General Who Decides?

[HisBeautiful]

I am confused and this may not be the best place for this. If it needs to be moved please do so.

My husband and I have a plan in place for when he triggers and needs his "time out" to come back into balance. Which he and his doctor have actually set up and we follow. For the most part he knows when that is and will give me the code word and all is good. He will remove himself or I will remove the trigger.

What happens when I am not comfortable and feel he needs to remove himself? At this point who decides? And if I suggest it and he tells me no I don't get to decide how do I deal with that? Just confused.

Any input and all suggestions will be welcomed, whether I agree with them or not. I would love to hear from sufferers too. This is a learning process for me.

 

[intothelight]

Hi HisBeautiful,

My husband and I also developed a plan, and we just request "down time". It is something I use when I am feeling overwhelmed, PTSD related or not. I don't have to justify why I need it, I just take it. However, it also is the same for my husband. He can get stressed by work, children and me. He is also entitled to "down time" and doesn't have to justify it either. We are both adults and respect each others needs and boundaries. "Down time" is not a personal affront, it is just time be alone, unwind and regroup.

I hope this helps.

ITL

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree with ITL, unless I am reading this incorrectly both people should have the right to do that because they are the only one aware of how they (each) feel, and ideally each person doesn't want it to worsen or escalate nor to especially take it out on the other person.

I can only say, you could express to your husband this is what you observe and why you draw that conclusion (factually), ie. that you see something appears to be triggering or upsetting him because... (he's starting to get agitated, move around, has turned pale, etc- fill in the blank), and then hope that out of love for you and trust and respect in you and your relationship/ opinion he will listen to you. He may agree, or he may disagree and he may be correct (about himself) in disagreeing. Or he may disagree but think of your words later (the operative word being 'think'). But everybody I think hates to be told: "this is what you're thinking/ experiencing/ feeling etc.." (especially if it's incorrect).

 

[Tinyflame]

Sorry HisBeautiful, forgot one thing: it's necessary to not always remove (ourselves) or we will never learn to manage triggers.

The obvious exception to is that if he could be violent to you etc is to remove yourself.