News Woody Allen Is Not A Monster. He Is A Person. Like My Father.

[Abstract]

That seems closer to what I thought. I am not sure that at home or elsewhere is that relevant to the type of motivation. I imagine it is more a case of there being different types of perpetrators acting in all environments. That an environment does not describe the pathology.

 

[ms spock]

Ps. Just read the last posts - it's possible I am not understanding the common abuser.

As you often do Abstract you nailed it. We didn't really define the common abuser.

I don't think in some cases that we are talking about the same thing. In other cases we actually agree but don't speak the same language. We also come for very different levels of working within and around the system. Some of us have read extensively about child sexual assault and the incestuous family dynamic. Some of us are coming from our own persona experience. Some of us come from a combination of a complex mixture of legal, social, welfare and psychological study.

And in some cases there is no option, like in my family. But there may be really good options of child protection in other cases.

There will be no one size fits all.

But all of us are brave for trying to flesh out something that the majority of people pretend is not happening despite it occurring in their own family etc.

 

[ms spock]

I believe this is what a peadophile is:
1) have repeated urges to be sexually involved with a child,
2) fantasize to the point that relationships with other adults are damaged or destroyed, and
3) be so obsessed that the person can't function well in society anymore.

If this was true they would be very easy to identify.

My father had many affairs with other women whilst he sexually abused us.

It isn't about sex, it is about power.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

LOL My comment wasn't directed @ Pencil. So how could I be attacking?

Go re-read your own post. You used "@" pencil then went on a rant. Then you stopped and used the "@" toward someone else. If you have issues with grammar and editing, don't blame other people for interpreting your posts as they do.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Why don't you say what's really on your mind Solara. You've repeatedly stated you will never be free of PTSD.

No, I have never said that. Please direct quote me of those EXACT words or else you are the one who is twisting my words.

You have black and white thinking. It's really sad that you can't see shades of grey. What I said was that PTSD is a lifelong struggle and as such I will ALWAYS need a higher level of self care. I will always have a lower stress threshold. I'm being realistic about my situation instead of expecting my farts to smell like roses one day. Don't you DARE tell me what my beliefs are. I have no idea what your trauma is, but mine was at such a young age that I can't realistically expect to be 110% free of the effects of trauma. EVER. At this very moment I don't think I can be DIAGNOSTICALLY labeled with PTSD but I know I will be dealing with the aftermath of trauma for life.

I don't give a damn about you or your attitude or your recovery. But, I can guarantee you that I am farther along in my recovery than you are. (Seriously!!) The symptoms that I'm mainly dealing with right now lie outside the scope of PTSD. But for whatever reason, you have such a view of things that you attack anyone who doesn't agree with you 1000%. Whatever.

 

[Nicolette]

Please keep this thread on topic or it will be closed as it is now becoming an argument of 'he said, she said' and then what 'he read and she read' and then the interpretation in between and nit picking that instead of asking questions if you don't understand. If a person misinterprets your post please clarify rather than start what is sadly becoming a spat.

 

[Pencil]

I think this thread illustrates some of the difficulties experienced in society when it comes to child sexual abuse.

In South Africa we have our 'own Woody Allen', in the case of Solly Ozrovech, who is a minister in the Dutch Reformed Church (which is the equivalent of the RCC in Italy, I guess). He grew up in an orphanage, where he later became House Father. He is a household name in SA, has written more than 100 religious books, had columns in magazines, blah blah. And now, after a highly successful life as a 'man of God' and a family man, at the age of 85, the shit hit the fan - one of the boys in the orphanage (now in his 60s) claims he was sodomized by Solly. A second man has come forward.

Link Removed

The Christian publisher / bookseller has now taken all his books of the shelves, although a spokesperson says they still 'believe in his innocence'. Okay, there are hundreds of angles from which one can approach this issue, but what I personally respond to is the 'double vision' that this issue causes. What makes this case more difficult than the Woody Allen case is the religious component in this one. If it is difficult to separate Allen the worm from Allen the cinematic genius, how much more to separate Solly the worm from Solly as someone with something valid to say about God. I don't even have an opinion on this. Are we supposed to have double vision or not? Meaning - are we supposed to be able to see the 14 yo worm as a kid with damage and a sliver of hope, or do we get rid of the double vision and put him in the incurable pedophile basket?

But yes, Survivor, this is the dilemma - trust no-one - and this is what makes it difficult for society, for we are in a way forced into permanent double vision - we NEVER know what the nice girl next door is capable of. And this brings us, once again to society. Is there not something radically wrong when no-one, including you, me, my daughter, have to be kept within the same double vision precaution? And can anyone live like this for extended periods of time? And isn't this why we resort to appearances or whatever it is we can observe without manic scrutiny 'Well, he didn't come across as a pedophile and therefore I allowed him to be alone with my daughter for about 10 minutes while I went up the stairs'. More importantly - as one of Solly's sons says: Neither Solly nor the two men can prove or disprove innocence or guilt. Now what is a society supposed to do? Unless he confesses, of course.

One of mine was the very popular and highly respected vice principal of my school.

 

[ms spock]

Here Warwick Middleton is asked questions about perpetrators. This might be helpful.

I appreciate the contributions of everyone to this thread. It has made me think a lot.

 

[ms spock]

@Pencil the Vice Principle was your abuser? I am not sure I am understanding.

 

[Pencil]

@Ms Spock: The Vice Principal, i.e. the Deputy Head

 

[Pencil]

Serendipity, coincidence or synchronicity: The following article was in my inbox after I posted about Solly Ozrovech. It is a fascinating review of a book about trust - and it's importance in life. (And, by implication, the negative effects of hypervigilance). I know the issue remains: Dare I, as a mother, ever be less than hypervigilant? Of course not, but hypervigilance and dissociation might be difficult to run simultaneously :rolleyes: - which is a problem most people with PTSD have. (I have finally realized that I am highly dissociative but never realized because it is almost my natural state). So what are the implications for living life?

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2014/02/03/david-desteno-truth-about-trust/

There are many questions and few answers, and these questions need not be so divisive.

 

[Pencil]

@Ms Spock: sorry, I think I misunderstood the part you misunderstood :x3:. Yes, abuser.