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Who Would I Be If I Gave Up Lying?
- Post starter ms spock
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- #50
ms spock
VIP Member
Mostly I do avoid confrontation - and no lying is involved, that would be my go to position in many ways.
I do find it really hard to be present in my body so a lot of the time I don't know what I am feeling or thinking. I am dissociated.
I find it almost impossible to be assertive - I feel like I get walked all over a lot of the time.
I do lie as a way of avoiding being assertive as well.
I do find it really hard to be present in my body so a lot of the time I don't know what I am feeling or thinking. I am dissociated.
I find it almost impossible to be assertive - I feel like I get walked all over a lot of the time.
I do lie as a way of avoiding being assertive as well.
It just seems to me a much more compassionate thing to call this fear of assertiveness and confrontation rather than lying. Not trying to tell you what is most helpful for you of course as that's up to you. Its just sounding to me like the majority of this is about avoidance not lying. And the lying is in fact part of the avoidance when it does happen.
I had extreme reactions when being assertive when learning how to do it for the first time for similar reasons. A knee jerk terror of something happening and harm coming to me even though my mind knew it wasn't likely. I think the only way we break it down is by proving that it isn;t true but that takes time so you deserve to be patient with yourself. Keep pushing through when you are able.
I had extreme reactions when being assertive when learning how to do it for the first time for similar reasons. A knee jerk terror of something happening and harm coming to me even though my mind knew it wasn't likely. I think the only way we break it down is by proving that it isn;t true but that takes time so you deserve to be patient with yourself. Keep pushing through when you are able.
- Post starter
- #52
ms spock
VIP Member
The terror about telling the truth is totally full on!
I am so scared about this that I was unable to sleep in my bed at times.
I think this has to do with if I spoke up or told the truth or challenged my parents I would get sexually abused. It is hard to be in my body when I talk. My body meant intense shame, humiliation, sexual abuse, physical pain, being hit, being bashed, more sexual abuse, being pushed around, being hurt, being pinched - it was the entry point for a hell of a lot of pain and torture from my parents.
So being in my body and acknowledging the truth can be when I go totally off the planet.
I did tell the truth in my family and I was the scapegoat. I was the punching bag. I was the one they character assassinated and tried to destroy. And they did destroy a lot of my life.
This stuff is really hard.
Thank you Anonymous - you have a definite point there - avoidance rather than deliberately trying to lie - high anxiety to terror about acknowledging the truth. My partner has this problem as well. He is too scared to say things and be assertive so he goes into elaborate avoidance.
A fear of assertiveness and confrontation okay well that is something to think about. I will think on that. I think I will also get off my own back. I am being way too hard on myself once again.
So that actually does assist me in coming to terms that my partner is stuck in severe avoidance rather than lying in a whole lot of ways and that actually is good to accept and come to terms with. We are both highly avoidant people. It does mean I can let go of beating the shite out of myself. I will come back and revisit honesty because that is something to work out when you grew up with wall to wall lies. But there is no need to crucify myself or my partner for that matter.
I am so scared about this that I was unable to sleep in my bed at times.
I think this has to do with if I spoke up or told the truth or challenged my parents I would get sexually abused. It is hard to be in my body when I talk. My body meant intense shame, humiliation, sexual abuse, physical pain, being hit, being bashed, more sexual abuse, being pushed around, being hurt, being pinched - it was the entry point for a hell of a lot of pain and torture from my parents.
So being in my body and acknowledging the truth can be when I go totally off the planet.
I did tell the truth in my family and I was the scapegoat. I was the punching bag. I was the one they character assassinated and tried to destroy. And they did destroy a lot of my life.
This stuff is really hard.
Thank you Anonymous - you have a definite point there - avoidance rather than deliberately trying to lie - high anxiety to terror about acknowledging the truth. My partner has this problem as well. He is too scared to say things and be assertive so he goes into elaborate avoidance.
A fear of assertiveness and confrontation okay well that is something to think about. I will think on that. I think I will also get off my own back. I am being way too hard on myself once again.
So that actually does assist me in coming to terms that my partner is stuck in severe avoidance rather than lying in a whole lot of ways and that actually is good to accept and come to terms with. We are both highly avoidant people. It does mean I can let go of beating the shite out of myself. I will come back and revisit honesty because that is something to work out when you grew up with wall to wall lies. But there is no need to crucify myself or my partner for that matter.
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Honestly I have still a complicated relationship with lies, as in different categories of lies in my head.
Lying to myself? Rarely useful. Ditto to lying to others about why I'm doing whichever I'm doing. Better be truthful.
Lying to protect? Useful. Some times necessary. Some times life saving.
So that's basically where I draw the line; survival. If a truth can expose someone already vulnerable too much, I'd rather use the lie.
So who would I be, someone who thinks of context & consequences faar less than I do.
Lying to myself? Rarely useful. Ditto to lying to others about why I'm doing whichever I'm doing. Better be truthful.
Lying to protect? Useful. Some times necessary. Some times life saving.
So that's basically where I draw the line; survival. If a truth can expose someone already vulnerable too much, I'd rather use the lie.
So who would I be, someone who thinks of context & consequences faar less than I do.
I'm with you on the topic. Context is NB and some things worse than others.
Just to make sure: Am I right assuming that stands for 'nota bene'? :)
WillyKat
Diamond Member
There's an opportunity I think--and this applies to all of us--to invent who we are, to create someone. It seems really odd to say that because we have already been someone and its not like we can be reborn. But I think its something worth thinking about.
Can't believe how tough it is. You bringing your story here helps me understand lying better. Think l met someone that had to repress the truth also for fear of retribution. Now l am more understanding and not so quick to pass judgments. Maybe try one truth everyday. Just one for a month. When you feel ok, try two truths everyday. Build up this pattern and habit and you may find your life will change. It took me two years to program happiness but l finally did it. Lol
- Post starter
- #58
ms spock
VIP Member
I am working on it bit by bit. It is really hard and quite scary for me.
- Post starter
- #59
ms spock
VIP Member
I would be an assertive person and not such a people pleasing person.
I would be someone who could sit in her own skin and body - and I am awhile off doing that.
I would be someone who could sit in her own skin and body - and I am awhile off doing that.
D
Deleted member 487
I asked myself this, and it took quite a bit of thinking and time to consider the answer. The truth is, no one is ready for it. Me, I am. I know what the truth is. Bringing it out hurts me in no way. I have tried bringing it out, but too many people just don't care. So...why bother?
So if I tell the truth, no one can handle it. I will be ostracized and vilified over it. By people that weren't there and that have no idea who is innocent and who is guilty. It's just not worth it.
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