Women, Have You Ever Been With A Married/taken Man?

[Dinar]

How was it?

I like one guy, so much, but he is already taken and I don't think he will leave his gf (he also has a child with her), but I like him and he likes me too :( what can I do? Do I accept being with him?? I'm confused!

 

[Lelasit]

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you know how it would go. Having feelings for someone is one thing, but acting on them when they're never going to end in any other way than you alone is a kind of self destructive behavior. It's also destructive to those who are innocent and will be effected. Let me ask you this(and I know it's harsh and I'm very sorry) but if you like him as much as you say, why wouldn't you want to protect him and everything important in his life instead of risking it for your own gain?

I've been attracted to a taken man before and it hurt so much to want him as badly as I did. What kept me from saying or doing anything was the simple fact that doing so would open him up to possible censure from his peers, and the possible strife or loss of his family. If you care about someone you don't hurt them. You do what is right to honor that affection. I'm sorry you're in this situation, I know how badly it hurts. But giving in will only hurt worse and end with you hating yourself. The best case scenario you're hoping for has next to no chance of happening.

 

[Gico]

Yer... male or female taken, is just asking for a whole lot of bad repercussions. Women thinking men are going to leave their partner for them, or vice versa, and just want a fling on the side. Then even if you do get together, who says they won't be doing it to you in the near future?

People seem to think they're the exception versus the rule. The exceptions to such situations and living happily ever after are rare for good reason.

 

[Orag]

It will never end positively and only end up ruining many peoples lives: the spouse, children, inlaws, parents, friends of the family. Please don't wreak havoc and damage and turmoil on all these innocent people. When we sin, it not only hurts us, but those who love us, and causes irreparable damage to everyone that they never recover from. Why would you want to be responsible for so much pain and damage? God gives us rules to protect us and keep us safe, not to punish us. Please pray and ask God what is the right thing to do here. Praying for you.

 

[Jesifi]

I was completely in love with someone who was taken, so I get why it is so tough for you and I am so sorry you are going through this. I realized at some point that I was always going to be second. They have a choice, out taken people. If they really wanted to make it happen, they would find a way (especially if they are not actually married) or at least try. I realized I deserved better than second and as hard as it was, I pulled myself away. I back-slid a couple times, even tried to convince myself that maybe I was ok with it. At the end of the day, if he really loves you, he'll find a way to make things work with you two and leave his girlfriend.

 

[Ifu]

It will only cause you pain Dinar.

 

[Agiwo]

It was vile. It made me feel sick with myself and with him. It also reinforced the bad view I have of people in general that they are selfish.

It is not just men though, women do it as well.

 

[Deru]

I have been on both ends of this. My ex-husband left me for the "love of his life", his words. It lasted less than a year. By then it was too late for us to salvage our 20 year relationship. He has since remarried another woman and is cheating on his current wife.

After our separation I didn't even date until after I filed for divorce. I dated a couple of men and started to think it could go somewhere and then I found out they were already in serious relationships. One of them I knew he had children but he said his youngest was 3 (I assumed 3 years) and living with his mother in a city 800 miles away. He actually brought his 4 month old son on one of our dates a couple weeks later. It was our last date. I felt so guilty and sick. The next man I dated had been married but always referred to his wife as an ex-wife who lived on another continent. I didn't get too attached to this person and we broke up. He had immigrated to my country and as soon as he became a citizen a year later he brought his family over. I never wanted to cause as much pain to another person as I felt when it happened to me. Someone told the second one about me and she still tries to contact me using her husband's facebook and MSN whenever he goes missing for days on end and I haven't laid eyes on him in over 5 years.

 

[Maga]

Is it worth damaging that innocent child forever? Children never fully recover from such family trauma.

The idea that there is only one person in the world for us is not true. There are many out there.

I have been pursued by several married men. I always turned them down, and most went onto cheat with someone else.

If a person will cheaton a spouse, they are highly likely to do it again. To believe we can change that person into someone who would be faithful to us when they haven't yet shown they can be faithful is a very bad bet.

Even if you did manage to beat the odds and stay together, you'll have an innocent child out there burdened with negative feelings because of your behavior.

I never want to do that to a human being.

 

[Epet]

Why would you want to be with a guy who cheats on his girlfriend?

 

[Mojel]

Personally, I have been with both someone in an active relationship (for 9 months...9 long stupid months of waiting, crying and wondering) and someone who was married. I struggle with the act with the married person daily, I feel guilty and worthless. After the fact, I found out that his wife was pregnant during the time we were togther. It's an awful feeling.

The 9 months with the boyfriend with a girlfriend, what a waste of time. He promised me over and over that he was going to end the relationship with this girl. He practically lived with me and this poor girl had no idea. I finally ended this unhealthy rollercoaster of emotions and it was probably one of the best reliefs of my life.

My advice? Steer clear. If he's not willing to be exclusive to her, he won't be willing to be exclusive with you. You're worth more than that.

 

[Solon]

Thank you everyone! You are all right. Dinar here, no married/taken man. I decided not to see him anymore. The last time I called him and he didn't even answer and hung up the phone. I felt it was a slap on my face. I had never been treated like that and it's easy to get use to it. I didn't want that. I started to feel cheap and not worthy. Thanks God I didn't have sex with him or stayed with him a long time so it would have been more difficult. I am very clear that I don't want him, even though I want to stay strong the next time I see him. I haven't seen him in one week and he hasn't called. I hope he doesn't do it.

I feel much better now. Thank you all for your messages.