Other Just couple things - thoughts about therapy & triggers

[LucyLou]

I think this is going to be a long one because I already wanted to post earlier but didn't, for some reason

Going to be a couple of things to, so I'm not spamming

First thing I wanted to write up was how I just don't feel myself lately....I don't even know how to explain that properly. I had a heavy session with my therapist on Tues....so after that I cancelled all plans (was supposed to see my friend and had a music event booked for Tuesday night) instead, I stayed in bed until it was time to pick the kids up from school, Wed was the same, I dropped kids at school then stayed in bed all day....I did pop up to see my friend in the evening, because I felt bad (she's bed bound at the mo) I've been with her all day today, it felt like I had to get out of the house and just concentrate on someone/something else...then as soon as I got back, I just cried got myself together in time to pick little ones up and I've been alrite. Until tonight. I've been watching something with a friend. This series brought something up. It centres on a female police officer with a hidden past - turns out this officer was ab*sed and r*ped when she was 13 and has lived with that secret her whole life....and as it's something I've done myself (only my best friend knows about everything and I only told her last year) it made me wonder....how many adults have actually never told anyone what happened to them when they were younger or even what has happened later in life? This series got to me and that might sound odd, considering that I have wrote on here about how I search for triggering content to watch myself (I know, that sounds strange but I've had a long conversation with my therapist about that) it got to me more because it was expected, this wasn't something I chose to watch and I didn't know what was coming up....anyway, my friends comment mad me wonder what he'd say to me, if I ever told him anything (not that I ever would) but he said how she must of been f**ked up in the head. Is that how he'd think of me? I don't know if I'm just thinking too much on this. Like I said, it just got to me. Maybe I'm just being sensitive?

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:
Trigger warning removed - we don’t use them here (see the Community Constitution).

 

[Movingforward10]

he said how she must of been f**ked up in the head. Is that how he'd think of me? I

I think what he said could be taken two ways? One way, that it's blaming and derogatory. And the other, a sort of understanding that it would impact someone?
Maybe, if he knew it happened to you, it being someone he knows and cares about, he would be more careful about how he words things and would care that it happened to you? Idk.

wonder....how many adults have actually never told anyone what happened to them when they were younger or even what has happened later in life?

So many.
I never told anyone until I was 24. And then i told them once only and never again until I was in my 40s. And when I was 24 what I said was so incredibly vague (I had no idea I was being vague) that the two people never clocked it. Those two people being my best friend and my partner.
And I lived for a decade and a half thinking they knew. Never speaking about it again. And actually they didn't know! So it came as a shock when I started really speaking about it.

Lots and lots of adults hold this secret for decades. That's why in the UK there is no time limitations of reporting historical abuse.

 

[No More]

but he said how she must of been f**ked up in the head. Is that how he'd think of me

It’s difficult but without context I wouldn’t take this in a negative light. I take it to be more like christ, that was bad - mentally that must have been difficult, must have really done a number on her. But it’s the kind of blunt way i’d come out and say it as well. Seeing as he’s your friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t think anything the worse of you.

I think telling people *explicitly* and having implied conversations are different things. I have not, will never, and do not agree with going into violently explicit details with anyone other than a trained professional. I don’t think that’s information that helps me, or my friends and family. I’ve had lots of ‘me to’, and ‘yeah, get that’ conversations with friends. Most women will, on some level ‘get it’. I think there’s a really healthy middle ground in the sharing of experiences and discussing what we can do to make things *better*, between complete secrecy / explicit detail.

 

[DavidGreen]

It’s difficult but without context I wouldn’t take this in a negative light. I take it to be more like christ, that was bad - mentally that must have been difficult, must have really done a number on her. But it’s the kind of blunt way i’d come out and say it as well. Seeing as he’s your friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t think anything the worse of you.

I think telling people *explicitly* and having implied conversations are different things. I have not, will never, and do not agree with going into violently explicit details with anyone other than a trained professional. I don’t think that’s information that helps me, or my friends and family. I’ve had lots of ‘me to’, and ‘yeah, get that’ conversations with friends. Most women will, on some level ‘get it’. I think there’s a really healthy middle ground in the sharing of experiences and discussing what we can do to make things *better*, between complete secrecy / explicit detail.

I agree with you.