Relationship Who Am I Now?

[Mytime]

You wanted me as your wife. That is no longer true. I was once a loving and nurturing mother. Now I'm a lazy housewife to you. I was someone who supported you in anything you wanted to do. I listened when you need a ear .I was loyal and there for you whenever you needed me. Now i'm someone who is disrespectful and untrustful. But I'm still here! I was someone worth loving and sharing a life with. Now I'm not worth anything because you just don't care! You always told me you love me each and every day. Now you walk past me like I'm not even there. I was once your strong and beautiful wife Who always had your back. Now I'm someone you can't stand looking at. I heard you the first time. ( I CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT YOU) no need to hear it three. I now keep my pain silent, I hold it inside of me. I'm no longer safe and that's where I want to be. Maybe I need to ask someone else who is close to me. Who am I now? You are a person with integrity. You make people laugh and hold them when they cry. You are willing to share your strength when someone else needs some to get by. Your loyalty and forgiveness can sometimes make me cry. I don't need to be perfect you except people the way they are. You're respectful caring and willing to apologize when you know you did something wrong. You don't need two know someone to give them a helping hand. Your friend see your beauty inside and out. Please don't look away for me I need you to see. Look back in the mirror I need you to hear what I have to say. Who am I now? I am a loving and supportive mom. I am a strong and kind person. I am a trustful and loyal friend. I am smart in my own way. I am helpful and respectful. I make mistakes, but try and learn from them. I am a beautiful person inside and out. People are lucky to have me in their lives. Just as I'm lucky to have them. So I'll ask myself one more time . Who are you now? I'm me!

 

[Nevermore]

Oh this made me feel sad. Is it because of your ptsd that he feels that way?
If so he needs to get educated!
Invalidation is a big trigger for me. I have come a long way but invalidation can still make me feel helpless hopeless and incapable.
Thankfully it hasn't been from someone I'm living with! That is so hard!!
I hope you can find a way to get him to understand - maybe take him to your therapist? Or there are many books!
Wow I really hope he comes around. Thst kind of input is the last thing you need!

 

[Mytime]

Thank for your reply. My husband is the one who has PSTD. This is me finding me again. I lost who I am in his beliefs.now I'm seeing me again.

 

[Nevermore]

Sorry MyTime, I didn't realise you were a supporter! It sounds very painful what you're going through. Just wanted to say I hope things improve. And yes, I think ptsd is very hard for supporters too!!

 

[Mytime]

Sorry MyTime, I didn't realise you were a supporter! It sounds very painful what you're going through. J...

Thank you for your reply. It helps to know your not alone on this journey. Sometimes sharing the pain can help ease it abit. Knowing someone else understands or Acknowledge how you feel.

 

[Milo's papa]

Mytime, sometimes being a supporter is the hardest job there is. You never know if the way they're acting, talking , feeling, is directed at you or their abusers. I sure hope things improve for you. no one deservers to be treated badly.

 

[mathewu]

Hi MyTime, I'm sorry to hear of what you're going through. I'm, or was, the supporter in my marriage and I just wanted to say that I can see my own struggles in everything you said. The feeling of blame despite the reality of being strong and supportive was like no other feeling I've ever experienced. I'm still searching for solid ground myself, so I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. Best wishes, I hope everything works out.