Relationship Why Me? What Are The Odds Of This?

[here4him]

As many of you know, I dated a guy with combat PTSD for a few months. Things were great and then, out of nowhere, he decided he couldn't handle the stress of the expectations of a relationship and just needed a friend. He didn't want to cut me out of his life. He wanted to talk to me and hang out with me and be my friend. Less than a week later, he had totally cut me out. He ignored texts and calls and blocked me (didn't just unfriend me, he took the extra step to block me) on Facebook.

So, for the past few months, I've been here trying to understand and learn and what I've learned is that I need to just move on. I started talking to a new guy a few weeks ago. He seems great. We have the same sense of humor, can talk for hours, and just click. I had kind of been avoiding asking why his marriage failed, but it came up today. Want to take a guess??? Delayed onset PTSD. I just want to crawl in a hold and stay there. I don't know if I can go through this again. For what it's worth, he seems to be handling it way better than the last guy. But, suddenly I've gone from excited about something new to really on guard.

 

[Dallas]

I think that's a healthy choice that you're dating other people. But what are the odds you'd meet someone else with PTSD! lol! Well, maybe the first one was God's way of preparing the way for the second one. Maybe the second one is who you're supposed to be with...

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Bilby]

Everybody is different - unique, an individual :) Don't write him off just because he has PTSD. Obviously a relationship where PTSD is involved can be hard work, but that doesn't mean that it can't work. Both people in the relationship need to be taking care of themselves and putting in time and effort - if this is happening, things can be great :)

 

[amethist]

A relationship with PTSD can work, especially if the sufferer is doing all they can to keep it on a level footing.

My husband and I have survived the upheaval of PTSD invading our lives, not been easy but so far we have succeeded, many others do too.

So maybe this is the one to be with, but only time will tell.

 

[here4him]

I think that's a healthy choice that you're dating other people. But what are the odds you'd meet someone else with PTSD! lol! Well, maybe the first one was God's way of preparing the way for the second one. Maybe the second one is who you're supposed to be with...

Sincerely,
Dallas.

It's funny you say that. I had been wondering for months why God, fate, the universe, whatever you believe in would bring someone into my life who so quickly became so important to me only to let me get attached and then rip him away through a means I had no control over. It just seemed like a cruel joke. As soon as I settled down from the shock of guy #2's revalation, I started to wonder if maybe guy #1's role in my life was to expose me to PTSD, put me in a position where I researched and knew what I was up against, and to let me see how bad it could be (because he has a very severe case of PTSD) so when guy#2 entered, I could go into things with a clear head.

In his defense, as soon as I told guy #2 that him having PTSD scared me and why, he picked up the phone and wanted to talk about it. He still has days when he struggles, but it sounds like his bad days and guy #1's bad days are worlds apart. Actually, it sounds like his bad days and guy #1's good days are closer aligned. His attitude about the whole thing is different too. Where guy #1's attitude was "this is my life now and I have to learn to live this way", guy #2's attitude is "PTSD has taken enough from me. It's not going to take anymore and I'm taking my life back." But, I think the biggest difference is that it doesn't seem like it was ever as severe to begin with. So, I'm not writing him off yet, but I'm going to tread lightly which is the advice I've given others here who are entering a relationship with a PTSD sufferer.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am happy to hear you are hopeful, here4him. Hang in there as long as its healthy. I hope this time around its better for you. :)