Will He Come Back To Me

[Taylor87]

We have been together for more than two years, I love him so much and he just disappear a month ago. No contact no messages no nothing. I kept emailing him and texting him then I stopped. last time I talked to him, he was very depressed and hating himself. just two months ago said I'm everything in his life we were planning about our marriage and all ( I'm sure deep inside he still love me )now he left me for no reason he just disappeared.
I pray for him all the time
what should I do?
I read a lot about ptsd and I know many of those who suffer need space but sometimes I take it personal and cry so much when I'm by myself.
I'm worried if he come back and in the future then we get married and have kids he would leave us
he goes to doctor for treatment but its not improving
I'm new in this but I'm sure many have experience the same thing and they may be able to help me with advises.
thanks!

 

[Kintsugi]

I think that given your reaction to this (you sound quite devastated, which is understandable), it may not be in your best interest to wonder whether or not this man will return to you. If he does, in all liklihood, he will not be a severely changed man, and he will still struggle with symptoms that may cause him to run from commitment/abandon your relationship.

No one here can tell anyone if a loved one will return to them. I think the bigger question is, do you want to attach yourself to a relationship that seems to have come to and end and if resumed will probably have similar problems in the future? PTSD is chronic and life-long. The symptoms can be managed and may fade out for periods and erupt at others, but the condition will still be present.

You have been shut out. Whether he re-establishes contact or not, do you want to commit yourself to a situation where this may happen again? To a person who is at this place in their journey that they feel compelled to isolate from you?

This is not to say that he will have the same issue with relationships forever. But it is to say that there is no guarantee he will not.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

I'm in the same boat! 3+ years everything was going great! Mine went dark with all the stress from this past week-failed relationship with a close family member, veterans day, moving in 3 days, work, school, and the stress I added. I'm genuinely concerned for him bc he battles with depression and can be suicidal. I Rely heavily on my faith and can only pray he is ok. IF I don't hear from him mid week, then I'm considering contacting his family. Is that over stepping? Hope your situation improves. Take care of yourself. I'm here for you if you need to vent.xo

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sounds like he may not be ready for a relationship at this point, at least not marriage. Maybe the wedding planning pushed his stress limit to the max and he just shut down. Sometimes the shutdowns can go on for awhile, but that doesn't mean you need to accept it. I'm ignoring a lot of people right now because I'm in the midst of a shutdown of sorts, and I don't really care if those people hate me and never speak to me again. That's just where my head is at right now.....I'm not keeping people around who stress me on any level.

I don't know the extent of your wedding planning, but weddings are EXTREMELY stressful. I was the sister of the bride and my only requirements were to show up for 3 events and make wedding favors. The following month I had the worst physical shutdown of my entire life. I felt so horrible that I went to the doctor and they ran lots of tests on me but they all came back negative. I finally started to feel better, and realized it was all stress. I know its every woman's dream to have that perfect wedding, but if you end up reconnecting with him, you may want to consider something VERY low key. If I ever get married, the guy is going to have to agree to elope because I refuse to put myself through that x100 (because it will be my own wedding).

He may come back and he may not come back. If he does, I suggest taking things quite slow with him and putting off the wedding for awhile. I'd hate to see you wait for him because I've seen some supporters wait 6 months, even a year or more thinking that their sufferer is coming back. I think that these supporters want to blame it 100% on PTSD and think that their sufferer will one day "snap out of it", realize the mistake they've made, and come running back. The truth is that this doesn't happen all that often. I know if I left someone out of the blue with no contact and more than a few weeks elapsed, I'd be WAY too ashamed to ever contact them again. I'd consider it to be over and move on.

 

[Taylor87]

@Losinghope11 Im so sorry to hear that i start giving up on our relationship I prefer to suffer now then suffer more later and im sure he would leave again because he done it before.
I was ready to fight the world for him but lately im the only one who give in this relationship I feel very weak now

 

[Taylor87]

@Solara I dont think the wedding we were planning for this like a year ago and he is the one who talk about it and mention it more than i do
but i have few question for you
when you love someone and need your space do you miss them after it and how long your space is
thanks a lot for your reply

 

[nursenurse]

Remember to look after you. Get out with your friends, even if you don't feel like it. Go away for a weekend with your best friend. Something, anything that puts you first. Whether or not he comes back no one can say for sure, but the most successful women in life that I have met do not let themselves become mired in their grief for someone who did not have the decency to tell them they needed space. Those women went about looking after themselves and became self assured and confident in themselves.

I would hold off on the wedding for a while if he does come back. Actually, I would tip my hat at him and bid him "Adios" but that is the me who refuses to put up with unexplained disappearing acts, lies and cheating. Having been through that wringer before.

If he has done this before, and you feel that he is not getting better, can you tolerate this for a lifetime? You need to be tough with yourself when answering these kinds of questions. You may feel weak, but knowing yourself and your own limits is the sign of someone strong. It is never wrong to opt out of a relationship when you realize that you are unhappy. And it seems to me at the moment that is what you are.

Good luck.

 

[Taylor87]

@nursenurse of course im unhappy now he was my first love and still. when you love someone and you see him that he is everything in your life then he leaves you with no reason no contact then you wish your death come before this day.
I still love him but this week i have decide to not give him the gun to shoot me again.
I wish they find a good treatment for ptsd that make them feel better.

 

[nursenurse]

I think we all wish the same thing.

 

[Deleted member 28360]

@Taylor87 i know that feeling of being emotionally exhausted. Your body being weak and losing interest. Don't forget about yourself in the process. It's you time! It's ok, oddly enough I'm at peace inside. Revisiting activities that enjoy doing has helped a lot as well.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

When I am involved with someone, I usually only take a day to myself. Right now I'm in a rough spot so that's why I'm not really talking to many people, and when I do I just want to stop dealing with them altogether. Fall is quite rough for me, but admittedly this is the best fall I've had in years, even though I'm shut down. I'm a bit concerned that you two were together for so long and then he suddenly walks away and has been out of contact for a month. Has he ever done anything like this before?

I don't normally advise going to a sufferers house as this is quite often our safe place away from the world, but is that an option for you? It isn't fair to you to be left out in the cold like this with no word. I hate to say it like this, but do you know that he's still alive? Do you know he's not incarcerated or hospitalized? (People don't memorize numbers so much anymore, so without a cell phone, I wouldn't know anyone's number outside my immediate family, so I say this with the point that if he doesn't have his cell, he may not know how to contact you.) I just want to make sure you've covered your bases here as I'm not sure of your entire story.

 

[Taylor87]

@Solara yeah he did this before unfortunately. Im thinking he is in clinic for emergency treatment because he tried to kill himself before but i always wonder how long this may take now he is too far from me.