Why me?

[smmkaymmmkay]

Alright this might be a bit "grim" but I cant help the way I feel and I just want to see if anyone can relate. When I get upset and triggered about what happened in my life, I ask the question and make the point... if my father was going to abuse me - WHY didnt he abort me? Why did he have a child and then abuse and hurt it? Why not just NOT have a damn kid?? If I have a kid in the future I will want to love it not hurt it. I get that he is sick and has a mental illness but I will always argue that that is not a good enough excuse. I struggle daily because I want to know WHY. I will never get that answer but I also just cant help but make the argument that I never had to be here. I didnt choose it. I feel like I am on an endless rollercoaster of shit every damn day and nothing gets better... rant over.

 

[arfie]

empathy, kay. when i start asking why, i can escalate to a blinding rage in no time flat. i still don't know why, but i have come to believe that knowing why won't change my past. why ask why?

hope the ranting helped.
hope healing happens here.

 

[Lost in the Woods]

Life isn’t fair. That is just the way it is. Why me is a losing path. Honestly, I have never had why me thoughts. Stuff happened. I find it best to look at how lucky we are. First off, you are using a computer so you are way ahead of the majority of the world’s population. Not many ask why me when it comes to the good stuff and maybe that is the time we should ask why me.

 

[deno]

I asked why me for years. It was a question that haunted me. Especially when the people who should’ve protected me were the ones who caused the most damage. That question became the background noise of my life.

I used to think if I could just find the answer...a reason...then I could finally make peace with it all. But I never got one. Not really. What I learned over time was that sometimes there is no good reason. Sometimes the people who hurt us do so because of their own brokenness, their jealousy, their fear, or even their evil, not because we did anything wrong. And even now, when I reflect, it still stirs up something deep. It reminds me that I didn’t deserve it. That it wasn’t mine to carry. That I didn’t choose this, and yet — here I am. Still standing. Asking about it doesn’t make you weak...it makes you real.

 

[Jade-]

I am a product of incest and when I was in therapy I stayed stuck on the "why" and "what if's" for quite a long time. I finally, after trying to analyze it from every angle possible, got burned out on thinking and talking about it and realized it doesn't really matter anyway because I AM here now and can't change the reason/how I got here.

I hope you one day get burned out on it too even though right now it just feels and seems so important and necessary to understand and comprehend. And I mean that in no offensive way what so ever.

 

[Friday]

I ask the question and make the point... if my father was going to abuse me - WHY didnt he abort me? Why did he have a child and then abuse and hurt it? Why not just NOT have a damn kid??

I feel that way about my exhusband, I gave him more than a dozen “outs” over the years… that he never took. Aside from the bazillion points of time where he could have just made a decision and left, he was actually OFFERED a guilt free exit strategy (with bonuses) that he flat out refused. Aaaaaaand went to some seeeeeeerious effort to maintain.

My takeaway? Some people? Are just abusive assholes. Who WANT targets to inflict pain on. And can f*ck right off.

They’ll collect more victims, of course, but I/we won’t be amongst them. Seriously. Abusers? Abuse. And will find &/or create what they need/want, in a convenient victim-pool. Family. Friends. Work. Whatever. The moment you can opt out of their hellscape? Do so. Their need to abuse others? Is all about them. Nothing about you. Except that you were in reach.

 

[Ecdysis]

WHY didnt he abort me?

I've wondered that too and I think that's the reason:

abusive assholes. Who WANT targets to inflict pain on

It's hard being a perp without having someone to dump your shit on.

Some people's brains unfortunately seem to be wired like that... They need to "externalise" their inner pain/ shit/ hate and their go-to strategy is to put it on someone else.

Their worst nightmare is being stuck "by themselves" with their inner crap.

 

[deno]

That haunting “why me” question was the thread I pulled on for decades, believing if I could just understand, I could escape the pain. But I realized that for some people, like many of you said, abuse isn’t about confusion or accident. It’s about control, projection, and power. Some people want someone to hurt. And that’s a horrifying truth to accept when you were the child, or the spouse, or the one who kept trying to make it make sense.

I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with what happened, but I’m learning that “being okay” isn’t required for healing. What matters now is what I do with my life from here—how I care for myself, protect my peace, and use what I’ve learned.

And like Jade said, maybe we do get burned out on the “why” eventually. I’m not sure I ever got my answer, but I did find clarity. And that clarity gave me freedom.

 

[Smmkay]

I am a product of incest and when I was in therapy I stayed stuck on the "why" and "what if's" for quite a long time. I finally, after trying to analyze it from every angle possible, got burned out on thinking and talking about it and realized it doesn't really matter anyway because I AM here now and can't change the reason/how I got here.

I hope you one day get burned out on it too even though right now it just feels and seems so important and necessary to understand and comprehend. And I mean that in no offensive way what so ever.

I am too. It sucks bc I like you couldn’t can’t get over the why right now. I’ve been asking this for 10 years. My therapist says “he’s a peodophile”… that is not acceptable to me though. I don’t care what he is or isn’t.. WHY DID HE DO IT??!! Like answer my question and stop beating around the bush.

I’m almost burned out on it… but not in my darkest of days. It’s a comforting question I think. :( thank you for the wonderful response and I am really sorry you’ve gone through a similar situation.

 

[Jade-]

I am too. It sucks bc I like you couldn’t can’t get over the why right now. I’ve been asking this for 10 years. My therapist says “he’s a peodophile”… that is not acceptable to me though. I don’t care what he is or isn’t.. WHY DID HE DO IT??!! Like answer my question and stop beating around the bush.

I’m almost burned out on it… but not in my darkest of days. It’s a comforting question I think. :( thank you for the wonderful response and I am really sorry you’ve gone through a similar situation.

I don't think it's a question your therapist or anyone else can answer. Nobody can truly know what goes on inside of someone's head.

I can honestly say I haven't thought about it in quite a few years. I have way yoo many bigger fish to fry than to allow myself to get stuck on that again. Or any of the other things I stayed stuck on for far too long, too many to even list actually.

I think some of it for me was avoidance. If I stayed stuck on the why's and what if's I didn't have to face or accept what had happened to me., even though I wasn't staying stuck consciously or purposely.

IDK though but yeah, I hope you can find a way past it.