Why Some People Choose To Get Help And Others Don't?

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have often wondered why some people chose to get help and others don't. My mother is an example, she clearly has problems with depression but she doesn't get help.

It wasn't easy to get help, it was really the hardest thing I've done and it's still really hard to get on going care becasue of the effort but I still do it becasue I see the worth. I don't know at point I snapped or what changed in me that never changed with my mother but something did.

I think for me it was just reality hitting me in the face becasue I couldn't keep going like that and live and not hurt other people when I did finally commit suicide. I also deeply wanted more out of life then what I was getting.

Ideas of why some people choose to get help? Why did you get help?

 

[Hashi]

My mother is an example, she clearly has problems with depression but she doesn't get help.

Is it clear to her?

Part of the reasons for me getting help was being clear that I needed to.

 

[Al_Lurker]

I'm a former supporter so feel free to disregard...

....but I think a sufferer needs to feel that it will actually be of benefit. Having been misdiagnosed, not given the proper therapy or even having the wrong therapist can lead to a feeling of resignation that keeps them from wanting to keep fighting a futile battle. Add this to the fear and pain involved and it makes a very large mountain to be climbed.

 

[Lucycat]

I had to get help. I was at non-functioning breakdown point. I was literally banging my head against a wall and saying that my head had gone crazy. I was real sick. I had no option.

But, horrific though it was, I am so glad that I started down that path to healing.

 

[Jezanna]

I think we humans have a amazing capacity to live in denial.

 

[desiderata310]

I waited for so long because of:

Stigma. Both around depression and anxiety and PTSD. I didn't want to be thought of as crazy and worse I didn't want to think of myself that way
"It's not that bad" I didn't start journaling until I started therapy. Until then, I didn't have a clear picture of how many of my days were really bad. How many days I spent lost in suicidal ideation. It made me realize that I have spent more of the last decade fighting suicidal thoughts, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc.
Fear: What do I do? How do I do it? This is going to be so hard. Am I going to have to lie on a chez lounge and talk about my feelings?
Lack of insurance: until more recent years I didn't have a job with reliable insurance
Lack of money: until I got the job I have now, I couldn't afford even the co-pay
Lack of support: When I was with someone and headed downhill all I ever heard was negative comments about people who suffer with any sort of mental illness. How could I possibly sink lower in their eyes than to admit I was at that point? When I finally got away, there was no one around that suggested I go. I lived in an echo chamber. All I could hear was the negative.

What made the difference for me?

Last year, I had moved away from my abusers. I was as far away as I could get and I was still suffering and had no idea why.
An old friend called one dark winter night in a really bad place thinking about suicide. I made a pact: if he would seek counseling I would do the same. The next week I was sitting in the office of my now therapist whom I see twice a week.

It was being utterly alone and really was going to self-destruct that made me finally agree to do this.

It's still one of the hardest things I have done. I have to FORCE myself to go to sessions. I have to fight through stressors and triggers and keep breathing and most of the time I really don't want to. I have the support in the form of a therapist now.
Still breathing. Still moving forward.

 

[maryiscontrary]

Will, my experience in the mental health sector has been nightmarish, and the source of a lot of trauma. It tore me way down. And I was totally responsible for meeting appointment, etc. For me, the system failed. So I do not seek help in the traditional medical sector, unless I have not other choice.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

I didn't get help until I was forced to. It wasn't voluntary. My pattern was always depression, drinking excessively, doing crazy sh*t, getting hospitalized, going on meds, finally feeling some better. Then when I felt better, I would go off of my meds, the depression would come back, I would drink even more, do some more crazy sh*t, get hospitalized again, get back on meds, feel better again. What a terrible way to live.

3 years ago I had a moment of clarity and started going to a 12 step group for my alcoholism and addiction. It was suggested I get a therapist too so I did. After a year or so I finally found a psychiatrist that I felt okay with. These two years are the longest I've stayed on medications at one time. I've also managed to stay clean and sober for two years as well. If I can manage to continue therapy, continue medication, and continue my 12 step group I have a good chance of being okay. Take away one of those things and I'm off the rails again.

 

[mamachick]

I think there are many reasons why people do not seek help for any mental illness.
Some are still involved in the family where their symptoms and behaviors are within the norm of their constucts (family and friends-emotional support system). It is what they know and they are in denial. Others know that doing something differently will cause a shift in thinking and they may be rejected also.
Others fear sharing what is really going on with them, the stigma, being judged.
Some feel helpless and that they will never gain control over their world no matter what they do-it won't make a difference.
Some fear the mental health profession and say its nonsense-also in denial.
Some have such a loyalty to the origins of their abuse, especially if it was their family. They don't want to speak badly about them.

When one begins seeking help and thinking changes, healthy behavior and norms are addressed, if the changes are showing up within their support system, others often challenge these changes and find it threatening. Just as an alcoholic begins recovery, it is no longer healthy and it becomes evident that it is impossible to be successful at recovery if they keep hanging out at bars or with drinking groups.

My mother was depressed and medicated with alcohol. She spent most of my childhood in bed. Yet when she got older and the dr suggested anti depressants, she feared becoming addicted to them. When she didnt drink, she began having panic attacks. Dr. prescribed her ativan (addictive) but she was much nicer than she was on booze. She may have had ptsd too but she avoided many things from childhood.

 

[joeylittle]

With depression, I really didn't have a choice; I just completely lost it and was scared of myself for the first time in my life. But I lived with it for over 20 years before that happened.

With my trauma, I did not intend to ever unpack it. Ever. But instead of easily being able to lie (such a common intake question - "have you ever experienced rape?") and always just say nothing had ever happened, I opened my mouth in therapy and said "I was raped". Then I tried to pretend I was absolutely OK about it...until I just couldn't. It's funny though, I don't know exactly why.

As to why I didn't get help for years and years and years before that - I guess I'd say that I thought I was coping. Looking back, I can see that I actually wasn't coping - but I believed that I was. And I was so terrified of opening up the box - afraid I'd be committed, afraid I'd be found by them (threats that are decades old can still hold power), afraid I was crazy.

I think it catches up with everyone at one point or another. Then, somehow, some of us get afraid enough or frustrated enough or determined enough to get help. And some of us don't.

It's a really fascinating question.

 

[ghotiff]

I was so terrified of opening up the box - afraid I'd be committed,

Me too!

My kids getting a bit older, and my life being quite stable made the timing right.

 

[Notsowild]

I'm not too sure what my daughter has. Maybe BPD or Bi-polar could even be PTSD. But she doesn't think there is anything is wrong with her. That's our dilemma how to get her to understand she needs help.

I have been in some sort of therapy most of my life. It's the latest trauma that really scared me to seek better therapy.