Will I Rise Above The Flood?

[alittlelostatsea]

Here's my trauma diary. That seems like a good first sentence right?

Someday maybe I will go through all of what my T thinks has happened to me, but today is definitely not that day.

Currently I am emotionally dead and trying to figure out how to handle this phenomenon that I am learning is an emotional flashback. It starts with an overreaction to some simple event like my boyfriend telling me he is getting beers with friends, but doesn't invite me. Then I feel sick to my stomach worried he's leaving me- that he's cheating on me. I get terrified that those close to me will abandon me because of past traumas. My T says that fear is the 13 year old me that lost her dad suddenly and was emotionally abandoned by her friends and family shortly after. Its nice to know where its from, but it doesn't help me have people understand my behaviors any better.

I really don't know what to do about it. Wait until I find people that totally get it? Or should I just be happy with someone that sticks around through all this shit?

How can I stop having such an insane sense of guilt after I have flashbacks?

Ugh

 

[iPaul]

If anyone abandons you for past traumas, they were never really your friend. My ptsd makes me worry always, for absolutely nothing. I also lost my dad (divorce) and my friends, cousins, dog all at once, when I was 10. Shortly after my mom betrayed me, leaving me fairly lonely. I feel your pain.