Why Are People So Pretentious?

[Rani G2]

Hey,

i am dissapointed about the way people in my sorrounding relate to me or lets say not relating at all. I am angry, so things might not appear reflected, analysed and so on.

I have a so called family, relatives, and cousins,
some of them I grew up with. A few keep on saying how much they "love" each other. How great and wonderful the family is. Bulls*t I know how they talk when a person is not there. They are constantly worried about their status quo. How they look, what they have achieved, if you dont fit into these categories, then you are a shame.

Not all of them, but many yes. A few weeks ago someone out of the family called me after years, saying how much she loves me, she is so happy to have me as a sister. Blaah bla...then boom 2 weeks after that nothing. I asked this person what was going on? No decent answer on that.Connection stopped. I am someone I can handle ( At least I think so) authenticity. I'd rather prefer reserved people who dont pretend. Then i know where I'm at. But all if this " I love you" is very annoying. If one has a problem why not for heavens sake, just tell whats bothering them , why be so all goody goody?

Why are many people like this?

I dont need this. I'd rather stay for myself rather than dealing with game playing ppl.

Shankara

 

[Richie]

it sounds like people are merely trying to cleanse their own souls rather than actually reaching out to you. Focus on those who actually care about you and take a passive view of those who pretend

 

[Rani G2]

@Richie:

I've been working on this Richie. Someone here gave me a similar advice which is definitely helpful. Just dissapointed, that many have reacted this way.

Thanks

 

[Rumors]

Listen, I am surrounded by those people. They judge others for religion, race, economic status, marriage, children, car, home, etc. Bottom line is that people who think and act like that are merely trying to overcome their own insecurity and history. I promise you that in no way are they any less sick than the rest of us! The beautiful part is when you recognize that, you then can rise above and choose what path you want to take.
I hug homeless people, sick children, and pick up trash with the garbage man. Some of my "family" think that I am crazy for doing that. When I board a private plane, I usually know the flight staff better than my family when we arrive. I don't do it because I am trying to prove anything or get a gold star. I really believe we are here to be of service to others and not just ourselves. I want to hear stories and know people. If I can change one persons day then just maybe they will go on and change someone else's day.
People who are insecure enough to put people down based on economic status simply have their own demons to fight. Be comfortable in your own skin and be the person you know can make a difference. F*ck the rest of them.

 

[Richie]

I am not a therapist yet but I can draw on my own experiences. My family were proud of me while I served in the Army but when I left and came home I was pretty much ignored. I had suffered from depression since childhood anyway (self diagnosed and self treated) due to never having the relationship with my father that I always desired. In the end I chose to separate myself from them and I feel so much better for it. They may be family but you have to look after your own well being first and foremost. Superficial people are never worth getting upset about because they probably aren't getting upset about their lack of interaction from you. As long as they check in now and again, they feel that they have fulfilled their side of the social contract but that isn't good enough for me. I have very few people who are close to me but I know I can rely on them when I need them. Anyone else is categorized as friend, mate, acquaintance etc. Not because I am heartless but because I need to do that for my own survival. Being there for everyone else regardless of whether that loyalty is returned will always drag you down and you deserve better

 

[Gs172003]

I've said this before. My mom lives across the street. I never see her. I literally see her on holidays. I tried having a relationship with her when I first moved in...fail. My whole family is like that. I gave up. Maybe try finding friends to fill in the gaps youre losing with them. They simply aren't capable. I'm sorry

 

[Rani G2]

@Rumors,

thanks for writing.

Bottom line is that people who think and act like that are merely trying to overcome their own insecurity and history.

This could be true, and might be the case why some of them get connected in such a superficial way. Trying to avoid their own pain, not facing their own conflicts or at least thats how they come come across.

Its good to hear, that you have been able to connect with people differently.

 

[Rani G2]

In the end I chose to separate myself from them and I feel so much better for it. They may be family but you have to look after your own well being first and foremost.

I agree with you. At the end if the day, I have to take responsibility for myself. No one else can, and will. Deceitfulness can be very painful, if you have trust in someone and this person changes so quickly. But this is an experience which adds in to my box of life's lessons.

I know the reasons why they keep on strong facades, and I know how deep they fall if something strucks them. If you avoid pain for so long you cant have something like a true self. Just little peaces of externals you paste together. And they tend to Fall apart very quickly.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Well I personally see two reasons, one, is self defence mechanism. Many humans are highly insecure (and.. Stupid)

And two, due to brainwashing / conditioning from an early age.

*sigh* I'm sorry.

 

[Rani G2]

Its hard to get out if that system. Yes conditioning happens very early.
Thats why I love Matrix, every time I feel low,
I watch a few scenes a couple of times:

Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you seemed so sure it was real? But if were unable to wake up from that dream, how would you tell the difference between the dream world & the real world?
Neo: This can't be.
Morpheus: Be what? Be real?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yup :happy: and there are many who need to be unplugged but are dependent on the system! Great movie :D

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Perhaps we are all walking around thinking the same thing but no one is brave enough to say it :laugh: