News Woody Allen Is Not A Monster. He Is A Person. Like My Father.

[Deleted member 1860]

Putting a human face on the inhumane behavior of sexual predators will solve/lower sexual crimes? Christ! That sounds like brainwashing 101. Nothankyou.

No, that's not the point. The point is that society only wants to believe that monsters look like monsters. The truth is that true evil can hide inside of sunshine and gumdrops. I know mine did.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

For the love of God people NEED to think before they speak.

I find this to be a bit rude and a bit attacking of pencil. From what I've read, I think that perhaps you could take some of your own "advice".

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I find this to be a bit rude and a bit attacking of pencil.

LOL My comment wasn't directed @ Pencil. So how could I be attacking?

No, that's not the point. The point is that society only wants to believe that monsters look like monsters.

Please go re read Ms. Spocks comment. That was her point..not mine.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

I think that perhaps you could take some of your own "advice".

Why don't you say what's really on your mind Solara. You've repeatedly stated you will never be free of PTSD. You defend your disorder. I've repeatedly stated I'm overcoming PTSD. You don't like my positive attitude and that's O.K. Feel free to continue to pick on my spelling etc and twist my words.....It's not going to affect my recovery.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock said: [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/goto/post?id=647717#post-647717"]↑[/DLMURL]
So how does treating them as dangerous and a detriment to society protect the children? All that means ~~~~~~TO YOU~~~~~ is people don't want to see a member of a family through that lens and go into denial thus enabling the child rapist to continue their behaviours.

Inserting words into my quote means I am not understanding what you are meaning. I don't think you are understanding what I am meaning either.

Now that we understand how you feel. Try exploring other possibilities to the same problem.

What is it that you think "we understand how you feel" - because I am feeling like I want all children to be protected from child sexual assault.

I don't think you know how I feel. I think we have similar ideas of wanting children to be protected from child rapists. I think that we have different approaches of seeing how that might happen.

Putting a human face on the inhumane behavior of sexual predators will solve/lower sexual crimes? Christ! That sounds like brainwashing 101. Nothankyou.

I am not saying we say oh these child rapists are okay and so we don't take action. I am saying society as a whole refuses to acknowledge most sexual predators as sexual predators and thus the sexual abuse continues unchecked. If we monitor an educate then we can actively protect rather than it continuing to go on because people are in denial that there are people who sexually abuse in their families and friendship networks.

One of the many reasons sexual predators are successful is due to the fact society as a whole denies/ignores the problem.

I totally agree with that. That is the whole basis of my suggestions is to break down that denial and get people to acknowledge the child rapists in their midst, in order to prevent sexual abuse of children.

I am suggesting other ways and asking for input of breaking down that community denial, which ignores the child rapists, in my family and in many other families.

If you read back through my posts when you are focused and calm you might see I am advocating a different approach to monitoring child rapists and to ongoing education in the families, friendship networks and communities.

I am not saying we be lovey dovey and have compassion for them as human beings. I am say see them for what they are and act according with firm boundaries, monitoring, education, assessment and getting people to sit through 5/6 court cases of child rapists going through the court system so people can see and understand that the child rapists are incredibly manipulative and always have a poor me excuse.

 

[ms spock]

@Pencil.

"The point is to suspect anyone and everyone around you."

You don't understand that comes naturally with me and many many others?!

And you seem to think that you are the only what that that comes naturally to? That has always come naturally to me even as a small child. I would say there is unlikely to be a person in this thread that doesn't have this awareness.

The person who gave birth to me tried to put a "human face" on my older brothers abuser.

And that is disgusting and unforgiveable. But I am talking about something different to the persons who gave birth to you. The person that gave birth to me tried the same old enabler line as well.

He's a good man...he did a bad thing..blah blah blah. GUESS WHAT? It pissed him off and he took his rage out on me. Granted my brothers an idiot. Regardless it's a dangerous mindset. Do you understand?

I think at the basis we have very similar opinions, just we have very different approaches.

The dangerous mindset is when people focus on someone being a good man to the exclusion of accepting that they are a child rapist and thus refuses to act proactively to stop that child rapist from sexually abusing their own or other people's children.

I am not saying he is a good man and we let him off. Instead it is oh he might be a good man in some ways, no denying that, but the fact he IS a sexual predator and child rapist who needs constant assessment, monitoring and supervision around children. And then people are trained in protective behaviours and signs of what is seen when a child is being sexually abused. I might have been sexually abused for 4 years in this case instead of 15 if people around me could identify those behaviours.

There wouldn't be a one size fits all management of child rapists. There would need to be a detailed, specific set of conditions and education provided from family to family.

Lost Pup said: [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/goto/post?id=647799#post-647799"]↑[/DLMURL]

I may be in the minority here, but I think there is a lot of sexual abuse in homes committed by people who do not fully qualify for the classic clinical picture of a pedophile (ie not a serial offender but someone who, for example, takes out their rage against their spouse on a child.) And I tend to think that the classic clinical picture of such a perp is really based more on the idea that their pedophilia is a sexual compulsion, rather than a form of evil, interpersonal violence. Clearly, both exist. I think problem is very, very big.

