I just have a quick question for you guys, why in therapy do you have to go in to exact detail of what happened to you? I am dealing with ptsd from incestual abuse for many years, and my therapist wants me to describe the events as specifically and exact as to what went on during the abuse. Why is this? Isn't there a better way to deal with the issues of ptsd then to go into graphic detail of the events.
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Why Must Therapy Be So Graphic?
- Post starter kris
- Start date
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Discussing events in detail, and often repeatedly, serves many purposes. First of all, by telling 'all the grisly details,' so to speak, it gets out the truth of what happened to you. It also helps to reduce any shame you might feel about what was done to you. Oftentimes this requires rehashing it over and over again, until you feel less terrified and shamed about those events. What bothers you most about sharing the details? The answer may give you clues about what's going on for you in therapy right now.
It's important to note, though, that while it's appropriate for your therapist to encourage and even nudge you to share, you shouldn't feel pushed. Feeling overtaken or out of control when sharing doesn't help you gain mastery over your memories. Dealing with repeated childhood abuse is a hard thing to do, but you CAN do it. Hang in there, because it really does get better.
It's important to note, though, that while it's appropriate for your therapist to encourage and even nudge you to share, you shouldn't feel pushed. Feeling overtaken or out of control when sharing doesn't help you gain mastery over your memories. Dealing with repeated childhood abuse is a hard thing to do, but you CAN do it. Hang in there, because it really does get better.
Mina
Diamond Member
Hi, Kris -
Kers is quite right about why therapy may require all the graphic details. You might also read the article [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content.php?r=341-Exposure-Therapy-for-PTSD"]Exposure Therapy For PTSD[/DLMURL] as it gives even more information on why those specifics are important.
Kers is quite right about why therapy may require all the graphic details. You might also read the article [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content.php?r=341-Exposure-Therapy-for-PTSD"]Exposure Therapy For PTSD[/DLMURL] as it gives even more information on why those specifics are important.
Echoing what kers said and adding, it's so graphic because the traumas that happened to us were so graphic. Not being a smart-ass, just honest. If you were in an accident and had bad physical trauma that needed surgery, it would be graphic and diffifcult, too. The healing would get easier with time, but it would be bad at first. It's the nature of this beast.
Lisa
Lisa
Hi Kris,
I think the input you have received is on target...for a long time I couldn't talk about it and then when I was ready to talk the psychologist wouldn't proceed. If it goes too slow it is VERY frustrating when you are ready and aching to talk but embarassed and ashamed of what happened. If your T is getting you to talk, be sure they are ready and willing to be there if you crash. You may also want to tell your T it feels like the timing and pace of therapy is too fast too, slow, etc. If they are willing to help they should be willing to listen to it. Follow your gut...there is nothing worse than being on different pages with your therapist.
Gina
I think the input you have received is on target...for a long time I couldn't talk about it and then when I was ready to talk the psychologist wouldn't proceed. If it goes too slow it is VERY frustrating when you are ready and aching to talk but embarassed and ashamed of what happened. If your T is getting you to talk, be sure they are ready and willing to be there if you crash. You may also want to tell your T it feels like the timing and pace of therapy is too fast too, slow, etc. If they are willing to help they should be willing to listen to it. Follow your gut...there is nothing worse than being on different pages with your therapist.
Gina
- Post starter
- #6
I guess it just hard for me to talk about all this because the therapist hasn't given me any resources on how to cope with all the flooding and flashbacks that I have been having since going to therapy. I don't know how to handle things, after every session I feel so numb, and like I am having an out of body experience that I become a walking zombie. When I was abused I know that's how I dealt with the abuse, was by leaving my body and pretending it wasn't happening.
After my first ever visit with any type of therapist it took me 2 months to go back, and this was because I was having such bad panic attacks and wasn't sleeping and was suicidal. He just started pushing me about what happened and wham the session was over without any advice on how to cope with the memories/thoughts/feelings that I had buried deep down inside of me, and that were now coming to the surface again, and he still hasn't helped me to deal with these thoughts.
