Why Can't I Talk?

[GWhizz]

@KwanYingirl yes I waste a lot of therapy caught in my own head too! I'm an acute surgical nurse so I really need to be on the ball for work too. But I dunno, it's like the work environment really just puts me into work mode and I'm more focused as I don't have time to distract back to myself which is probably a good thing. I don't like having a lot of time on my hands for this very reason.

The EMDR sounds really good but yes best wait until your T agrees you're ready so it won't overload you. I think I'm trying to rush therapy right now just to 'get it all out'. But if we're not ready, we should listen to our body/mind.

I finally just text my T about my thoughts of self harming over the weekend. I have asked her to clarify exactly when it is or isn't okay to contact her and explained my worry that I maybe annoying her. I'm just hoping she won't contact my GP now as I don't want him to freak out and say I'm not fit for work now or something

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@GWhizz I am glad that you contacted your therapist and that you asked her to clarify when it is okay to contact her.

@KwanYingirl and @GWhizz - I too spend a lot of time in my head either having flashbacks, thinking of what I want to say, or dissociating. That applies to life in general and therapy. I find I can usually focus when I am at work if I am actually teaching.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@GWhizz
Yes I completely understand how your work gets you focused. I was an ER Radiographer for 25 years until I was sensitized to gluteraldehyde and had to leave the medical field. I loved my job it was so unavoidable, but my supervisor chose to illegally dispose of the glut and we got sick. I miss medicine and the challenge of acute care.

I am wondering-when you text your T and know you won't get a reply-does it still help you get out of 'self harm mode'? What else helps you? I get dissociative and either cut or over medicate. I'd like to make some progress in that area. Does writing a journal help you? I get triggered by my own memories even writing this I can feel some anxiety building.:(

 

[Tinyflame]

I am glad @GWhizz it went so much better than you feared, :tup: , & that you love your job & co-workers. I have no doubt it will get better & easier & back in the swing with time, you've already faced the hardest part, you've really done great! :)

I think you are doing what works best for you, far as finding ways to express it, or to look for ways.

Not sure about you but referencing to what KwanYingirl said above, I was raised where you don't vent, but look for solutions. So asking questions & getting no response makes me feel like a child when I asked the same & got no help. It also reminds me of a family dynamic that with 2 individuals was frought with lies & manipulation. Now that I realize that, it doesn't bother me to not get a response, but it's mostly just a negative. I guess it reinforces no help is possible, I am wrong to speak. But I don't know, I've come to "it doesn't matter". Indifferent mostly now.

 

[GWhizz]

Well my T has always responded. Today she tried calling after I text. But I was at the dentist so I told her I could try her later but never got a reply to that so maybe she's busy I don't know. It's just after 6pm here so I would have thought she'd reply before 6. I do feel a bit gutted now she hasn't replied but I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet. She may yet call/text. Anyway I'm going to do a yoga class later which should help hopefully. I don't really do journals as they are too triggering. Even writing for my T gets me.

@KwanYingirl I'm sorry you're feeling triggered posting here

 

[KwanYingirl]

It's getting less and less, but thank you for your concern.

 

[Sarah2732]

I am wondering-when you text your T and know you won't get a reply-does it still help you get out of 'self harm mode'? What else helps you? I get dissociative and either cut or over medicate. I'd like to make some progress in that area. Does writing a journal help you? I get triggered by my own memories even writing this I can feel some anxiety building.:(

Not sure if you were just asking Gwhizz or just asking in general but my method at this point in recovery is "delay and distract" when I am feeling that way. Like, Sunday was bad for me so I made a to-do list full of things I needed to get done that day. so I spent a few hours painting and reupholstering a chair I was bored with. I still wanted to do something destructive, but my hands were engaged in something grounding and my brain was distracted. Days like that I keep myself busy till I am exhausted physically and mentally, then take my meds and crash into bed.

Sometimes I do journal in those times and for me it really helps. - even if I am just scribbling thoughts, journal entries later help figure out what was going on and what triggered me.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Sarah2732
I welcome all the advice I can get!! Yes, I do notice if I get up and moving and no matter how much I want to crawl under the covers, it helps. Is that what grounding is? I'm told by my T and my Reiki Master that I need to practice grounding techniques. If I posted a thread for this question, what forum should I use?

 

[BloomInWinter]

There's an old thread about grounding I started when I was new to the forum.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/grounding-101.12459/

 

[RussH]

G my trauma diary is entitled This is my story and if telling it can help others. Please feel free to read it. It is kind of long, but you are welcome to read it, and please if you need someone to talk with ( well write with) feel free to message me or otherwise communicate with me.