Who Am I?

[Definitely..maybe]

So I've realized after struggling with PTSD for too long I'm really not sure who I am, I feel lost. I'm not sure about things I like, things that make me happy, or just general things about myself.

If any of you guys are in the same boat then lets everyday try to post something we 'discover' about ourselves, I think this might help build a clear picture of who we are and what we're working towards. Maybe!

 

[Definitely..maybe]

My therapist showed me a clip from the move Runaway Bride, where Julia Roberts is always choosing to have her eggs cooked like the person she's eating with, without even realizing she's subconsciously trying to please and connect with everyone.

I definitely feel like I do this all the time, which I why I think I fade away a little.

All this to say- I like my eggs scrambled or in a mcmuffin. :p

 

[ghotiff]

I like drawing.

It sounds so simple but it's taken me a long time to acknowledge it and be okay with not being particularly good.

 

[Friday]

Devil'ed Eggs & Bennedict & Deep fried in bacon grease :D

I actually had that same moment, with that same movie. It was a good one.

Something I always forget about myself in a bad spot is how much I love photography. Ditto, I'm not good at it. Maybe 1 good shot in 50, and one great shot in 1000. #NotAPhotographer. I just love the peace it brings freezing moments for later.

 

[J_trustno1]

I love studying. I can't tolerate it when people disrespect their books or notes. When I went to my swimming class today, I saw year 12 examination pages all over the place on the street, or the road and even on the glass flying freely. I ended up spending 5-10 mins picking up paper from the floor and keeping them safe in my bag other than going to my swimming class. I cherish books, notes, and basically everything related to education, because that is who I am. I felt sad when I saw someone threw their examination papers out on the street without even being concerned what that piece of paper is actually worth. Or maybe I am just a nerd. God knows.

 

[risingsun]

So I've realized after struggling with PTSD for too long I'm really not sure who I am, I feel lost.

I have felt the same way. Even though I know I am still in the healing process, I feel like a stranger to myself, like I lost a part that I have been trying to regain. I think back on who I was before and I feel detached from that person. I have felt that I have been going through the motions of everyday, but unsure of who I am. I used to have a strong sense of self. Where did that go? Now, my self-image has been so poor. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize my own self.

But for today, I am going to focus on one good thing as I try to regain my sense of self.
I am realizing something lately. I have made it through things and dealt with additional traumas on top of my older traumas, and dealt with them with more resilience. So for today, I feel blessed with greater sense of strength than I ever thought possible.

My deepest prayer and maybe my deepest knowing is that I will not regain my older sense of self back for that is in the past, but I will regain an even better self than even I ever thought possible. Rising Sun.

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Yes. Same here! I love music but gave it up because parents said that the major would not get me anywhere so I am studying engineering. I tried fitting into different groups of people. Lately I've found that I am happiest in the redneck and nerd types. Two that I suppressed because it was unattractive or unintelligent as mom would say. But I finally am enjoying it more. I don't care about her thoughts saying that I will never find a man this way. Which is extra hard lately bc I just broke up with my fiancé who loved these things and helped me prove her wrong. But it will happen again. And since the diagnosis of the ptsd I've been trying to find myself with it too. So still a work in progress.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

It's such a relief to realize that other people understand how you're feeling! Don't get me wrong- I HATE that you guys are going through similar situations on top of ptsd, but it's nice to not feel so alone.

Lately I think I've been more depressed like and just want to say no to everything and stay in. This week I'm going to try to branch out a little, maybe even try something new!

I think I'll make a list to put on my fridge of 25 things to try. Even if it's just to discover I don't like doing it- it will help me define me:)

@risingsun I love the last part you said- it's so positive and so true!

@FridayJones I'm sorry you were suppressed for so long but I'm so grateful you're learning what you like and enjoying it! I agree that sometimes the groups out parents wouldn't have liked us to bring home are really our kinda people- I'm learning that at school too.

