Should I take more risk when I feel scared?

[maybeiamabear]

So, this girl I really liked asked me yesterday to join for trip. I feel excited and overwhelmed. What if I start getting CPTSD related emotional flashbacks again - what will I do then? These flashbacks make me feel very abandoned and needy too and I feel I need someone to take care of me in these moments. And what if no one is there to be there for me? What will I do then? While the idea that a friend has invited me feels very nice but if I am not valued or there are any minor triggers also I will feel so traumatized - and I don't know how I will emotionally regulate myself then. Will my illness (CPTSD) continue to make me stay away from healthy relationships? What do I do?

I had an emotional flashback in January and it resulted in me telling Parita that we should stop talking because she does not feel sure about a future together. And then I got very very upset and abandonment got triggered and then I slowly felt emotionally regulated but she could not be there for me in these emotionally difficult moments. It was difficult for her to understand and difficult for me to even explain why I need certainity and she judged me for being needy and yeah.

 

[Friday]

Honestly, I’m very much flip a coin, on this one.

Sometimes my instincts are amazing, and sometimes they’re crap. Either way is making a decision. Which is a third variable. Where are your instincts & decision making history leading you?

 

[No More]

This is when I fact check. Is this a genuine fear, or is this a blown out of proportion ptsd fear. This to me, isn’t a rational fear that you can fact check. Like, dark alleyway late at night female, fact check tick, we go the long lit streetlight way around. Can you fact check this in the same way? Okay, say your friendship breaks down while you are out there, can you do XYZ steps, to see that the fear there is a ptsd fear, and not a rational fear of harm?

And if it’s not rational, then I say to myself, feel the fear and do it anyway. And I grit all my little chunks of back teeth together and I go out and get it done.