Thank you

Thank you Lost Pup! My grandfather was a power rapist. I wasn't groomed so to speak. A pedophile wants your participation and a power rapist demands it.

So you had similar violent sexual assaults to me and different to me in terms of grooming.

I think we both want what is best in prevention of further child rapist access to children.

I feel the emotion in your posts and I hope you really take good care of yourself. I admire someone who is so passionate about child rapists and child sexual assaults. There needs to be many more of us.

I would suggest not attacking people personally. I would also suggest reading to see if someone is basically agreeing with your assessment but has different ideas about managing stuff.

If you actually address the post that is before you, instead of reacting to the post (And I do this too.) may facilitate better understanding or an ability to agree to disagree about how to manage child rapists whilst agreeing society really sucks at dealing with child rapists at all.

I don't know where you are in your healing process, but you are obviously very brave and also quite resourceful and resilient in surviving what you have survived.

 

[ms spock]

I may be in the minority here, but I think there is a lot of sexual abuse in homes committed by people who do not fully qualify for the classic clinical picture of a pedophile (ie not a serial offender but someone who, for example, takes out their rage against their spouse on a child.) And I tend to think that the classic clinical picture of such a perp is really based more on the idea that their pedophilia is a sexual compulsion, rather than a form of evil, interpersonal violence. Clearly, both exist. I think the problem is very, very big.

Clearly all types of sexual abuse needs to be taken into account.

The stranger child rapist does exist but is not as numerous as fathers and mothers that sexually abuse their own children.

I don't know where you are finding the classic clinical picture of child rapists being a sexual compulsion. That is more of a legal defense argument. I think if you read the literature on incestuous family dynamics, talk to incest survivor activists, rape crisis workers, work at rape crisis, work and talk with sexual assault workers, child sexual assault workers, well educated psychologists and psychiatrists I think you will find that they see it as occurring at the site of the family of origin. Warwick Middleton writes extensively on this.

There is a lot of literature out there and it is good to read it.

In the literature it is commonly acknowledged that the spouse taking out their rage against their spouse on the child is known to be quite common. In fact it is interesting what the theory of the non offending parent's role is regards to the offending parent's role. My mother was there. She looked the other way. She stood outside the door whilst it was happening telling the other child that 'X is fine.'

 

[Lost Pup]

You are totally correct. I mis-spoke as I was clearly thinking more of the *popular* media-driven picture and not the clinical one.Thanks, vulcan lady.

 

[Abstract]

I haven't kept up with the conversation any more I am afraid but I did want to add something.

Firstly I do truly think abusers are not all the same. That they differ widely. I don't mean stranger of family member and rather mean the type and level of dysfunction. The "mild" end if the spectrum is going to react quite differently to the severe end and what we can do is going to vary. Also, as others have mentioned, only a smaller percentage of those that abuse children are paedophiles. Troubled and acting out individuals, sadistic opportunists and general sexual predators make up most of the rest if I am not mistaken. I believe over 90 % are from someone the child knows such as a family member.

Secondly I am not talking about personal feelings about my traumas and my reactions to others on here discussing theirs, but as a concept I actually do have compassion for perpetrators. I can see the many things that could make them how they are. Biology, lack of nurture, personal life views and perceptions, empathy deficits, impulse problems, abuse etc. Like an unhappy Russian roulette of various things that happens to produce someone who is able to do significant harm to others.

I have compassion for that and I am very grateful that I am not like that. I can imagine a little how dark and barren life must be in that place. If I was a therapist I would probably even be able to treat someone like this.

Separate to that is what I think will work when dealing with the situation. Being realistic about how dangerous someone is and what is likely to need to be done to safeguard children is about what I think will work and nothing else.

Ps. Just read the last posts - it's possible I am not understanding the common abuser.

 

[ms spock]

@Lost Pup You are most welcome. The more we tease it all the more we understand what each other means and we get to think more deeply about the prevention of child rapists in our communities getting access so as to sexually abuse the children of our families.

 

[Abstract]

It is a long time since I looked up research on this stuff but from what I remember a paedophile is someone who can only really have sexual feelings for a child. I had thought that the popular idea is that all those who abuse children are paedophiles whereas the facts are that most of those who abuse children still have ongoing relationships with adults, fairly often are also rapists and very often have abused and targeted others outside the home as well as their own close family members. I also seem to remember that a large percentage are involved in child porn etc.

I am also not sure I understand how someone abusing in the home means that they do not have a sexual compulsion. Maybe I am misunderstanding.

I believe this is what a peadophile is:
1) have repeated urges to be sexually involved with a child,
2) fantasize to the point that relationships with other adults are damaged or destroyed, and
3) be so obsessed that the person can't function well in society anymore.

I tried to research now but my brain can't do it! I should be doing work on my recovery rather than getting caught up in debate! As valuable as the debate may be.

 

[Lost Pup]

I think the difference is that some abusers are primarily expressing rage and power and perverted "sexuality" is only the means by which they do so. Not that this, in any way, neatly maps onto any sort of home/not-home dichotomy.