Will My Therapist Force Me To Go To Hospital?

[nimkekaa]

Where I live, getting admitted for suicide thoughts is actually not so easy. There are not very many open beds and if you are clear with the doctor about a safety plan (again where I live) then they usually want to work with you.

I have actually worked with children that I felt should be admitted and they were not. Doctors here seem to not want to admit by force without being sure they are truly at risk of harming themself or others and there are no other options for safety. So if a doctor says that someone needs to be admitted then usually they do. Bed shortages, here, make doctors work really hard to find other solutions before admitting someone against their will.

Is it possible that your fear is exagerated (which I think is common for ptsd) and that your therapist or the doctors in your area might be willing to work with you on other options? I'm not saying your wrong for feeling that way because that is exactly how I felt for years. I am just now, after 10 years with the same therapist, able to talk openly about my self injurious behaviours. I was sure that I would be admitted to the hospital or my children would be taken away from me when they were little.

I am a little concerned, as LhasaLover said, that you might accidentally die during one of your tests.

Well, technically I don't have to tell my therapist, but I would feel really depressed if I can't tell her. I've been feeling rather sick and vulnerable after the pseudo-overdose and want somebody to listen to me (no friends in real life). I really like and trust my therapist..

It sounds to me like you already know what you want to do. I'm glad that I can talk openly about these things with my therapist but I understand why it is not the best thing for everyone.

Let us know what you decide. Hugs to you if you need them.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maelstrom, I agree with what the others said above.

Something occurred to me, that I hope might help.

Thirty years ago I had 2 attempts, but just a short while back I found out that the last one is known to cause death even a month later. So it might help if you need to to get checked out, though I know that might feel ironic (though you've said it wasn't intentional), and leaves the conundrum of how do you explain why you are at the Dr's. If necessary, better they still do blood work or other tests if necessary even if you're unable to say the real reason of what's occurred.

Sometimes I find myself doing very dangerous (for myself) things without really 'intending' to.

What I was going to say, was had to go through a bunch of paperwork yesterday, made me feel badly and brought up lots of painful memories including triggers galore, but I also found a Crisis Plan I made ages ago, and it even had written down some things I wanted to keep I thought were lost! Anyway, I wasn't a believer in making one, but was desperate and did try to (*in advance when you can think more clearly or aren't at your worst is important*). Now I see things a little differently: making one, telling someone or talking about it (even if it's just one person or your T), is more 'sane' or healthy than not.

In that regard, I don't think your T would do such a thing as force you to go, if you did choose to speak to him or her about it. Because that's a sign you are less likely to do it. We hide it when we want it to be 'successful' (poor choice of word, I realize and apologize for).

Oh, and I think if you are afraid as you said they'd worry, then promise them you won't. That's what I did, not only because I didn't want to be thought of in those terms (that too) but most of all because I thought that was a horrible burden to put on someone, even if it was just a transitory thought. Mind you, that's why I never said anything before, either. Anyway, well, it sure alerts yourself (or did myself), to becoming aware of how actually 'intent' I was, because then I had to admit (and break) my own promise, or admit I was if I followed through.

It will get better. :hug: , if you accept them. Thanks for being brave to post about such things.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Long thread, did not read it all.

I think you're in full denial. Five pills may not kill the average person but how do you know you don't have a rare heart disorder that kicks into gear after you take a few too many pills and end up in cardiac arrest. You don't. You're harming yourself so don't sugar coat it by saying you aren't trying to kill yourself.

Long/short, you're engaging in parasiuicidal behavior, similar to cutting.

I can tell you've never been in the hospital. They won't take away your rights because of your scars. They take them away from everyone simply because that's what happens in a hospital. It ensures the safety of everyone.

Have you ever considered getting help....I mean REAL intensive help for your self harm? It's obvious that once a week talk therapy isn't helping you as you still hurt yourself. Going to the S.A.F.E. program changed my life. Maybe such a program could help you.

 

[Abstract]

It sounds like you have a great relationship with your therapist. I hope you can trust in that the most. Your t knows you and your situation and will know if it is better for you to be in hospital or not. Sometimes we are not the best to judge these things.

In many ways there is no difference in actuality between what are seeing as real suicidal behaviour and what you are doing, as this is a form of russian roulette. This is something that you need to deal with and that your T needs to know about. It is also something that could escalate.

I somehow doubt that you will end up in hospital from this - it is usually pretty difficult for that to happen. But remember hospital is not a punishment and is about helping you to be well.

I am calm and fully functional in real life.

I really think you need to look at this though. Calm fully functional people do not take terrible risks like that that could seriously harm them. I know how hard it is to be in denial. I am constantly there but you deserve much more than this. Appearing to be OK to the outside world is not indicative of how we really are.

How we appear isn't important. How we are and getting help for that is what is . You deserve help and healing.

