Why Did The Abusive Ex...

[Sideways]

Gossip. People and their shitty little lives, beating up the latest gossip. The history of your threads - I'm picking up that they're not moving mountains some of these people. So little lives, feeding off the gossip.

Hopefully that means that it will come and go, and they'll lose interest when there's someone else to gossip about.

 

[Silver.]

Why would he introduce you to his friends when he had no respect for you? You don't share someone that you don't care about.
And really, if people keep coming to you with information about him, then it's because they feel they can. If you set boundaries and make it clear that he is out of your life, then people will stop coming to you with petty information that is setting you back instead of allowing you to move on
Take Care

 

[J_trustno1]

So his new girlfriend matters and I was there to be just used for his own benefits (i.e. assignments and other favors?)

 

[Silver.]

^^ you already answered this in your original post:

He always verbally and emotionally abused me, insulted me, put my achievements always below everyone because I was more qualified than him so he always found ways to put me down. Last but not least he sexually assaulted me several time until the last time when I decided to get him reported to the police in July.

 

[J_trustno1]

That means he was jealous of me and my achievements?

 

[Silver.]

I think you are digging way too into this for someone who treated you so poorly
He treated you like crap, he had no respect for you so he didn't want to "show you off"

It isn't going to do you any good to sit here and compare yourself to his current girlfriend nor to sit here and wonder what his feelings towards you were. Because what are you going to gain by sitting here and dwelling on these things?

I think if you should be worrying about anything, it should by why you care so much about him and his life right now.

 

[shimmerz]

That means he was jealous of me and my achievements?

Let's roll with that. So then, what if he was jealous of you and your achievements? What would you do about that then? Would you dumb it down? Have something to accuse him of to his face? Be able to tell anyone that knew you both that he was jealous of you so that it was all his fault and not yours? Have him confess publicly that he wronged you and that he thought your higher skill sets were a threat to him?

See what a distraction WHY is? See what a brain loop you have gotten yourself into because of this? Is that really what you want?

As far as the girls talking about this guy to you? They are not friends. Friends don't do that. And I am starting to learn that if someone isn't my friend, then I don't want them talking about things to me that are personal. I would suggest that you, with great dignity and strength, tell these girls to shut their mouths. You have no interest in hearing about this drama kak garbage dung. It's drama that seems like is getting you all wound up.

 

[scout86]

The most important thing about him keeping your relationship some kind of secret is that it's a red flag. That's NOT the sign of a normal, healthy relationship. Doesn't really matter exactly what he's thinking. It means that he, for what ever reason, doesn't value you in the way you deserve and in the way people value others in healthy, worthwhile relationships. There are a TON of possible excuses for his behavior. They ALL reflect on him. I can understand you feeling hurt and angry. You have plenty to feel that way about in a situation like this. But he's not worth wasting the time and energy on. Learn what you can from the situation an move on to better things as soon as you can.

 

[Deleted member 541]

What I'm getting out of all of this is, that you still care for the guy.... if you didn't, then whatever he does now or whoever he's seeing now wouldn't affect you like this. He was a jerk and he sexually abused you. You should be glad he's with someone else and has moved on with his life.

I would also tell the people telling you this shit, to shut the hell up that you don't want to hear it. If they continue, then walk away from these people because they are not your friends!!!!!,

 

[Friday]

Why does the abusive prick continue to be an abusive prick? Because he's an abusive prick.

Why is he treating his next victim better than he treated you? Because he's not an idiot. You not only caught on and fought back, but reported his ass. Clearly, he's improving his technique. Criminals evolve. They refine their techniques, and learn from their mistakes. You? Were a mistake. Because you got away. So he's changing how he does things. That isn't a "why you suck" thing. This is a "why you rock" thing.

Why are his friends taunting you? You think they might be mad at the ex who dumped and reported their abusive friend? That their motives might just be a bit suspect? Furthermore, someone who remains friends with an abuser? May be naïveté on their part (they don't believe someone they like could hurt someone), it may be a trauma history (that makes them think abuse is normal), it make be that birds of a feather flock together (abusers themselves)... But regardless of why they're friends with an abuser, they are. They are his friends. Not yours. And not to be trusted.

There. Is. Nothing. You. Did. That. Made. Him. Abusive. Trying to figure out what's different between you and his next victim is an exercise in futility. You got out. You figured out who and what he is and you saved yourself. These are good things. Would you have still figured it out if he'd treated you like a princess for 2 years, then shown his true colors? Maybe. But the only sure thing is you would have wasted 2 years of your life. If the things he did, like keep you a secret, helped you see his later abuses sooner? Hell yes! Score! Awesome! Thank goodness he kept you a secret! These are good things, hon. Whether getting lucky that he hadn't refined his technique so much that he kept you longer, or being smart enough to figure out what's going on, or strong enough to leave, or brave enough to report him... These are all good things about you. Not marks against you.

 

[Gs172003]

I don't even know his new gf, nor I have seen her and not even interested in any of this. I don't ge...

How do you know they are telling the truth?

 

[aut555]

You fell for the wrong guy. People know the history, know you sorta of like him and hope to cause problems. If you go back to him then you add to all of this. Students have nothing better to do then screw with people, and you are on the top ten list. Sexual assault is assault, and by going back to him or having interest says you validate what he did to you. You need to focus on why you let someone assault you repeatedly and why you aren't seeking counseling for this. Why didn't leave this person a long time ago? Maybe you need to look at feeling insecure, is this from childhood? Tell *friends* that talk about him, you have moved on and really don't want to talk about him.

Everyone is saying here this is a unhealthy response you are having. If he never valued you, he never will. Why? Because he doesn't value woman at all, ever. That's the way he was raised. That's the way a lot of men are raised, it's your job should you wish to date, to find men that don't view woman as something to just use sexually.

Some woman chose to stay single, and you have that option too. Take this energy and direct it towards studies and getting employed in the future, start concentrating on you and how you will support Yourself as a young adult. Jobs are tough in this economy, maybe you should direct all your energy there instead. Good luck, time to move on, kick his butt to the side, he has nothing for you but misery, why subject yourself to this?