 

[Changing4Best]

I am a Christian first and foremost. I LOVE God. He loves me.

I live way out in the mountains, yet in town. My house is so full of stuff, I don't need any more things to collect dust, but at least I enjoy reading. I like Biographies the best, nothing like reading about a real person. You feel a connection, you know? Autobiographies are the best of the best. I don't even own a TV, I don't enjoy watching one. Books are better.

When I was a kid, I used to love to go horse back riding. Also mountain hiking. Now, since I am too old for those things, I like just looking out my window at the mountains nearby where I live.

I love going out to eat, but then I hate cooking, so I really have no choice. ;)

I used to be into photography, until my photo software stopped working! I have no idea what went wrong with it. I did a lot of nature photography. Sunsets by the seashore, underwater photography while snorkeling in the Caribbean, etc. Now that has been taken from me and I miss it.

Everyone in my family has died, parents, husband, and I have no kids. It is just me and then there is my sister, but she never calls me. Her daughter calls me once a month. What kind of family is that? It breaks my heart. I cannot figure out what I did so wrong that my sister is like that, but then, her daughter says her mother never calls her either! What kind of mother does not call her own daughter? And she is my sister....

My 60th birthday is in 2 weeks. I don't feel "old" although I have all gray hair now. I like it long and am growing it out again. It used to be down below my waist when I was a teen.

I'm not a fancy person. A pair of jeans and a T-shirt are just fine, thank you. I love sweaters though. I almost always where them. I have more sweaters than shirts, I think! LOL...

I have one PTSD friend who lives close by. Her name is Tina and she is coming to visit me this week. We will go out to lunch and talk. We always have something to talk about, thankfully. We like to write in journals, sending snail mail letters to one another often. Her writing is tiny and mine is huge and flowing. We'd have to be opposite in some things, right?

I love flowers, colored glass bottles, colorful things. Anything to brighten an otherwise bland day.

I love coffee, yet I am not supposed to drink it. I defy my Dr. in that I guess, but don't we all defy our Drs. in some way?

I like to go out walking early in the morning, unless it is winter, in that case at high noon will do.

But who am I really? I don't know! I think when I was quite young I was a hippy. That got lost way back there somewhere, but not the carefree way of life, that has stayed with me all my life. Later on, I was a business owner, a motel. Then no one was travelling after the WTC bombing, and hubby and I lost the motel. I'm as poor as a church mouse now. Money has never much impressed me anyway. I like being poor better than I liked being rich!

I really don't know who I am or that much about myself. God knows me. He knows my every thought. He knows my likes and dislikes better than I do, I think.

 

[Joan]

I so understand that feeling like you have lost your identity. I used to say that my attacker stole it. I am beginning to realize that the core of me is the same and some of the things about me are being expressed in a new way. For example...I used to consider myself adventurous and always exploring. Now I have so much fear, yet that part of me is expressing itself in art...I am trying new mediums and willing to take the risk if my idea does not work.

 

[rainy_daze]

I don't like eggs :eek:, unless they've been used as part of a cake or a carbonara sauce :D, and I have yet to see Runaway Bride. I love Julia Roberts too :rolleyes:.

My favourite colour is still a tie between green and blue, I can never decide. I thought I'd make my mind up, but turns out I'm quite consistent in being unable to choose.

I like cooking and I'm pretty good for an amateur who works with limited ingredients and a tendency to burn myself if my stress cup is overflowing :laugh:. I'm burning myself less than in comparison to previous years, which means I'm learning to focus more on the task at hand.

I like doodling and creative writing. I hope that I can discover more things about myself, because right now that's all I can think of :O_o:.

Afterthought: I discovered I like spinach leaves. This counts towards the theme of the thread, right? I have discovered plant-eating is quite nice :D.

I think I'll make a list to put on my fridge of 25 things to try.

Great thread Def, and I like the theme of your list.

 

[J_trustno1]

@rainy_daze : And I still believe you are soooo cute :D and funny :D