working on some project or craft or skill? Sitting around just thinking about what happened and being frightened is just going to make you feel worse. Try and keep busy if you can, and look for whatever might take your mind off things even for a little bit.
This is not your whole life----it's just an awful thing that has happened in a small part of your life. It is not who you are. Think of other parts and times of your life that you remember with happiness----that's who you are. Not this. This is a terrible incident that has happened to you and you are dealing with it. We all applaud you for your strength----and it
is strength even though it might not feel like it now----and we are here thinking of you and sending you our love and prayers and good energy. You will get through this, Robbed, I know you will. You have already started.
Rivergirl
