Wife's Ptsd

[FishNH]

Hey everyone, without going into too much detail about my wife's trauma, how can i show support to her? Marriage is on an icy slope right now and i love her with all my heart. I want to show her I do love her and want to know/learn about her. To add to the situation, I have my own PTSD from combat and our son is a medically complex little guy. Very big stressors.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi @FishNH
If she did not have PTSD, you did not have PTSD and your little one was just fine - how would you show her you love her?

 

[NewHampshirite]

Hey everyone, without going into too much detail about my wife's trauma, how can i show support to her?.

I think patience goes a long way. How do you like people to show you support? Listening to her, talking to her could be helpful. I have a boyfriend who's also a Vet like me (and you) and while my PTSD is not service related, I feel that it can be just as debilitating. Whenever I express how I feel all I get is "That sucks" or "it will pass". That type of response just sends me over the edge and makes me feel even more alone. I want someone to actually ask how I am feeling, listen and respond with empathy. The indifference kills me. Maybe that can help your wife too.

 

[FishNH]

Ill be honest, since I got back from deployment, ive pushed her away, not meaning to. I've been trying to find and fix myself, seeing friends killed is very hard. And I forgot about her. And after our son, we really forgot about eachother. We bought a house and growing up my father told me a mans job is to provide for his family. Working 70+hrs a week then classes 4 nights a week...I messed up. I feel like worlds worst husband. Im trying to.play catch up now and I hope im not too late.

 

[Lucycat]

Have you told her all this? Does she know that you feel like you have let her down, that you messed up? Maybe some open and honest communication is in order. It sounds as if your father has put a lot of pressure on you with his words of years ago. I don't believe it is a man's job - I believe it a couple's job to work together in whatever way suits them both for the better good of the family.

 

[FishNH]

Yes she knows. Im hoping she will be up for couples counseling but im not holding my breath either. Yes my father absolutely did. I showed my love to her by working. And i also used it to run from my past and hurt. My love got lost in translation. I have made great leaps in the therapy program im in. Trying to show her that I have changed and continuing to for the better. Just very lost without her...

 

[NovaTex]

Couple's counseling sounds like a great idea. Any chance you can slow down? 60 hours a week instead of 70? 3 classes instead of 4? I wonder if scheduling more family time and dare time could bring you two closer and then the supportive side could show up naturally . . .

 

[FishNH]

Yeah I do want to, that was over the winter as im a heating technician and also delivered heating oil so there was lots to.do. but I see where I went wrong and i hope we can. just like the army, I wont volunteer again!!! Lol

 

[NovaTex]

Haha, yeah jobs always want more, more, more and it can be hard to set boundaries

 

[Humphrey]

If she did not have PTSD, you did not have PTSD and your little one was just fine - how would you show her you love her?

Awesome statement/ suggestion.

It is the only answer I came up with myself so far.

When I treat all people well,my kids mom is treated well!

Just a little different and more often with her !

I am a newby to this topic,disorder ,and my expression of how I ,ME, I feel/cope/respond to her.
Which can escalate or calm the moments that are stressful to her.

I have hope even in her darkest hours,now I can breathe without being baffled at reactions.

 

[Powder]

Do you think that work is a way to cope for you? I know that I have a work-a-holic "flight" tendency to cope, which then also keeps me in my head, safely disconnected from my heart.

Like you shared, when I finally climb back down, I've really got a lot of neglected emotional work to do. Balance. Nobody does it all perfect.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, baby steps.