Woke Up Petrified... Literally

[shimmerz]

@tired of the fight. I am so sorry you are going through this. I swear I couldn't get more than an hour or two sleep at a time and I was petrified to sleep at all because I knew what was coming if I did. I couldn't figure out when I woke whether my dreams were true or not. I would hear the garage door open and not know whether it happened or if it was the dream. Is there anything that you think might help you? Any intuition about it? I know I took an ativan in the evening and it helped some. It at least helped with the exhaustion and that in and of itself needs to be attended to ASAP in order to allow you to ground properly. Working on this stuff is really hard when you can't think straight due to lack of sleep.

 

[tired of the fight]

@shimmerz

I think my kids sleeping in my room is a tough situation. They to had trauma and they need to be close to me. I do take naps during the day if I can. I lay down and work on relaxing techniques and at times I doze off and rest other time I doze off and jump up. During the night when I have bad dreams, I wake and look around to see where I am. I think the reason bedtime is so scary is because that is when most of the bad things happened. Still sleeping with the bathroom light on in case. I do sleep, but it's not a good solid sleep. My mind races. I've taken to reading some scriptures and repeating them over and over in my head. Afraid of afraid of not sleeping. Anxiety goes up around bedtime. Sometimes it's not as bad, like when my dad stay's the night. I don't know if i'm making any sense. Today is not a good day. My mind is all over the place.

 

[tired of the fight]

I think i'm not going to post for a bit until I can get my words to come out right. I'm down on me for being like this and I have some serious work to do in so many area's. I got knocked off key about a year ago and have to catch my balance again , taking it 1 thing at a time. :(

 

[shimmerz]

@tired of the fight - self doubt comes hand in hand with this stuff. By all means take time but please don't feel like you are not making sense. I followed everything you said. I think that you are making more sense than you think. ;) It is wonderful that you can find comfort in people being around when you sleep. That gives you the 'opposite' feeling - the one that you are aiming for. A sense of safety and security. It may not be as strong as you like yet - but it is there. Love your idea of reading what makes you calm - scriptures - and I used to read with lights on too! All of them! Now I am using a nightlight. I tell you though, at night, as soon as it gets dark I am immediately affected, with my breathing interrupted (you can hear it change), and an overall disoriented feeling. Baby steps.....it will get better the more you attach to the sense of security that you are building right now. :)[DOUBLEPOST=1405423522,1405423380][/DOUBLEPOST]@Smile how are your dreams now?

 

[Smile]

@shimmerz, thanks for asking! Dreams are not being remembered now... I don't love that but definitely appreciating that it improves my sleep :) Sleep is very disturbed... Constantly waking up, hearing noises, noticing shadows but usually able to fall back asleep. Still waking up in the "petrified" state a lot but... I suppose there's some positive there :)

I actually have this strange issue now. I have a walk-in closet that faces the side of my bed that I usually wake up on. At first the door was always open and any time my eyes would open they would go straight to the closet, looking to see if there was anyone lurking in there. I finally closed the door but that seemed to scare me more because than I had no way of knowing if someone was in there! So the door is back open now

 

[shimmerz]

Interesting @Smile. I used to have this issue as a child. This is before I knew my history. I had a door to the closet at the end of the bed and it had my grandfather's hat and cane on it. I used to wake up terrified and not able to move as somehow each night I 'forgot' that these things were there and I swore it was a person. When I got older I moved my room around so that I could leave the door open but not see what was inside of it. Hmmmm, that just gave me a lightbulb moment. Thank you! So for me, I realize that the closet door needs to be beside me, not in my direct line of sight. Oh, and btw, I always sleep with my back to it so I don't wake up with the contents taking me by surprise!

I am glad to hear that you are getting some sleep. When the time comes you will remember dreams again, but for now - maybe give yourself a well deserved break. This stuff will come as it comes. There is no hurrying it I am afraid without collateral damage being done so take it easy on yourself willya? :)

 

[tired of the fight]

@shimmerz

I'm happy to hear that I am making sense. The mind can get so jumbled at times, it's hard to find the words. I still need work on the fear of bedtime, I try to ignore it, but I get very anxious and restless, more or less on how well I can self talk. The dreams can be bothersome too, can't alway remember them, but when I can. Oh boy. Maybe my room now being just like it was at the house of terror is the same. Bathroom on the left and bedroom door in front of me. That just hit me. Possibly changing the bed around might help me too!!!

 

[shimmerz]

@tired of the fight . Isn't it great when we find pieces? I love that. Good luck and know that you are not alone.

 

[Smile]

Hmmmm, that just gave me a lightbulb moment. Thank you!

Anytime :)

oh, and btw, I always sleep with my back to it so I don't wake up with the contents taking me by surprise!

Funny cuz I wake up facing it... I think so that I can instantly know whether I need to defend myself or not

There is no hurrying it I am afraid without collateral damage being done so take it easy on yourself willya? :)

Hah! You just hit on one the BIG things I'm trying to change now... Who knew you could live your whole life working yourself so hard and not even realize it

 

[shimmerz]

Smiling at you @Smile. You made me giggle. ;)