I've read your other posts and it seems very clear that with all the action you have taken around money and talk of judges and divorce, that's where the marriage is currently headed: divorce.
You can't change her. You know how she is. You can only change you. Stay or go, you will make YOU crazy trying to change her.
If you don't want a divorce, then I'd suggest *not* continuing to talk about your intentions to divorce her and then expecting her to respond with reasonable compassion towards you. You are only setting yourself up for her to react and you to be frustrated. And she's learning you don't keep your boundaries and you are also not really there to make it work either.
If you want to stay and somehow make this work, you are going to have to let go of changing her (which will never work unless she is interested in changing herself) and seeing if you can find a way to live with her as she is now, including having solid and clear boundaries with her.
That all being said, I'd suggest meeting with an attorney in regards to the marriage and problem solving how to protect yourself, especially since you are already talking with her about how a judge will rule in the divorce -- and she's talking separation as well, and then implying you can't know what is true while restricting your access to weapons... she could be making a case against you for any possible future custody battles.
The fact that she gave access to one lethal weapon and yet restricted access to others and explained it by saying you were deceived... suggests she could be engaged in gaslighting you. I'm not sure she is that sophisticated in her efforts to cope with everything, but is a possibility. Especially when you keep telling her you will divorce her and seem quite done with loving her.
I think I am a little familiar with what sect of "Christianity" she may be caught up in. The way she talks about things reminds me of a friend who read books about how "the evil one" can deceive people to the point of becoming mentally ill.
Her way of trying to understand what is happening to the man she married and the fact that you almost ended your life, might be to ascribe to it overtones as a battle with spiritual darkness, good vs evil, and etc. This kind of black and white thinking suggests she may actually be a bit traumatized by it (making with dealing with other issues in her own life.)
The more you both talk about separation and divorce, I'd expect her to go further into trying to demonize (I don't mean literally) you in her own mind to try to ease the pain of a marriage ending. Right now, it may be her way of making "sense" of a husband who is stating he will divorce her -- which is a huge thing in the sect of religion she may be following.
Your therapist mentions that she seems to have cultish religious beliefs. Scared people who are in pain seek out extreme religious beliefs for comfort and escape from that pain.
People with a lot of good healthy support, steady relationships, healthy connections to others, and who feel safe in their lives tend to be inoculated from falling into the trap of cult-ish belief systems.
I agree with your therapist that she could be running from some deep pain. I agree that solid individual counseling would probably do her some good. But continuing to focus on trying to change her is only going to leave you frustrated and unsuccessful.
I can also see where someone might worry about returning guns at this point... I had a roommate who was sucidial, and who took serious steps towards death. After that almost-attempt, I was very scared for him. He got counseling and he told us that the sucidial thoughts were totally gone.
6 months later, with little noticeable warning, he died. He successfully took his own life. He was separated from his wife, and took his life when the final divorce papers arrived denying him the level of custody he wanted. His children are still traumatized years later. Heck, I'm still shaken from it.
You say the thoughts are gone... but that doesn't make it crazy for someone to still be worried.
Your wife may not love you anymore, she may even hate you... I dunno... but that doesn't change the fact that she still probably doesn't want you dead and your children traumatized. I'd expect most moms to have an on-going worry for awhile.
Your property is yours, and you showed the courage to give them up when needed, and you are no longer in a crisis, so yeah, you should be able to make the decision about them, and I'd suggest consulting with your therapist first and following their direction. But you are a grown man. So do what grown up men do and talk to your therapist about it.
If she is talking about a separation, then she may actually already be connected to an attorney herself and she be worried that when you get served the divorce papers you will off yourself or something. If she's really deeply religious then this could be less likely that she will choose divorce first... She could still be gaslighting you to prep for her side in the divorce you made clear that you intend to file.
If you want to try to make it work, then perhaps you could seek out a more mainstream pastor of a different Christian community, and see if he would be willing to meet with you both. Some will do this even if the couple doesn't ascribe to their denomination or Christianity at all... but this also could be hard to find and something she pushes away as well.
Really tough situation all around.
I think you have some work to keep doing to sort out you and how you can be more consistent in either building up this marriage (maybe not possible) or waking away. I think you have more work to do on wrestling through your own push/pull with her. It may not change her one bit, probably won't, but it may help you get more clarity on how to move forward.
