Why Can't You Accept It...

[Wopado]

A year and a half and I'm still waiting for you. Why can't you believe that I love you. I don't care what your past was. I don't care if you are not perfect. I'm not perfect either. I love you with all your flaws. I just want to be there for you. I want to help ease your pain. I want to hold you when you need comfort. Why can't you let me do that? What else do I have to do to prove I'm not going to hurt you?

 

[Senecec]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope the person you're speaking of understands, but as a PTSDer I know we have really thick skulls. Sometimes you have to say it so plainly there is no room for misinterpretation because it is just that hard for us to believe someone cares. I wish you the best, hopefully they will see and learn to accept it. Everyone deserves that kind of love.

 

[Etima]

That's very romantic. Unless they really don't want it then you have to accept it.

 

[Abuhat]

It's not about you AT ALL.

I see sooooo many supporters who ask "what can I do to make things better?" Or "what did I do wrong?"

The answer is nothing, because its not about you.

 

[Ipur]

It may not be about them. But it effects them, so it's natural and a good thing that they ask that question. It's important they understand that the acceptance they're after may not ever happen and so they might need to eventually let that person go, but at the same time a PTSD sufferer does need someone willing to love them in spite of their past and their flaws as much as any other person, yet their pasts and their flaws tend to be more life altering for everyone around them.

 

[Wopado]

I know it's not about me. I know he cares even though it's been so hard for him to articulate or even show it. I know it scares him that I love him. His words to me were " How could you say you love me? You obviously were not listening to what I've told you before." Some days, he'll smile and squeeze me. But after that, the pulling away happens. :mad::(:eek: That's what's happening right now. I'm just venting.

 

[Ipur]

You are perfectly welcome to vent. I'm a sufferer and even I get super frustrated at the way *I* behave in relationships. I do understand in reverse the pain you are feeling. Vent all you need to, that's what this place is for.

 

[Fida]

Please feel free to vent. You certainly have a right to. I would not want to deal with me that is for sure. Anyone who does it must be very strong.

I want to hold you when you need comfort.

The thing is that normally that would make it worse for me. I often allow others to do this for them. When it makes it worse for me. I sometimes thinking needing to help can be about others not me. Its Ok if people realise that but concerns me if they are thinking "if only you would let me I can fix you". Not saying this applies to you or your special person.

 

[Wopado]

The thing is that normally that would make it worse for me.

Could you please explain why it would make it worse for you? What goes through you mind and what are the possible effects?

 

[Fido]

When I feel like that it is as if I have no skin. Both physically or metaphorically. Having someone comfort me feels like an injury. I already have too much going on to deal with. Its not like normal distress which is one thing inside one with skin intact.

It is rather like a hundred different things bombarding me from every direction and no skin. Someone even speaking to pushes the overwhelm over the edge.

The kindest and most giving, healing thing for me when I am like that is too have space but still know that the person cares and there is no pressure. To know that the person is OK and I don't have to feel guilty or worry about them.

Very unfair I know as we all want to be useful to those we love.

I certainly would not be able to be on the receiving end as I very easily absorb others emotions.

 

[Fido]

Oops. Misspelt. That was Fida.

 

[Ipur]

I feel the same way. When I cry in front of someone I immediately feel stupid and guilty and I laugh mockingly at myself. I can't help it.