Why do they like me?

[Upside Down Eagle]

I hope this is the right place, not sure how to categorize this question.

The thing I don´t really understand what people see in me.

I´ve been very lethargic and unmotivated lately, and I figure it´s because I think of myself as someone who fails at life. People around me seem to care a lot about me though, but I´m a bit scared of asking them why they care about me. Perhaps I should do it, it might make me feel better.

My friends know a lot about me but I seldom ask very personal stuff like this. What do you think? Would they think it´s a strange question?

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I say go for it. What's the worst possible thing that can happen if you ask them? If they think it's too strange to answer, then ask them why they think that. They may be just as uncomfortable discussing feelings as you are, and by openly asking, you may unknowingly be giving them all permission to be okay communicating about it.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Why even ask????? Accept the fact that people see good in you, and care about you!!! Enjoy and be excited that people feel this way about you!!! It should tell you something!!!

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I get what you are saying, but I have a hard time appreciating things I truly don´t understand. So I think I´ll go with Tornadic´s advice and give it a go... I´ve been wanting better communication with my friends, perhaps this is my shot.

I am the king of awkward conversations so why not :D

 

[illusionist]

I'd personally be hurt that I felt I needed to ask this then again I am open to telling those I'm close to how I do see them.

Are you sure you are not closing off messages they are giving you?

 

[illusionist]

Sorry....hurt that they felt they needed to ask this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Taking a risk always has elements of fear of being rejected in them I think. A marriage counselor we had many years ago told me that there is no conspiracy with people that, they get together and plan on liking you. I know it is hard to accept that people like you, I know that I do because you are a kind, and real person that you can be yourself with. That is a wonderful thing to be. I wish more people were kind and real. Good luck.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote............"People around me seem to care a lot about me though, but I´m a bit scared of asking them why they care about me."

I would consider myself to be lucky to have such people around me, I would just accept the fact that they do care, and enjoy their support and company, good luck.

 

[joeylittle]

I´ve been very lethargic and unmotivated lately, and I figure it´s because I think of myself as someone who fails at life.

I've moved this thread over to the sub-forum on negative core beliefs and cognitive distortions, because that is what you are really dealing with here.

Personally, I think it's worth asking them, if you can take in what they say and then use it as a form of evidence (thought-record style) against your own perception of yourself as a failure at life.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

People around me seem to care a lot about me though, but I´m a bit scared of asking them why they care about me.

Wondering why you feel the desire or need to ask why others care about you? Hmmm.

Perhaps I should do it, it might make me feel better.

From your above comment It seems like (I am not clear) that you may be struggling with feeling better...about yourself in relationship to others? If okay, I'd like to know more about how you feel about yourself in relationship to your friends...and I seriously doubt that your friends would think it a "strange" question to ask...not at all. I'm around a lot of people throughout the week and some I'd consider to be precious, beloved people who on occasion do compliment me.

And when they do compliment me, I feel so odd (unsteady and questioning myself) when they do and I struggle to say...thank you and I must be projecting more positivity and optimism than I'm internally feeling about myself as well as life in general. Because I seem to get so much more positive energy back from those I spend the most time around than I'm actually internally feeling within/about myself.

And for me...it's freaking exhausting to be around people for very long...although I do enjoy their company for that brief period of time. And I can't wait to get back home again and decompress and chill.

 

[lolamay]

I completely agree with @joeylittle
I believe you should ask in order to gather evidence for yourself to fight false core beliefs.
I have definitely done this with really trusted friends. After my abusive marriage ended I have been struggling a lot with this belief that I'm disposable and that my worth depends on my function.
So when I recently had a depressive crisis, I asked a friend who came to support me why he still comes if I'm always a disaster. And he said that he keeps coming because we're friends, because I'm valuable and deserve to be supported. It's so validating to hear that sometimes and to remember that it has been said to me and of me.
I say do it.

 

[anonymous]

I say pass it on by if these aren't hardcore friends who will stick by you.

Hell, I have these thoughts myself but if someone asked me, I'd probably think different about them afterward. Maybe even pity them.