Sexual Assault Why Don't We Report Sexual Assault?

[Muzikluvr]

Why didn't I tell? Well, I did at first, and I was met with some ridicule and disgust, but mostly I was met with disbelief.

• I was told by my mom that the legal system would not protect me.

• She said that my dad would testify that I was lying and my grandma would testify that I was party to it.

- This may seem specific to me, but I would imagine that there are others out there who whose friends or relatives would testify that they (the victim) were the instigator or liar.

• She said that even if the legal system convicted the rapists, that I would be known in the community as someone who may have lied about being raped, or may be promiscuous.

• She said I would be targeted by other predators, and they would use the first time I was raped as fodder for a claim that I was seeking attention, lying all along, or that I had solicited it.

• She said that once it was known that I'd claimed to be sexually assaulted, that someone well liked in the community with a good reputation, would be the next to rape me and then the first claim would be thrown out when I make the second claim. After that, no one will believe me about sexual assault of any kind.

So, there's risk involved in reporting sexual assault. But, what can be done to change that risk? How can we advance our society to protect the victim, while continuing to provide protection for those falsely accused?

Why was I met with ridicule and disgust? I don't remember being ashamed of being raped, I mean, I remember being shamed for it, but it wasn't my own idea. My thoughts were on the lines of being beaten, assault and battery kind of thing.

Here's my question, why would someone report assault and battery, but not report rape? Or, on the flip side, why would society be outraged at a woman being beaten but ashamed of her if she's raped? Is that what our society feels? I'm re-reading that sentence and picturing a pregnant woman being beaten and a promiscuously dressed woman being raped.

Maybe the word rape always conjures the image of a woman who walked into a bar wearing a short skirt, no panties, and a bra for a shirt. Well, she probably deserved it. These women think they can just flaunt themselves in front of men and expect men not to respond.

Is that our society?

Thoughts? Or am I just ranting about my own feelings of inadequacy for not having gone to the police before the statute of limitations ran out?

 

[Lsquaredw]

It is really unfortunate the way your family responded to what you told them. At least you had the courage to tell them about it! I haven't done that yet!

I think that it is terrible that society has a skewed vision of sexual abuse. It feels that most of the time it is the victim's fault and not the abuser. That is definately not the way it should be or feel...ever!

I know that I have a fear of telling people what happened because when I first tried to say anything, no one believed me. So, there is that too. The people whom you choose to tell won't believe you. It is sad, but it happens.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! I was thinking about this same topic recently, and feel quite the same as you do. I just didn't know how to put it down into writing!

Blessings! :)

 

[Muzikluvr]

I am certainly afraid that I won't be believed, that he will lie and his lies will be believed or at least will cast doubt on my character and that doubt will bring shame to my current family. That my community will shun me.

But, every time we don't report, the rapist gets to rape another woman.

My OWN mother is the one who told me what people would think. AND, she never defended a woman who reported rape. She ALWAYS cast doubt on the woman first. Like she deserved it. (I guess that explains a lot about my childhood)

Still, she's not the only woman who blames the woman. Why don't we stand up for each other? Where's all this backstabbing and backbiting coming from? We should like, go to these trials en masse and stand behind the victim. Bolster her courage to tell what really happened. I know, that when I was telling on Bully, I was ALONE. No one was in my corner, while he had Uncle encouraging him, and my dad was allowing them to interrupt my story. It was difficult already to keep my mind on track. I could hardly get the details out.

I think it's difficult to tell the story in front of people because I am always listening to myself from the point of view of a suspicious person looking for motive to discredit a man. So, it's difficult to stand alone and tell the facts as they happened without trying to defend myself. Each time I defend myself, it seems to lead others to suspect me more. Just the facts, though. That always makes me feel better. Like that's not variable, that's just what happened.

 

[cherryblossom]

I didn't report being raped, because he told me if I told anyone, he would find me and kill me. I believed him, and just wanted to 'forget' it ever happened. And although denial lasted several years, it still caught up with me. 18 years on, I'm only just beginning to properly face it and deal with it. Hopefully, I'm finally on the right path.

 

[Muzikluvr]

**********WARNING************** HIGHLY TRIGGERING ************* DETAILED**********

It was 20 years ago that I was last raped by Bully, and he threatened my unborn niece and my unborn daughter. He said that he would find out who they are, and the niece would be easy because she will have my maiden name, and he would rape them when they go to college. He said that he would implicate me in the crimes he was committing if I went to the police. He made these threats all while I was bound and he was raping me.

He is a computer technician. His mother worked for the phone company and he said he would create a trail of phone calls to link us during his crime spree. He would make it sound like I enjoyed it and like I gave him ideas of what to do, and then that I came there to try it for myself. He recorded me screaming and he changed what I was saying into words that could be used for his cover story. He played the recording for his sister and mother, and the sister told me that she half believed him, even though I was screaming really loudly "He's raping me! Call 911". (I knew I should have said there was a fire.) I had also said things that were easily misconstrued. I rambled out of my mind, and from time to time he would ask me questions rather calmly like we were friends and I would answer calmly before realizing where I was and what was happening.

Anyway, all of those threats resonate with me still. I worry about my nieces going off to college. I worry about his relatives finding out from mine, what my last name is, and then telling him. I am afraid, still. I worry that he will implicate me and that I will be sent to prison for crimes I didn't commit.

 

[leanne1321]

I think it's a mixture of things. 1st of all, there is always that doubt in your mind where you feel you are to blame, 2nd the abusers know how to torment you psychologically and make threats and 3rd, most rapes and such are commited by someone you know. When you add in forgetting details and even the entire incident, it can make it hard to prosecute.

That's why I won't. My husband used to be a police man in the UK and he talked me through the process when he urged me to do it. With the fact that it's my word against his and unable to give a date or certain details, he would be arrested, but it would probably never go to court. And if it did, I wouldn't be strong enough to go through it and have to see him/them and have a defence lawyer make me out to be a liar.

I hope that religion and hell are real, so sick perverted f***s like them can go there and rot!