"wow...my Therapist Has Gotten A Lot Smarter!"

[BloomInWinter]

Thank you so much, dear friends! I am going to print this out and give it to him. Do you think it would be weird or inappropriate to read it to him?

This journey has required me to constantly push against my trust constrictions. I fired him twice in actuality...and I though he was mad at me the first time by his reaction. Now that I know him better, I realize that he was upset, but possibly at both of us or just himself. His responses really helped me feel like I could leave whenever I needed to, but that I could stick it out and keep trying without beng 'trapped.'

That's the thing I truly feared. Being ensnared in yet another abusive relationship. Once I realized that was unlikely to happen with a person I was only around once every two weeks, and that I was older, wiser, and different...it wouldn't be like any of the awful relationship (teachers, friends, coworkers, family) I had before because I'd never put up with that.

I can bail on therapy at any time. But the stuff I face down, I conquer...in the therapy room and in real life.

I only wish it hadn't taken me two + years to realize this. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Bloom- 2 years, so what? That's a lot faster than 'never'! :) :tup:

Do what is comfortable for you, if you're ok reading it, do so, if you're shy about it maybe just give it.
Either way, think your T will be very happy also. :)

((((Hugs, xoxox))))

 

[BloomInWinter]

As I read through this, I see where the change really started happening. It's when the DBT skills of 'describe' and 'observe' and 'get more info before judging' kicked in.

It got better when I stopped worrying about what he was thinking - and realized I can't read anyone's thoughts! But I would think I could, and act on that even when grossly wrong. It''s a bizarre belief I picked up in childhood.

 

[maddog]

This observation is so true of me too Bloomin. I lost a lot of time and trust struggling to figure out what my T was thinking, what it meant, what he was going to do and say, all out of insecurity and distrust and fear. It was still happening unconsciously long after I'd stopped consciously distrusting him, and even after the point at which I really did think I was secure in our relationship.

I can honestly say it took me the best part of 2 years to really find the connection too, and while that's longer than I'd have liked, and while I can't believe he stuck it out for so long, and while I can't believe I took so long to trust someone I liked from the first moment I met him, that's the way it is, and 2 years of testing at the end of a lifetime's worth of betrayal ain't that bad I suppose.

I think you should give it to him or read it to him too - I think it would make his day, perhaps in ways which you may not even realise. Such a testament to both of you.

Maddog

 

[shell]

I think you should read it to him, at times I realize what a special person my T must be to sit and listen to others problems day in day out. I know they are paid for it, but there is no way in hell I would ever want their job.

I don't think they would often get to enjoy the more positive side of someone who truly sees the benefit of what they do. So many quit before the end. Be proud of the progress you have made, it can only strengthen your relationship.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

You mean me thinking she's angry with me and that I'm wasting her time is normal? What a radical idea...I'm still 'second guessing' what she's thinking and what she thinks about me, what she's going to say next and what that means. Not sure how to get through it - just time?

Great post! Gives me hope

 

[BloomInWinter]

I did read it to him yesterday.

He laughed at some of the negative stuff, some he seemed sad.

Then, he seemed touched.

I'm so glad I shared.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm revisiting this thread. Now, I'm a lot further along in that I realize my therapist(s) have only been looking to help me. I spend time trying to figure out what I'm thinking and feeling instead of wasting it on trying to guess what they are thinking.

My sessions seem much more productive, now.

The best part is now I don't waste my time trying to please people who have no impact on my life. I just work on being myself, asking kindly but directly for what I want, and accepting that it's ok for some people to not like me. As long as I do, and my loved ones, that is what matters.

 

[The Albatross]

I always appreciate Bloom, how you revisit and update your threads. Very glad for you of your progress.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Thanks, @The Albatross. It's so helpful to have these waypoints to go back to so I can remind myself that no matter what I'm feeling today, I am getting better.

It feels like I'm growing.