After my first ever visit with any type of therapist it took me 2 months to go back, and this was because I was having such bad panic attacks and wasn't sleeping and was suicidal. He just started pushing me about what happened and wham the session was over without any advice on how to cope with the memories/thoughts/feelings that I had buried deep down inside of me, and that were now coming to the surface again, and he still hasn't helped me to deal with these thoughts.
D
Deleted member 541
OMG, why didn't you say something about this before.....A good therapist would NEVER do this to someone with PTSD.. They should ALWAYS teach you grounding skills, teach you coping skills, and make sure that you have some sort of support system outside of therapy to deal with things.....
kris, I am so sorry for what you have gone through....I suggest that before you proceed with your therapist, that you have a talk with him and set some ground rules, and ask for the resources that you need. If he won't comply with your wishes, well then, I would be finding a new therapist......
There are a ton of threads on here about coping skills, and grounding techniques. I suggest that you do a search and start reading as much as you can....
kris, I am so sorry for what you have gone through....I suggest that before you proceed with your therapist, that you have a talk with him and set some ground rules, and ask for the resources that you need. If he won't comply with your wishes, well then, I would be finding a new therapist......
There are a ton of threads on here about coping skills, and grounding techniques. I suggest that you do a search and start reading as much as you can....
Wow kris, I'm with She Cat. This could be really harmful to talk about your trauma without some ground rules. I know how you feel. Walking out of a session charged with emotion and panicking is awful and disquieting not to mention very dangerous if you become suicidal. The last therapist I had really came up short on support...the reaction was not to talk at all. I think I would put the brakes on and insist that several things be committed to writing by your T before proceeding:
1. A treatment plan (of care) that states what type of techniques will be used to process your trauma
2. Safety issues (who your supports are, how to reach them and where to go if things get rough and
you feel suicidal)
3. How to reach your therapist in case you crash, who their back up is, etc.
4. How long they estimate things will take
5. Ways to ground and calm down when it gets rough for you with flash backs etc.
6. How to handle medical back up if you need medication
The T I have now worked these things out with me before we began to talk about the events. I really get ticked off because everyone where I was previously was for therapy was interested in what happened and it made me mad. I felt like some emotional accident on the side of the road everyone slowed down to gawk at and then they drove on by leaving me to suffer without helping. Please don't let yourself get to that point.Take care of yourself and please go for what you need. I'm sorry if this sounds preachy but what you describe raises some major concerns and it sounds uncomfortable.
Hugs and wishes for healing.
Gina
1. A treatment plan (of care) that states what type of techniques will be used to process your trauma
2. Safety issues (who your supports are, how to reach them and where to go if things get rough and
you feel suicidal)
3. How to reach your therapist in case you crash, who their back up is, etc.
4. How long they estimate things will take
5. Ways to ground and calm down when it gets rough for you with flash backs etc.
6. How to handle medical back up if you need medication
The T I have now worked these things out with me before we began to talk about the events. I really get ticked off because everyone where I was previously was for therapy was interested in what happened and it made me mad. I felt like some emotional accident on the side of the road everyone slowed down to gawk at and then they drove on by leaving me to suffer without helping. Please don't let yourself get to that point.Take care of yourself and please go for what you need. I'm sorry if this sounds preachy but what you describe raises some major concerns and it sounds uncomfortable.
Hugs and wishes for healing.
Gina
Your therapist should never push you to the point of discomfort without also helping you find your way back. That is irresponsible and can be extremely harmful to you. One of the grounding techniques I use when I'm involved in a flashback or dissociating is making myself present in my body. When I'm at therapy my therapist will guide me in this, if I'm not I guide myself.
It's an anchor to the present. First what is the first thing you notice about your body? Are you sitting or standing? What are you sitting on? How does it feel against you? Is it hard or soft, cold or warm? What does the air feel like? Smell like? Can you hear anything? Describe what you are hearing. What else do you notice about what your body is feeling right now?
Just go through each sense and each feeling your body has and catalogue it.
