Who Would I Be If I Gave Up Lying?

[ms spock]

That is great that you are improving as well @cactus_jack!

I am improving a bit more each day at the moment.

 

[ms spock]

Those moments are special. Glad this happened for you.

Thanks WillyKat!

Yeah, I've come a long ways as well since I first joined myptsd.

I am so glad cactus_jack.

I am so much more here, but still dissociated so there is a lack of connection. So without that connection I can't be as honest as I want to be, because I have not got enough access to my self. But I am very close.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Who Would I Be If I Gave Up Lying? I am trying to sit with this and the visceral response to...

Who would you be if you gave up lying? Someone I could trust.
Someone I would want for a friend...

 

[ms spock]

I am not able to trust myself @Bkinder, which is where my problems arise from.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I am not able to trust myself @Bkinder, which is where my problems arise...

Disco,
My response comes from being around people who look at my face and lie. That has been my life. That has been my family. I have a couple of people in my life that I know that they won't. They are my friends....not my family. Somehow, I envision my family should be included in the trusted ones, but sadly most aren't. So, as I look for friends, trust is my #1 characteristic I seek in a friend.

You might ask, do I lie? Certainly. Everyone lies...my therapist lies I'm sure and I pay her to be honest.

I believe it is just what is the purpose or motivation of lying? (selfless lying-to save someone's feelings where it isn't going to cause long term issues if they every found out, to prevent spoiling a surprise,or for the greater good in the moment) or personal gain (e.g make them think I am something I am not, to control a situation, because I have poor self-esteem and am needy and need to fit in, for personal manipulation or gain, avoidance-hiding stuff-shxt if known would hit the fan rather than disclosing and dealing, etc.). Then there is dodging a million-dollar question (wrong time/place kinda lying)....sometimes necessary in the moment but it needs cleared up in the near future. I've thought a lot about lying....I want to be as authentic as possible and want to be around authentic people who will tell me straight up....we have trust....super important.

 

[ms spock]

I think, well I fear, that I am going to be a pretty unpopular person when I stop lying (as much), or maybe I will learn to be more diplomatic?

I've thought a lot about lying....I want to be as authentic as possible and want to be around authentic people who will tell me straight up....we have trust....super important.

This is really important. I want to be this person, and in some situations I am that person.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I think, well I fear, that I am going to be a pretty unpopular person when I stop lying (as...

People who don't lie I have found are typically not as "exciting", but they are down to earth, have genuine concern, listen well (liers don't have that skill honed down), are dependable, reliable, and trustworthy....and genuine. A more than fair trade off for being authentic so they will want to be my friend. It's a work in progress.

 

[ms spock]

I am definitely a work in progress with all this @Bkinder!

 

[ms spock]

So now back to the grindstone! It is the painstakingly slow work of creating new habits & routines, and the continuing creation of new neural pathways. x10000000

 

[Deleted member 487]

Love yourself first, Disco. To hell with the world!

 

[ms spock]

Love yourself first, Disco. To hell with the world!

Easing up on myself, which I guess is a preliminary step to self love, has turned up to be an important step forward!

 

[ms spock]

Who Would I Be If I Gave Up Lying? Just a simple woman who has missed out on a few of life's experiences, who is a bit anxious, with some PTSD symptoms, but who is not too bad.