Worthlessness

[sun seeker]

My issues stem from having inconsistent parents who were nice to me one minute and total assholes to me when I was suffering. How do you deal with that?

If you figure it out, let me know, because I'm having the same problem. Anger/gratitude/guilt/grief/hope... and a whole lot of confusion, all mixed up together. I suppose the answer is to learn to see them as good but flawed people with limitations because of how they themselves were hurt, and I can do that intellectually but my emotions are something else again. When it comes to deciding how much contact to have, it's super confusing.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

This is a symptom of PTSD. I have them a few times a day, doesn't mean I'll act on them. Kind of sucks, doesn't it?
I couldn't stand the pain of suicide, my own near death experience was very violent and painful when I was a kid, I couldn't leave my brother behind, I couldn't make my mother and sisters sad if I did. I think about that. The greater good. It's tough, but PTSD makes you one tough motherf@cking person over the years. Some people may not agree with me, but in a way, it's both a blessing and a curse. Don't listen to those people. They obviously have no idea what you're going through.

Derek

 

[Philippa]

When it comes to deciding how much contact to have, it's super confusing.

Well, I made it simple and cut all contact with them. Regardless of whether they are flawed and human and hurt themselves, it does not change the fact that they caused me massive damage and are unwilling to look at their own issues and admit how they are contributing to my situation.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

That's not right @Philippa, that's no different than telling a family that you agree that their child doesn't have cancer. You need your friends and family. Best just lay it all on the table for them, even better, get a doctor to do it for them. We're sick, PTSD is more of a physical than a mental illness, since it effects the primitive part of our brain, yet it spills into our evolved human brain. It's part of our genetics, and I feel it's just something that makes us human. All my life, it's just this is what it felt like to live without fire in a jungle full of animals trying to kill me. In this day and age, most people don't experience anything traumatic. The worst some people get is a sprained ankle, not getting killed in combat, not watching their friends die horribly, not getting raped, with the invention of the internet in the last 20 years, our thing is finally being seriously discussed to the point where you can claim disability for it. It's a disease. It doesn't go away. You can't "get over it" like people say. It's there, forever. The best you can do is manage it. Go to work, find a friend, a hobby, anything. Me, I like my solitude, but I know that people want me in their bands. I don't want to go, because I'd rather be alone. I want a wife and children, but I don't want to go, because I don't want people to be afraid of me.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

And @melody, sorry. We started having a discussion about what you're feeling, believe you me, we have all felt it. Trust me. We're your friends here. We know how it feels.

 

[Philippa]

That's not right @Philippa, You need your friends and family. Best just lay it all on the table for them, even better, get a doctor to do it for them. We're sick,

Uh, I actually did do this, and my psychologist did tell them personally about my condition, but in true form they made it all about them and it went in one ear and out the other and it was never spoken of again and they completely swept it under the carpet, as with every other problem. Your idea is great in theory, but most families don't want to know their kid has a mental illness...or even a brain injury, as I see it. They thought I was faking it to get out of working!!

 

[Deleted member 28845]

Well, I'm sorry. But as we both made the same point, no family or experience is the same.

 

[Philippa]

I've got my family of friends and my cat and they actually give a shit about me, so those other people can just deal with life without me. Using my condition against me during crazy making moments and backstabbing me to the rest of the so called family isn't what loving people do. I'd rather be alone...and it's not anyone else place to tell me that's right or not. It's my decision.

 

[WillyKat]

I have to agree with @Philippa, some families lie beyond reaching. Sad but true. It's up to every individual to make the call. It's not someone else's call.

That being the case, people sometimes change over time. Sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 28845]

I more than agree with @Philippa
I got kicked out of Christmas

 

[Philippa]

That being the case, people sometimes change over time. Sometimes.

Sometimes that is true, and I have recently allowed my middle brother to communicate with me via Linkdin and he knows it's on my terms. He says he has changed, but they all say that. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt until any red flags present themselves...but only because he treated me half way like a human being after I'd been raped.

I don't think I have ever heard a single story of a person returning and the family members actually making any lasting real changes and their relationship blossoming again, so I am not getting my hopes up.

In any case, I did not mean to de-rail this thread from the original poster. I've been exactly where you are and thought the same things..and still DO. The only reason I have not killed myself is because despite it all, deep down, there is so much to enjoy in life and f*ck them. They aren't going to win and have me give up my beautiful life!

Like someone else said...what people say about you, to you, doesn't mean it is true. Very often they are projecting their own crappy feelings about themselves onto you, so don't buy into it. Assess whether what they are saying is really true and if it isn't then dismiss it. If it is, then look at that and see if it is something you want to change...but don't let them dictate to you what you are. Count all the ways in which you are awesome, and hold onto that because you know yourself better than they do. Most people don't even know themselves, so how could they possibly really know you?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I understand what you're saying.....I think. Its easy for someone to say "worthiness comes from within" but the truth is that we're social creatures, so YES, we do (to a degree) look toward others to instill some sense of worth in us. If we didn't, half of us wouldn't be so damn messed up, would we? I do agree that we should learn to value ourselves outside of what others think, but it takes SO long to undo the damage that others do to us. You deserve better in your life, and I hope that you can push forward and find people who will treat you well. Yes, they are out there. They aren't always easy to find, but these people do exist! What I've found is that the longer you're away from these negative people who make you feel worthless, the easier it is to shake off these negative thoughts about ourselves. Its like the volume of the negativity in my head is fading over time.