Worried About Therapist's Own Problems

[Can79]

I've been in therapy for a few months now but am finding it hard to open up and trust my therapist enough to properly let go.

One of my worries is about what is going on in their personal life and I worry about if they are going through a really bad time, like major illness of a parent or child or a divorce or something and then I am coming into the therapy and talking about things they might think are insignificant in the scheme of things.

I have been in therapy before (a long time ago) and didn't really have this worry then, but I am seeing a therapist who works from their own home now (rather than a clinic or hospital) and I think this might partly be what has triggered the feeling. It's like I sometimes feel I am intruding in their home, and I wonder what is going on in the other rooms/ who lives there etc.

I think my major fear is that they might get angry with me one day if something is going on in their personal life which is upsetting them or something might happen in the house during my appointment and then I won't know how to react.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone else has felt the same and how you dealt with the feelings?

 

[digger]

Most therapists will be receiving supervision where they can offload any of their own problems/ issues either personal or with clients. Any decent therapist will ensure that they make this provision for themselves to prevent them getting overwhelmed or burning out. Maybe check with your therapist that this is something he/she does to reassure yourself..

 

[franciemarnie]

Ditto @digger1.

Also maybe bring up this issue where you might put other people's well being before yours. Growing up in an alcoholic home, I learned to do this by rote. It is good to be aware of if this is something you do with other people too. Constant care taking. This may not be you at all, but that's what your post brought to mind.

You are number one now.

 

[mytai]

@Can79, my T runs her practice out of her house too. She has an office set up in her basement, so her living space is completely separate from her practice. She actually told me why she runs her practice out of her house - it's quieter, and she can create a safer environment. I'm sure there were other reasons she told me, but those are the ones I remember.

If you are concerned with it, I would just ask your T why they chose to run their practice out of their house. You could also ask how they protect your privacy especially if there are others in the house. My T told me right away that there was no one else that lives in her house except her, and her cat. This relieved my anxiety about being overheard. She also was considerate and told me when her son was home around Christmas, that he was upstairs but assured me that he wouldn't be able to hear us and that he knew to be quiet.

I've found that my T is very open to me asking questions if I need to, but she is also very upfront with me. If you are concerned I would simply ask your T how the keep everything separate.

 

[Hashi]

The therapy relationship brings out things about ourselves and how we are in relation to other people generally. I would guess that this is what's happening here for you.

I think it does make a difference to see a therapist in their own home. What that difference is, depends on our own issues. Like many things about how we feel towards our therapists, it's like a mirror showing us aspects of ourselves.

For me, seeing my therapist in her home brought out a lot of envy. I tend to be jealous towards other people and this was something I needed to think about and work on. It wasn't really about my therapist's nice home, it was about my jealousy in general.

I can't help wondering if things like over-concern about other people, minimising the importance of your own issues, or fear of someone else getting angry or frustrated with you might be things that it would be good to work on generally.

At any rate, I'd definitely talk to your therapist about it.

 

[cherryblossom]

I totally agree with Digger. Therapists (certainly in the UK) undergo supervision, which is part of their support network. They become therapist knowing full well that what they hear from their clients might be upsetting, and they have provision in place to help them deal with both that, and any of their own issues. Their problems are really not yours to consider or dwell upon.

If a therapist acts badly towards you, because they are having a bad day, that is completely unprofessional - just as it would be in any other business. They have a job to do, and their welfare is not your concern.

 

[Can79]

Thank you all for your advice. I think this does perhaps stem from a fear of my therapist perhaps getting angry or annoyed with me for reasons out of my control (which does echo past experiences of mine in childhood). I will try and bring this up with my therapist at my next session.

I suppose it is just like any other profession - I wouldn't expect my medical doctor or dentist to treat me any differently because they were having problems in their home life. Maybe seeing my therapist in his home is making me think about his home life more than I ordinarily would have. He does have his office in a secluded part of his house and I never see anyone else when I visit for my sessions. I do hear people moving around (very quietly) occasionally so he can't live alone.