Where Do I Go To Get These Emotion Thingies?

[Sandstone]

I'd written a long question, but it vanished in the mists of technology, so I'll summarize it.

I'm supposed to get better by processing emotions, but I can't find any laying around when I look at my traumas. I can locate puzzlement at my inaction, anger at my mother for putting me in the situation, puzzlement over why my abuser did it, irritation with myself for getting into those situations.

Generally I think emotions are unreliable to live by, and even before I got acutely PSTD, didn't have many. I had anger, maternal love, elation over natural beauty, contentment

Therapy Lady tries to evoke them in me - after telling me at length how my parents had failed to provide me with what I needed she paused for me to cry. But how I can a grieve something I never had?

So where do find some feelings, without risking creating something false and hence useless?

 

[Mayday]

Feelings don't have to be the stuff that makes you cry, anger is a feeling too. And anger is an important part of grieving.

I think I learnt to be detached about things, which must have made it seem to other people that I didn't have feelings. But it was just how I learnt to be, maybe even my way of trying to have some control over situations that I had no control over

 

[intothelight]

Hi Stenni,

I too have a disconnect from my emotions and have been doing Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) to get in touch with them. One thing that I struggled with was identifying emotion and even naming them. Since you said you experience anger, I will use that an example.

Anger is an expression of emotion and the trick is figuring out what emotion is creating the anger. Is it frustration, hurt, resentment, fear, etc.? One area that I found that triggered anger in myself was a violation of trust. It took me a long time to figure out why certain acts would make me angry, but it really wasn't the act itself but what I perceived.

I hope this helped a little, and I too am interested in the feedback you receive, as this is an area I struggle with.

Debbie

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Part of me says to not go digging, as that isn't always productive....

But! My emotions are largely buried. I wasn't able to access them until I was able to get in touch with my inner child and do puppet therapy.

Have you tried inner child work?

 

[Lucycat]

I too have struggled with emotions and feelings.

I had to start at the very basics - 'what can you feel right now?' Um, the seat beneath me, my feet on the floor a tickle in my throat telling me to cough.

Then it got harder - 'why are you crying?' Because I am sad.
'How does "sad" feel like inside?' Heavy, flat, I feel like my head/thoughts are moving in slow motion and sort of stuck

It is very difficult to recognise and name all the emotions and feelings, but I am now taking the time to acknowledge them, and also what they are doing. Such as I might wake up feeling happy, so I just 'take it in' and try to put words to how that makes me feel inside. Not looking at why I am happy, but simply what happy feels like.

 

[Sandstone]

Thanks for your replies which have some interesting food for thought. Once again a huge chunk of text has vanished. I'm not destined to discuss this today. It takes too long for me to try to type and correct my text to do it.

I'm going on a fortnights holiday tonight so I'll come back to see where this has gone. Soory to be so .

 

['91 Girl]

I tend to have the same problem. But I find the emotions appear at other times, without me necessarily being able to connect them to trauma. There have been several times my T has pointed out that certain emotions that have overwhelmed me are the same emotions that match up with my trauma.

For example, one of my traumas included me in a situation where I had a lot of shame and ended up doing something that was self-harming as a result. But when describing it, I didn't feel the shame. But several days later, I was hit out of nowhere with a wave of shame, sadness, anger, self-destructive thoughts, etc... that my T pointed out matched with the trauma. So the trick for me is attempting to match up the emotions with the memories.

The hard part is I have a lot of emotional flashbacks that I don't have memories for yet. I don't remember a lot of things from my life still. So it can be nearly impossible to connect things. And just discussing memories of trauma does me no good. I remember the facts, but I still don't process it until I can find both pieces, the facts and the emotions.

 

[Hashi]

I find the same thing as '91 Girl. For example, my feeling of humiliation if I've been badly treated in a shop can be out of all proportion, but it's not really about how I was treated in the shop, it's free-floating humiliation that I find hard to attach to the trauma that originated it.

 

[safenow]

Growing up I wasn't allowed to have emotions. None. I was in adulthood before I learned what emotions really are and was able to put a name to each one. When I was in a mental hospital, one of the classes was on emotions. The instructor had a large poster with faces on it showing the different emotions and the name of each one. We were each given a mirror and as we discussed the trauma we were to look in the mirror and see if we could identify that emotion. I had to learn which were okay emotions and which were not.

I had to keep looking from the mirror to the poster in order to find out what I felt. I felt so stupid. Everyone else got it right away, it took me weeks before I could figure things out. It was really difficult. But it worked. Still to this day, I have to dig out my little chart when the little are out so they can know what it is they are feeling. Now, I can laugh about it. But in the past it was sure not funny.

When I learned it was okay to cry over sadness, I didn't know how. It took losing my children for me to learn how to cry and once I started I didn't know how to stop. They had to drug me almost to a coma for me to stop. Those were some very hard years.

I do so hope it doesn't take so long for all of you. Bless your hearts. Keep moving forward, you are doing so well.

 

[JustBe]

Great thread! I'm "listening". Still want to cry and can't...feelings frozen...sigh.:oops:

 

[therapybankrupt]

Isn't it something. Sometimes we have inappropriate emotions in times of troubles because of our trauma. Ding, Ding, Ding. .Thanks peeps for the incite!

I feel like I am being raped over any kind of man disaproval or criticism no matter what the intent. It is so big. So many negative emotions about myself. If I disappoint someone I feel like I failed like not being able to protect myself. I am so afraid of hurting others because of my hurt. I feel nothing the rest of the time and can not name an emotion like many of you who have posted. But for goodness sake when i feel an emotion it is way out of whack. isn't it? I guess i always equated it as a symptom not a reaction to trauma.

Now knowing this I need a tool. Any sure fire ideas out there for those loud trauma reactions?

 

[therapybankrupt]

Great thread! I'm "listening". Still want to cry and can't...feelings frozen...sigh.

Movin On this reminds me of something else. Yes, Yes, Yes and what to do about those frozen moments when you react to bad treatment from others. A repeat of the way you froze during the trauma. No fight, no flight only frozen in time. You know it was awful but you can not remember the details to save your life. So nothing more is said. You just forget. You just forget all but wonder what you did to deserve it. You only feel the pain.