 

[maelstrom]

Thank you so much for your responses--I'm really grateful for all of you here! It's been a tough few days and actually now I'm not dreading seeing my therapist so much anymore.. I'm still scared of the possible consequences of telling her, but I simply have to tell--it's too great a burden. I did some serious thinking and realized that many of you are right--I am in denial...For a while I wasn't sure why I was terrified after this episode--after all, the physical harm may be minimal. But then I realized, with horror, that I actually made a step toward real suicide. I'm terrified by how easy it suddenly becomes...Before, it was a matter of life and death. Now, it's a matter of the number of pills. This is a very scary realization--it's like I've crossed over the bridge. I feel very lonely, like I'm suddenly in no man's land. (Isaley you are so right about this.) Well let me take this opportunity to warn anybody who may also have thoughts about harming themselves--please tell somebody before you do it, and please don't do it. Once you've crossed over, it's hard to go back to where you were.

However, please don't worry about me--I won't do it again and I really don't want to die. I still don't think I should be hospitalized because harming myself again is the last thing I want to do right now--I'm probably safer at this moment than any moment in my life. I can't promise about the future, but that is not something that a few days in the hospital can prevent. But I guess I'll tell my therapist, if not everything then at least what I did. Maybe she won't overreact, or maybe she will. Maybe things will turn out fine or maybe she'll freak out and put me through a terrible experience. But I guess I have no choice but to take the risk. Again thank you so much for listening, and please don't be too concerned. I've learned my lesson!

 

[nursenurse]

Therapists aren't supposed to freak out. It is your perception if they do, because for you, it was no big deal. For her who is trained in such matters, and me, as a health care professional, it is. So if we tell you no ifs, ands, or buts, you are doing something bad, then we are freaking out. But we aren't. We are doing our job.

I am not so sure about you having learned your lesson. I "guess" I'll tell my therapist? "If not everything?" You want help or you don't. I can't diagnose, nor would I want to speculate in spite of my moniker. But I suspect that you are seeking attention instead of help. And you will lose with that approach. Quit playing games with yourself and become the person you are meant to be, full of hopes and fears, just like the rest of us. You are human, you are entitled to things gone wrong, but you are not entitled to absolution of your responsibility in fixing them. That means full disclosure. Full responsibility.

 

[maelstrom]

nursenurse, I know you are trying to help me and I really appreciate it, but please don't say that I'm seeking attention or that I'm playing games with myself. Whenever I hear these words I can't help crying, even though I know you probably don't mean it...It's just what we hear all the time, and it hurts so much because it is a struggle of life and death for us and we are all trying our best already--why wouldn't we try our best if we could?

Who wants to live in this hell? I completely understand where you are coming from and I know this may sound frustrating to an outsider, but believe me I'm already trying my best. There are many complications that I didn't mention because this is a public forum, but trust me I'm not trying to run away from responsibility.

I'm only posting here because I'm scared and lonely, and I feel very vulnerable, so please forgive me for being so sensitive. I'm really not trying to seek attention...whose attention anyway? Nobody in my life knows about this, and people here don't know me. Maybe I'm not seeking help either. I just wanted some comfort, that's all. And maybe to share this with people with similar experience. Sorry for overreacting...

 

[Abstract]

I certainly know that self harm has not been about attention seeking for me. I think it is often misunderstood aspect of this and I believe it causes much harm and much distress.

And if someone is wanting help and trying to express that consciously or unconsciously then although it is not the best way I think there is no shame in that. Wanting help when we are in pain is good. Asking for it very good. Learning what we need and how to ask verbally is important. A lot of us don't even know what is happening internally. Shaming us certainly achieves nothing.

All of us need help when we are self harming in any way.

I do however agree with Nursenurse that you need to tell it all to your therapist, maelstrom. I hope you can do that. You deserve help with this.

 

[nursenurse]

I certainly did not mean to cause any shame or grief. And I am sorry I hurt you, that is certainly not what I intended. It takes a certain kind of courage to put your life up for all to see, then to endure some comments such as mine that come out as criticisms must be extremely hurtful. I certainly do not mean them that way, and again my most humble apologies.

You are courageous for taking these steps, and I commend you for them.
Just seek some guidance, that's all, Maelstrom, you can't do this stuff alone for sure. Get the help you need. You are worthy of so much more in life, I just wish somehow I could get you to see that (of course, my poorly chosen words won't help :( ). You deserve comfort, hugs, and much more. There is great support here for you, I promise.

 

[maelstrom]

Hi nursenurse, please don't worry about it, you are right in many ways and I was really overreacting a little bit--the words were like a trigger so I wasn't even paying attention to what else you were saying, though clearly you meant the best for me. Sorry about that! I think oversensitivity is something that really bothers some of us here, which is not good. I'll try to be more rational in the future. And again thank you and everyone else for supporting me! :hug:

 

[Pencil]

People who do make a real suicide attempt but end up in hospital are treated very harshly, and so I think Nursenurse's reaction might be seen as part of the 'trial run', or 'dress rehearsal'.

 

[nursenurse]

Steps off of and burns her soapbox :)