General Wounded - not crazy (or defective) - sufferer input very welcome

[Never_falter2]

Hello,
l would like to hear your point of view. How important was it for you to see yourself as wounded not crazy and how did you manage. Forms guy this is very important and I think nowadays most of the times when he thinks of having ptsd can say that he took wounds for his country and he wears them with pride. He is always afraid that people would pity him and see him as weak and pathetic but now (most of the the times) he is able to tell himself “don’t you pity me. It was my choice to put my health at risk. I couldn’t be any prouder“ and that’s important for him. Of course those people do not even know he has ptsd and most likely do not pity him anyway... but it is important for him.
So I told you he has gut issues sometimes and thought it was psychosomatic and in our culture soldiers who have gut issues were seen as defective so to speak. It was good for him to learn that the American VA sees this as a war wound. I think he will move the idea around in his head now and I hope he will embrace it in the end.

In the past Vet worked with his therapist on realizing that ptsd is a wound. It’s not being crazy... and realizing that gave him back his honor and his pride. He is from a long line of service and realizing that he can proudly stand in this line and he realized that he is not a lesser man than his ancestors.

Unfortunately my vet has another wound so to speak he is short of hearing and has not yet fully embraced it as a wound instead of being defective. I wish one day he can change his attitude about this too.

I am not sure if I should post this and worry if this might be offensive for some but on the other hand it might be helpful for others and it might be helpful for my guy because you might have ideas how to cope with being short of hearing.

 

[Friday]

My 70yo dad... career navy, decades of big guns & engine whine, with crap hearing since as long as I can remember... FINALLY got hearing aids. But only because I was showing off the $2500-$8,000 ones my 20-something & 30-something vet friends were getting from the VA. The fact that young combat vets were getting hearing aids? Meant he made an appointment a week later. (My showing him is never good enough... :hilarious: MEN!... He had to reach out to old commands and make sure I wasn’t pulling a fast one on him. To be fair? I was. Not tricking him, but I understand his pride more than he knows, and deliberately showed him what would salve his pride.) That the new vet approved hearing aids are sleek & cool looking, instead of old-people beige-bulky-hideous-advertise-your-weakness? Also helped. But the young & blooded helped the most.

:sneaky: Some of the best ones? German engineered.

 

[Ronin]

The hearing issue: how is his sight, ability to detect & react to variety of movements without sound (directions, orientation, shape and weight of everything, piecing up the whole pic from minimal details, ability to get situation from reactions OF others both people and nature, noticing of slight changes in anything, sense of what is who doing in the dark etc), the whole reading of situations?

And ability to make sense of sound partials? (Since you said HoH / not Deaf).

B/c heckuva many ways to compensate for one sense lost. Hell, he probably used them working already. Only now needs to find out how to do it longterm, without it grating on his nerves.

But hes got this. He just does. Whole skillset & life of experience doesnt wash out with a single sense wrecked.

The gut issues.... ok, so lets go with its a petty problem. But? Debilitating and serious PITA distraction. So taking care of it? Means he can get back to better, faster.... not be distracted by pft pansy problem. ;)

 

[Freida]

In the past Vet worked with his therapist on realizing that ptsd is a wound. It’s not being crazy... and realizing that gave him back his honor and his pride.

Ya -- PTSD meant I was broken. Period. Well - broken and pathetic, but, y'know.....
It's been a hard road to get to where I can see it as a wound but I'm getting there

He is from a long line of service and realizing that he can proudly stand in this line and he realized that he is not a lesser man than his ancestors.

This is huge! PTSD has always been in military life, but it was considered a failure of the person, not an injury. His accepting that it's a wound and he can stand tall? That is amazing!!!!

The fact that young combat vets were getting hearing aids? Meant he made an appointment a week later.

Yep - same with my 75 year old father in law. Once he saw the kids at the VA getting them he suddenly put in his paperwork! men! ugh! :banghead: :laugh:

 

[scout86]

I am not sure if I should post this and worry if this might be offensive for some

I honestly can't see how anything you wrote could be offensive. But, if someone really wants to take offense, I suppose they can find a way. That would be their problem, not yours.

 

[Never_falter2]

I honestly can't see how anything you wrote could be offensive. But, if someone really wants to take offense, I suppose they can find a way. That would be their problem, not yours.

For my Vet it has been important that he realized he was very proud of the choices he made and I thought that it might offend those who have other forms if ptsd (for example from having an abusive ex) if I mention that. Because I thought maybe they would say “So you expect me to take pride in the fact I chose to marry an abusive bully (because I did not know he was one)“

 

[Never_falter2]

Fortunately my vet isn’t deaf or anything like this, he is just hard of hearing (otoh I sometimes think he hears a needle drop) and it shows if he is in a place where is a lot of background noise is and/or several people are talking at the same time... like in a restaurant or in a crowd. He can read lips a bit but he still feels he is missing information not only on what everybody is saying but also on what’s also going on in the place. Also he sometimes does not know where exactly a noise is coming from. It is really not so bad but he cannot embrace the fact... because... well... it makes him feel weak.
He hates restaurants and crowded places also because of his ptsd and it is the worst kind of punishment for him to be in that kind of place and notice only 95% but not 100% of what is going on.

 

[Never_falter2]

Ya -- PTSD meant I was broken. Period. Well - broken and pathetic, but, y'know.....
It's been a hard road to get to where I can see it as a wound but I'm getting there

Its great you are getting there. Is this something you discuss with your therapist. I hope so because I think it can help... also a good thing to discuss with other sufferers... and with your hubby... and with the other spouses on this board. I think there are no other spouses in this thread because I made it look like supporter advise was unwelcome (when I just wanted to say sufferer advise was very welcome). I would start another thread for you but I have offended other people by doing the same for them... so I probably won’t unless you tell me you want me too ?

 

[Freida]

Is this something you discuss with your therapist.

Yep. A lot. sigh.
They are trying to get the phrase "I'm broken" and " I broke" out of my vocabulary. Work in progress

 

[Sweetpea76]

I am not sure if I should post this and worry if this might be offensive for some but on the other hand it might be helpful for others and it might be helpful for my guy because you might have ideas how to cope with being short of hearing.

@Never_falter2 Don’t worry about offending... this is the supporter area. It’s for us to ask questions and have discussions. We worry enough about tiptoeing around sufferers in real life. If somebody is offended by something written here that’s on them... they can move along. That’s also why I took the warning out of the title. Don’t ever feel like you have to tiptoe here.

Hearing issues are huge here with American Vets. In fact, there is a big class action lawsuit against the manufacturers of the earplugs that were used by the military recently. It’s a super-common injury. My vet has some hearing damage too.

 

[scout86]

Because I thought maybe they would say “So you expect me to take pride in the fact I chose to marry an abusive bully

I see what you mean.

To deal with this kind of thing, I think you have to find a way to think of it that you can live with. And, it's true that will be different for different people and different situations. If someone doesn't get that, I'd say it's because they probably aren't far enough along the road. In the case of a domestic abuse survivor, you may not be proud of the original choice, but you can give yourself credit for surviving and getting out, you know?

I hope he gets the hearing dealt with. It can be frustrating and isolating, for sure.