When your therapist touches you.

[Chitoshi]

My therapist doesn't touch me, but I have issues with men and men touching me so it's normal for me. He'll shake my hand every once in awhile. One time he put his hand on my shoulder/back as reassurance and I did NOT react well so we never did it again.

Then again, it's my experience and that's what I'm comfortable with. I'm a huge hugging/touching person regularly. I've been in therapy for one complete year now though and we haven't crossed the "touch" boundary for hugging. Part of it is that I'm working through trauma and when I'm already in that high-stress state a shoulder tap will freak me out, and he won't push my boundaries. I'm sure if I asked him for a hug or something he'd give me one, though.

I think it's different for everyone where their boundaries are, and it probably depends on the people where your boundaries lie with personal space. :)

 

[littleoc]

I've known my therapist for at least seven years now, which means that it's been long enough that it's comfortable enough if I get a hug or a pat on the shoulder. But she knows not to touch me unless I initiate it. It took some communication to do that, and therapists are very good at communicating, luckily. So that's why I said to discuss it if you're comfortable enough to.

It wouldn't always be inappropriate, but if it feels inappropriate to you, definitely say so. Don't feel like you're overreacting. The working relationship between you and your therapist involves feeling safe and in control. So, try to get that kind of atmosphere, as you have already done in the past, and then maintain it if you need to. There's no problem at all in asking to never be touched. But it doesn't have to be bad either. While it's so confusing, it might be good to look into while (in the meantime) not being touched again by the therapist.

 

[anonymous]

Why are you thinking it’s inappropriate?

I never did, but then I read this...

If I were to allow touch, that would threaten the possibility of attaching to him and that would hinder therapy, in my case. Touching is too intimate. It would mean, to me, that we are going beyond straight therapy and entering into a relationship as a friendship might start

And began to wonder if im not supposed to allow it.

I'm a huge hugging/touching person regularly. I've been in therapy for one complete year now though and we haven't crossed the "touch" boundary for hugging.

And this is interesting. It just depends. Some days I cower in the farthest corner of the therapy room and as far away as I can get from him. He has done nothing to deserve this, but sometimes it feels like the best place to be. The first hug was to prove to him (and maybe a little to me) that I wasnt scared.

I am generally a hugger, but sometimes I am REALLY not. No rhyme or reason....just sometimes I go EEK....

 

[Lamename01234]

My t has me initiate also. If I say I want a hug she will give one. If I don't say it, it does not happen and it is not awkward.
3 years with her and maybe 3 hugs 3 weeks in a row then done. I prefer when I leave when she says things like:
See you next week now go home and get your shit done! :) True words makes me leave with a smile on my face.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I’m very much not a fan of t touching me. Or feeling sorry for me. One time my T teared up in my session and I never saw her again. I don’t want to pull at that thread right now but it’s definitely something I’m going to have to look at at some point.

 

[Mach123]

I was with someone at a seminar and she got touched by the facilitator and it didn't go well. She was able to continue luckily. The facilitator apologized. Even getting too close can be a real thing. I guess in a therapeutic setting you could mention it first. Maybe that'd be good form? Or after it happened just like acknowledge it? Like 'oh I just touched you.' 'I should have asked you first.' I hope it's OK and if it's not we will try and deal with it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My therapist has really great boundaries that make me feel so very safe and would never touch me which I am just fine with as it is a professional that I am dealing with and I do not want to become confused by touch as I am paying for her service to me.

I had a very touchy therapist before and she never really helped me and this is why I am the way I am now.

 

[Friday]

I’m super touchy feely. It’s one of the things that is über helpful for me in therapy... whether it’s a casual shoulder bump, or kick on the shoe... or -a million years ago- full contact (think sparring).

Except when I don’t want to be touched.

Shrug.

Touch/contact is -usually- crazy grounding & connecting for me.

Other times? 1 arms distance, motherf*cker. Back the hell up, or I will back you up.

IMO... Both things are actually just fine. The important piece is the respect & awareness needed on both parties sides to know what’s kosher, for whom, when.

 

[whiteraven]

I never did, but then I read this...

And began to wonder if im not supposed to allow it.

And th...

Still Standing's description of how things are were specific to Still Standing. I don't think this is black and white. Some may say it is, but I disagree. If you are/were comfortable, then I wouldn't worry about it based on how someone else feels.

My therapist and I hug, as well. It doesn't feel bad to me at all. It helps me feel more connected.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you @Friday and @whiteraven. Friday pretty much summed it up for me, but I don't want to take over the thread. It is grounding for me, but I have never told my therapist this. I don't want it to be taken wrong. If he just put a shoe next to my foot or something even, I think it would help me stick with him. Except when I am totally not wanting touch. If he came closer at one of those times, I might very well run out of the door. He is not really like that though.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Do you schedule other activities on therapy day?

If clearing your schedule is not an option, th...

Our schedules are so crazy, and I do better in the morning, plus the only afternoon times that fit are when I am off for school holidays. I do get an hour and ten minutes before work and have both a lake or ocean that I go overlook on that break. Today the weather was cold and felt especially good breathing in the ocean air.

Geesh! Some of you amaze me! To let your T touch you...wow! At the end of my first visit with...

I think this may be a little bit where my fears are coming from. A touch like that symbolizes friendship, in a way. And if I attach or have feelings it will be too hard to part ways some day or she will do what she did in my dream. That was the scariest dream that I have had for awhile now. I just fear the betrayal or my inability to read people.

 

[intothelight]

was “positive mentor.” I explained that my students hug me sometimes and I hug them back.

Maybe from what you said, your therapist was trying to convey a mentor rather than friend role. Best to ask and discuss, because they might have just misinterpreted things.