Why Did The Abusive Ex...

[J_trustno1]

..introduced his new gf to everyone and all this friends but always kept me as a secret? He showed all his friend this new gf, she even comes and waits for him outside his class. Btw this is how the entire story goes...

Background
Met his guy in May 2016, he forced to introduce himself through our mutual friends and I had no interest in him initially. Then he slowly started showing how depressed he was because of his previous breakup and wanted a gf etc. He was always crying for attention, and I gave it to him.

He always kept me hidden and as a secret from everyone
He always verbally and emotionally abused me, insulted me, put my achievements always below everyone because I was more qualified than him so he always found ways to put me down. Last but not least he sexually assaulted me several time until the last time when I decided to get him reported to the police in July.

Within few months now, he's got a new gf and he's flaunting her around and showing all that love and care. Everyone knows her but why the f*ck did he keep me a secret?

 

[Gs172003]

Because he's a pig. Why do you care?

 

[J_trustno1]

because I was treated like crap. I am not asking for misery for that new girl. All I'm asking is why was I given a shitty treatment and kept as a secret?

I know that many will say that I don't know what happens behind the closed doors, or it's a honeymoon phase etc etc...

I just want to know why I am getting the rumors about this new girl.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Agree with @missy meier !!!! Sometimes it's better to not ask WHY and just accept that it is.......

 

[Gs172003]

Cut off everything that has anything to do with him. If he treated you bad and well, he's an ex, there's no reason for you to have a danged thing to do with him.

 

[Gs172003]

because I was treated like crap. I am not asking for misery for that new girl. All I'm asking is why...

Because he's a pig. Just because he has a new method does not mean he will treat this one better. Move on.

 

[Stickler]

He's a dick. He may be doing it just to f*ck with your head.
...He'll turn on her too, sadly.

 

[Sideways]

Why did he insult you, abuse you, sexually assault you? Why does he get to be happy? Why does he get to move on when I'm stufk? Why?

Why?

That's one of those questions we will probably never get answered. In any of its forms.

This sounds like the facebooking thing. Why are you keeping one eye on him and his life? He will move on. Chances are, if not with this chic, he will eventually settle down with someone. And potentially treat her really well (or not) and be happy (or not).

So let him go. As the abused, part of their past, we get the hell that is watching our abusers get to move on and we never get answers to the question why. So at some point, we have to stop watching them. When mutual acquaintances talk about them, we have to stop listening or leave. We have to make them nothing more than a part of our past.

This is reliving your trauma. Your hell. You don't need to do that. Acceptance takes time, but it's an achievable goal. Getting answers to the question Why, usually isn't ever achieveable.

Be gentle with yourself. I'm sorry it hurts.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Ragdoll Circus , I'm not on facebook, I deactivated it a month ago. It's his female class mates who are telling me about his new gf.
His guy friends are always keeping an eye on me at college and I don't get the point.

 

[Sideways]

His mates. Male or female. They sound like they're a trigger (makes sense), so in a sense, they are like an extension of him.

Tune out if you can, when you need to. Take care of you.

Top work on the Facebook situation - it takes guts to do something like that for yourself:)

 

[J_trustno1]

I don't even know his new gf, nor I have seen her and not even interested in any of this. I don't get why I'm getting updates.

 

[Casey_03]

I agree with everyone else that it really doesn't matter why he's doing what he's doing. BUT at the same time, I realize that may be harder said than done .... The thing is, you always seem to focus on the negative things you perceive about yourself when you remember things about this guy (in this case, it seems like you suspect he didn't introduce you because there was something wrong with you?), rather than things about him. Stop. Every time you find yourself wondering something like this, try to switch gears and focus on something really terrible/revolting/disgusting/unappealing about him. And do that until you start seeing him as a tiny, tiny person who is not worth your time.