As far as talking through the graphic details, I'm not sure if this is what the idea behind it is, but I find the more I'm able to actually remember about what happened, and talk through it, the more I'm able to make a proper memory out of it and put it in the timeline where it belongs, not rattling around in my head waiting to ambush me.
It's an anchor to the present. First what is the first thing you notice about your body? Are you sitting or standing? What are you sitting on? How does it feel against you? Is it hard or soft, cold or warm? What does the air feel like? Smell like? Can you hear anything? Describe what you are hearing. What else do you notice about what your body is feeling right now?
Just go through each sense and each feeling your body has and catalogue it.
As far as talking through the graphic details, I'm not sure if this is what the idea behind it is, but I find the more I'm able to actually remember about what happened, and talk through it, the more I'm able to make a proper memory out of it and put it in the timeline where it belongs, not rattling around in my head waiting to ambush me.
- Post starter
- #10
Thanks for the advice about how to keep myself sain so to speak. Last night was very rough, I have a therapy appointment coming up and I am to write a letter to my abuser, well I tried doing this and in the middle of it I started to get such a bad panic attack and was really thinking about killing myself. I know that's not the way to go about things, and I was able to overcome that feeling, but I just get so overwhelmed talking or thinking about any of my abuse. How my brother died really makes it hard for me to be mad at him, he suffered badly, and when I was writing that letter, I started to get mad at him. I don't want to hate my brother even though he abused me, I want to remember from the goodtimes of our childhood and not the bad. To write the letter was very frusturating, I hate myself for thinking that maybe God took my brother to save my neices from his abuse. I hate myself as well for thinking anything bad about him, yes he abused me but I love him, not in a sick way but the normal sibling type of love.
Okay first thing is that you should never do any work on your trauma when you do not feel you are in a safe place mentally and physically. If working on your trauma makes you want to kill yourself, you are not in a safe place and maybe should put it off for awhile.
Secondly, you can be mad at someone in your life and still love them. I'm incredibly angry with my mother for not stopping the abuse the first time she had the chance, but I still love her dearly. Now, I don't know the depth of your abuse with your brother so I can't really say for certain, but it sounds to me that by wanting to remember the good times with him instead of the abuse, that you're in avoidance mode. You can't have one without the other because they were all a part of your experience with him. You might be better served by trying to merge your experiences into a whole instead of separate it into parts and hide one away under a rock.
Secondly, you can be mad at someone in your life and still love them. I'm incredibly angry with my mother for not stopping the abuse the first time she had the chance, but I still love her dearly. Now, I don't know the depth of your abuse with your brother so I can't really say for certain, but it sounds to me that by wanting to remember the good times with him instead of the abuse, that you're in avoidance mode. You can't have one without the other because they were all a part of your experience with him. You might be better served by trying to merge your experiences into a whole instead of separate it into parts and hide one away under a rock.
D
Deleted member 541
kris,
Anger for you abuser is normal, and even healthy. It allows you to process what has happened to you, and to go through all of the stages of recovery. Holding onto that anger for long periods of time, and having it become rage, to the point that it's uncontrollable is NOT healthy.....
Personally, I have done the letter writing, and find it very effective on voicing what I couldn't as a child, because no one would listen, nor believe me. I said the things I wanted, and needed to say. I let loose with every name and foul word I could muster up, and let out every emotion that I could feel... Then I destroyed the letter, and tried to let go of all of the emotions, and knew that when the letter was gone, I was free from my abusers hold. I was free to move on......I was free to heal....
Anger for you abuser is normal, and even healthy. It allows you to process what has happened to you, and to go through all of the stages of recovery. Holding onto that anger for long periods of time, and having it become rage, to the point that it's uncontrollable is NOT healthy.....
Personally, I have done the letter writing, and find it very effective on voicing what I couldn't as a child, because no one would listen, nor believe me. I said the things I wanted, and needed to say. I let loose with every name and foul word I could muster up, and let out every emotion that I could feel... Then I destroyed the letter, and tried to let go of all of the emotions, and knew that when the letter was gone, I was free from my abusers hold. I was free to move on......I was free to heal....
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