The desperate wanting to work in that area might be trying to work through your own unresolved trauma, and gain mastery over it, by continuing to work in the same area of practice. It could be a type of trauma re-enactment compulsion, in addition to a healthy drive and passion.
If you are aware of it, and how it could impact the work you do, and you have people you trust able be a check and balance to things getting out of hand (like getting super destabilized), then it might be ok, even really good and helpful in the long run for yourself and others. It could be incredibly healing to make a difference in such a place for yourself and others. It might also not be possible to work in that area long term, and there may be other ways you can make a difference in the same field that better maximize on your skill sets without having to spend so much time fighting what’s dragging you down.
Let’s imagine a rape trauma survivor who become an attorney to help represent victims, but gets super triggered by the injustice in the system when representing rape victims, and instead goes into teaching law and writing books or using their abilities to help raise funds for those that can provide direct represention. They could have limped along directly representing victims, but been actually quite held back on the overall difference they could make and been a miserable triggered mess... but when they stepped back and went a different route, they actually could make a bigger difference systemically because in a less triggering environment more of their efforts and skills can be poured into the cause. (This is a mostly hypoethical example, but I personally know someone who followed a path somewhat like this.)
Some of the best folks I have run into have been wounded healers of sorts, where they undertake an issue and can help others with it because they have been there too. A common example: addiction counselors have often been addicts themselves. They can speak into addiction at a different level. The best cancer doctors have often been oncology patients themselves.
My own therapist had to switch types of practice because one type was too much.
Sometimes people have to leave an environment to process the past trauma, and then go back when they are ready. Sometimes trauma from the past can’t be worked through if it’s still a risk because someone is still in the traumatic environment.
For now, becoming so destabilized just to work in that area may be setting you back from reaching that point where you can do that type of work.
But it could be possible you are able to work in that practice someday, or otherwise make a huge difference in another way.
