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Years of one foot in and one foot out

Discussion in 'Domestic Violence' started by courelly, Feb 28, 2018.

  1. courelly

    courelly Member

    You make a great point. I have no way of knowing how "trained" I am. Even though I recognize a lot of the bigger behaviors, and books like Lundy's have helped identify most of it, I can't see the flowers for the trees for the most part.

    You're right that they balk once confronted about their behavior - tomorrow I'm supposed to be leaving on a short trip with some friends, the first personal trip I've taken in years, and I could see he was agitated. I thought, better trigger this early now so I don't potentially have to deal with it at bedtime, and asked him what was wrong. At first it was a list of things unrelated to me, and then our last fight from a couple weeks ago came up. He accused me of "taking things personally," and even though I should have just let him believe I thought that, I couldn't let it alone and disagreed with him. It ended with him raising his voice, and me leaving the house, him throwing a planter off the porch and calling me a c*nt.

    Yeah, I'm dreaming if I think he's made any progress.
    Bearlinda, Whirlwind and dulcia like this.
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  3. Bearlinda

    Bearlinda On the way to find out :-) Premium Member Donated

    Very much hoping you'e enjoying your trip away X
  4. Loreal

    Loreal New Member

    The first thing is that I decided to be with a good friend that I thought was gonna be my knight in shining armor but ended up being my greatest downfall.I been through the fire and sometimes I wonder if I'll ever come back.It started off wrong and it should have been my red flag the first time he hit me and forcefully sat me down. But I just going in that was in 2008 .I got pregnant with my twins at that time and he treated me like shit, yelling at me, Grabbing me, pushing me, and at times even locked me out my own bedroom and I had to sleep on the couch. That was the worse pregnancy ever. The same day I went into labor he threw hot coffee in my face.I remember laying in the hospital getting induced and wanting to just die.Long story short the abuse continued for years he blames me for him being unsuccessful in life and my twins are disabled from the stress of the pregnancy and that's my fault to.There 9 years old now and function at a 5 yr old level and this is hard for me.I started getting sick in 2011 because of all the stress and his constant abuse and if I try to leave his suicide attempts. I always tried to reason with him but I had no luck.And as years went on my health has declined even more now I can barely walk and have become dependent on him just the way he wanted it and I feel trapped because I can't do things like I use to or even take care of my kids anymore .It's more to this story but If this can help anybody out there going through this or any type of abuse I would say get out before it's too late. Me and my kids suffered because of this man and now I feel stuck!!
    Bearlinda likes this.
  5. Princess Pearl

    Princess Pearl New Member

    I escaped my situation two years ago and, even though I’m in a different country to him and still look over my shoulder all the time, the feeling of freedom is unimaginable!! Even though I suffer with PTSD, I’m free!! Imagine being able to choose how you live your life! The tensions and adversities are YOURS. No having to be someone you’re not!!
    I gave up pretty much everything to make my escape....I can’t think about my beloved dog who I had to rehouse without crying....but at the end of the day, I had to protect myself and my daughter from any more pain. We deserve better than to be treated like this. We owe it to ourselves!
    Saying that, it took me 17 years to realise just how bad things were, but once I knew I couldn’t take it anymore, the feeling of euphoria and rightness about going was incredible.
    It’s not easy once you’ve left...there’s so much stuff to process and assimilate, but, for me, it was the best thing I ever did.
    I hope you can find a way to make that move....you’re worth a million times more than your experience now!
    Good luck!
    Whirlwind and Bearlinda like this.
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