Worthlessness

[Melody coates]

I've never attempted suicide but I do have suicidal thoughts. I try to imagine what would happen if I didn't exist anymore. would people even care? Cuz I get the impression that they don't. I'm not talking about just family. I'm talking about past friendships, love interests, and other peers. my last love interest literally said "I don't care, you could die and I'd be like hmmmm there goes a man's good wife (but not mine :D)". people seem to treat me in any sort of way with no remorse. I'm just doomed to be mistreated and abused by everyone in my life. I wish I could just end it so people wouldn't have to put up with me. all I hear are the following: you're nothing but a joke, you are nothing but drama and stress, you're annoying, I don't want you in my life, you're too cling, you're too obsessive, etc. I could build a f*cking library with these insults. I feel soooo worthless and people seem to just not give two shits

 

[Nam]

Being worthy doesn't come from other people. It comes from within yourself and how you treat yourself.

 

[WillyKat]

We give two shits about you.

Agree w/ @Nam that worthiness or core worth comes from within. Part of that core worth is recognizing poisonous relationships. When I was your age, back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, I never thought I would survive. I felt suicidal every single day and night brought no relief. I kept looking for validation and love from people that could not provide it.

Today, I recognize what went wrong. Now I'm not suggesting this applies to you, but I'm saying it because it might: I kept finding, hanging out with, or falling in love with people that lacked empathy. I did that because they reminded me of my caregivers when I was little, who lacked enough empathy to know there was a problem with Willy. I kept repeating that trauma hoping that those w/o empathy would wake up and treat me like I deserved. I wanted them to be my caregivers when I was little and to magically change. Ain't going to happen. That's a big, bitter pill to swallow.

Don't follow my path. Evaluate those around you and let those connections go if necessary. Those that don't respond when you're hurting, let go. The odds of them changing is 0. Those that criticize or say hurtful things, walk away. It's so easy for me to say that, but I know it's hard as hell. It's hard to find people that have empathy sometimes. They are out there. We're here.

 

[Lionheart]

To my mind, there is no such animal as worthlessness. You are worthy because you exist and I am sure that you are not the critically flawed person that certain others might have you believe you are.

As has been said, worth and value comes from within.......(at least, I don't believe it should be tied to externals).

Sometimes the light is buried by the darkness that surrounds it, but the light is always there.

I hope you find the people who will reflect to you that you have value and that you will come to value yourself as the precious human being that you are.

 

[Friday]

I grew up moving every 6 mo to 2 years. Well over a dozen schools. In some schools I would be über popular. In some I'd be a social outcast. Often back to back. In some I'd have almost an instant best friend (that 20-30 years later I'm still in contact with) in others, I'd spend almost the entire tour on the outside fringes. In some moves teachers loved me, latched on, & propelled me. In others, I was some kind of freak.

I was the exact same person.

What moving around so much taught me is that how other people feel about me has almost nothing to do with me & who I am... And everything with who happens to be around at the time. And that's just luck.

 

[risingsun]

I feel soooo worthless

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I know how it feels for people to put you down to the point where you feel utterly worthless. I agree with the other posters here: Worth comes from within. Know who you are. Do not label yourself with the vicious labels others try to place on you. Shine your light anyway. When others put you down, simply say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." And say nothing else. People want you to respond, to react. The best reaction is to say what I had shared and nothing else. Do not dance the dance with people who do not value the precious being that you are.

Define your own self. "I am worthy" shall be your mantra. You must remember, though, people are afraid of people who know themselves, who define themselves, whose light shines brightly. But ignore these people. They will want to bring you down because they can't reach that level of consciousness where they know themselves and can find joy in that knowing.

Rip off the labels others have placed on you. And work on building up yourself up so that your light can shine brightly! Warmest, Rising Sun.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

You are NOT worthless, for how long I've known you on these forums I could never see you as worthless, you are god damn amazing! You made it this far, you survived your whole life up to this point, what happens next is for you to choose, because you have worth, you have power! You are a great person, but awful things happened to you, if you were to go, I would miss you, because a person I looked up, would be gone, would be just a memory. What others think doesn't matter much, because they shouldn't be in control of YOUR life.

You say people reject you for being to clingy, to obsessive? I don't see that as a bad thing! To cling onto something means to care! You deserve better! Some say that a human has 2 ears so that on one such stuff goes in, and comes out of the other, though I can't be like that, it holds some meaning!

I well know the feeling of worthlesness, I am constantly put down, my work stripped of worth! Don't waste your time on such people, they are bad for you! When I'm called a madman by someone I gladly agree, looking at how twisted the world is today, I'd rather be different, crazy, rejected than another idiot running into fire.



You are worthy of much more than you think, you deserve to be treated goodly, you deserve love you didn't have, you deserve a better life, and for that reason live on! For what good will come later, when you are marked as 'crazy', while surviving and having a free life, while others who were completely normal just go into the slaughterhouse to be killed, you escape!

 

[KwanYingirl]

Never forget 3 types of people on your life.
1) who helped you in your difficult time.
2) who left you in your difficult time.
3) who put you in your difficult time.

Sometimes it seems that the world is too full of #3's, but try to examine the positivity that some people have that you can be grateful for. Spend time with them, say adios to the 2's and 3's.

 

[sun seeker]

Recently another member posted a thread called "When Bad Things Won't Stop Happening." I posted a reply in that thread that holds some relevance to the feeling you are describing when you say you are doomed to be mistreated and abused. Rather than make the same points again, I hope you will look up that thread and read what I said to that person. It's the third post in the thread.

 

[sun seeker]

1) who helped you in your difficult time.
2) who left you in your difficult time.
3) who put you in your difficult time.

I'm pondering this advice and thinking how confusing it gets when you have people in your life that fit into all three categories at once.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

Hi Melody,

I was just like you. I had "friends" and family telling me I was worthless and I constantly had thoughts of suicide. One particularly dark night I finally took my life into my hands and dug deep to see if they all were right - and what I found was that I did have some good qualities and I hung onto those qualities and started believing in my good qualities and not what other people were saying because I knew deep down I had a good heart and began to feel that I was worthy - not because someone outside said so or not but because I SAID IT. And I knew I was right.

I often think back to the time that night when I almost committed suicide and realize that because I had the courage to live and to believe in myself so many WONDERFUL things that I could not even imagine back then have happened

Recently I have also learned that labels I or others put on myself are not real unless I believe them.

But I can tell you there is nothing inherently worthless about you - Nowhere in you is any part of you that is inherently worthless - No need to believe the labels people put on you - what is important is what you believe about yourself - don't let them win.

Wishing you peace - Laurie

 

[Philippa]

I'm pondering this advice and thinking how confusing it gets when you have people in your life that fit into all three categories at once.

I had the same thought.

My issues stem from having inconsistent parents who were nice to me one minute and total assholes to me when I was suffering. How do you deal with that?